kerniec

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There was a broken scale at work.  I know it was broken because I weigh every day.  It said I weighed 142 and I knew that was straight up bullshit.  I weighed 151 last Weds at my fill appt so there's no damn way and my home scale is inaccurate but not that much.  So I weighed on the other scale.  It said 146.4.  WOW.  That's a new low.  And that was the scale everyone said was "heavy".  So I will receive compensation for losing another 6 lbs since last weigh-out. 

I can say, that while the 142 was slightly intoxicating, it was also terrifying.  I don't want to allow myself to go that low.  I am afraid of what will happen to my face, my breasts if I go any lower.  145 is my BOTTOM, and I have a restrictive only surgery, so I am in control.  Nor do I want to weigh 156 ever again though, so with Vitalady - Michelle's advice in mind, I will be mindful of the scale and my eating.  I am pleased to be where I am.  I am happy in this skin, wearing 4-6.

Today was huge.  Got a fill, .25 cc doc is ordering me to eat mushies today so if I need an unfill I can get it done by Friday, given my history, plus I'm already going to be there Friday.

Bought size 4 Levis.  I know they are the hugest most vanity sized jeans in the world, but still!

Tried on some size 5's that fit, brand "Tilt" but they made my booty flat so I didn't buy them.  Tried on some Express size 5 that hit my tummy in the wrong place, so I didn't buy those.  Tried on a pair of Buffalo size 27 (no stretch) and those were not even going over my thighs, but I think they were pretty small.  The Gap size 4 did not fit, I could have forced myself into them, but why would I want to?  I am a size 6, and I am just happy that NO size 8 pants are going to fit anymore, I am not a 6/8, I am a 6!

Looked at myself in the Goodwill mirror and WOW I am so small, even my legs are smaller than I see them at home. I think I must have a funhouse mirror, or maybe Goodwill has those "make Momma skinny" mirrors.  Don't care, just glad. 

Scale was 151.  Not my brightest moment there, but still within my new range of 147-152 and I can tell this fill is good and I will have to be really careful with my eating, so I should be able to reach my new goal of 145, with 145-150 being my new range once I get there.

I ate yogurt (creamy) and runny oatmeal no issue.  Oatmeal made me nice and FULL.  Just had the fill today so I can't get too excited but it's a nice start!  I am just so HAPPY to be who I am, and I am loving my WLS!  Go Towanda!

Here's an example of being out of control and getting in control.........I am proud to see my crazy chart and the work I know went into it!  The biggest thing was eating crap vs eating well.........and watching the nibbles.

Graph Info | About Rewards

For any of you considering the band who want to have children, or who want to be able to conceive children, and if you are having doubts as to whether or not to baby first or band first..........BAND first.  Above is a pic of me and my DD during  my second trimester at  Glen Helen.  It put so much a stress on my body that day in 2007 that my cervix was throbbing and aching and I thought I was going to die or go into way premature labor.  I was restricted further on exercise and activity after that trip that day.  By the end of the pregnancy with my son, I was off work the last 6 weeks because my son and my organs could not coexist with my fat.  His head due to my abdominal cavity being full of fat, was wedged into my diaphragm and cut off my air supply making me blackout and lose my breath.  It was very dangerous.  He was born September 07 and I tried to "give it another try" on my own although I was already considering WLS and had just prior to getting pregnant with him in Dec 06.  By April 08 I had done my research and was ready to get the band.  I considered the DS after the seminar; for me it was either least invasive or best guarantee.  I went for least invasive, quickest recovery.  I am so thankful for WLS.

The DH took so many "good" pics of me that day I'll put some in here.  I don't recognize the woman in these pictures.  First of all, she looks girlish at moments and I am 36 and lost 127 lbs so that "can't" be me.........it's weird because I always think I have a good image of myself but these pictures just rocked my perception.  It's weird because people 'look' at me when I walk in places and I am always wanting to check my fly, my clothes, or whatever.........then I realize like DUH they're just looking at me, I don't look bad, maybe it's because I look good........but it feels SOOOOOOO egotistical to say that or think it out loud.

I am surprised by how my arm looks hanging like that......better than I imagine it to look in my head.  I like this dress because it hides the underarm skin, which I actually hate more than the leg skin, even though I have a lot of vacant leg skin compared to the rest of my body. 

Well, Idgy 2.0 did not flip and Towanda is doing great today.  Scale, HAH even better, 147.7 I am a beast, I am so proud of myself for turning surgery and lack of physical activity into a loss!  WOOSH!

My doc continues to be "amazed" by my progress and enjoys my visits.  He seemed OK with the fact that I called him Donovan in the OR two weeks ago..........my embarassing little moment. 

My arm is much better though still itchy from the bee sting.  I am thankful for my life and my year and my size 7 teensy capris.  Going to see Dr. Wilbert, going to focus on my anxiety and coping skills to deal with my borderline/legitimate? OCD impulses.  I see MWG struggles with OCD and I find myself having lots in common with her.......hmmmmmmm............

Wow I can't believe a year has passed. I have been so reflective lately........it's weird to be here now, and below my goal weight today by 1 lb and I am so grateful for this tool and I think I have absolutely made the most of it but I am very grateful and don't want to minimize what it has done for me even though I have maximized this tool to the best of my personal ability.  It took a lot of hard work including adjustments, exercises, lifestyle changes, weekly appts with the psycholigist, you name it.  And I am so glad to be healthy and 125 lbs lighter today. 

June to July 24-18 lbs-Dieting and walking, practicing band habits
July 25-Aug 5 - Official Pre-Op Diet -- 11 lbs
August 5 to 5 wks post-op - 23lbs
Sep 8 to 10/31/08 - 17 lbs
From 10/31/08-Thanksgiving - 10.6 lbs
From Thanksgiving to Christmas - 10.4 lbs
From Christmas to January 19 - 10 lbs
From January 19 - 6 month Bandiversary Feb 5 - 4 lbs
From Feb 5 to March 25- 11 lbs
March 25-May 15 - 9 lbs

Decided officially to move below 150 to a range of 147-152 for maintenance.

Today, I am 150.  Tomorrow is my bandiversary.  Awesome to be at goal weight today and not "up".  Positioned to move downward. 

Wow I am still really swollen.  My port revision is still really puffy.  Abdominal trauma doesn't go away easy, does it?   I think I do not have a UTI, I am itching because that unholy surgery is healing inside there!  I have leaked a few times since surgery which worries me but I know it's "new" and too early to tell.........we'll see.

My tailbone hurts like hell from sitting so much more than I usually do, and in the same chair.  UGH!  My skinny ass hurts, LOL.  I just realized today, I had an epiphany that my struggles began with that trip to Old Navy and Wal-Mart trying on bathing suits........so now that I know that everyone, including my friend Marie, have breastbones that are prominent now, (she has a lower BMI but still, hers show a little more than mine and she has much bigger breasts), I feel better.  I am normal for a WLS patient.  Yes, i can look at my thighs in the bathroom mirror and think wow, she had WLS.  SO freakin' what.  I had WLS.  I lost 124 lbs.  I am an amazing human being who reached goal 9 months after surgery.  Not RNY.  Not DS.  Just the lap-band and some hard a** work.  So I should be proud, I should stay at and YES aim for below my goal and it's OK.  My breasts aren't going to shrink in 3 lbs, I think they have gone as little as they are gonna go unless I lose another 10 lbs, which I am definitely not going to do!

I just want my 6's to fit "easier" not to be a smaller size.  And I would love to set aside my 8/9 clothes as "almost never need them".  Even on my period...........