Inching my "weigh" towards the finish line

Mar 06, 2014

The scale is moving again! Thank goodness.  I was starting to think that my body was fed up with losing weight and decided that it only wanted to gain no matter what I did.  In the last week, I have been back up to 212 and now I am at my lowest of 206.4! About 25 pounds away from my new goal. I was set on only losing 175 pounds and that would put me weighing in at 187.  However, if I lose 181 pounds altogether, that will put me at 181 as my weight and then I will be exactly half of my weight that I started at. So I guess around 180 is my ultimate goal. Truthfully, I am scared that I won't be able to maintain that.  I know that sounds crazy to others because at 180, I will still have a BMI of about 26 which is still considered overweight.  However, I have a very large frame and I am one of those women that aren't meant to be skinny.  That's not sabotage or negative self-talk; I truly believe that my body was meant to have some curves. The lowest I ever weighed was 155. That was for about a minute.  I maintained at about 165 for a year or so when I was 16 at that weight. But I was exercising like a FIEND and I didn't have a period for 6 months.  I know it's hard to believe but I truly was very thin at 165. 

I actually never thought I would be this weight again.  I had hoped to get down under 250 but actually being so close to 200 is insane. I love food and I love to cook and feed others so it's hard to imagine a life without bingeing and comfort food and junk food.  But I am working on retraining myself.  Since my slipup last Saturday, I am very aware of the effects of bad eating on my body.  This entire week has really sucked and I blame it on my eating this past weekend.  I have been reading a lot about a wheat free diet, which essentially, I am on.  I don't think I have a wheat allergy, per se, but I do think I might be sensitive to it.  I know that I feel my best and my body responds best when I mainly have healthy fats and protein in my diet. Picturing living without real pizza or cheesecake seemed impossible at first but the more I think about my eating habits and my body's reaction to that crap food, the more I realize that it's not that hard to imagine. I have alternatives that I can eat to satisfy those cravings.  What I eat is totally in my power.  I don't HAVE to eat those things because they are there and they are in the universe. I don't drink margaritas anymore because the tequila makes me ill and the lime juice gives me horrible reflux.  I don't miss those at all. I need to view junk food and certain processed carbs like I do margaritas.  There are tons of other alternatives out there and I don't have to starve just because I'm not eating pizza.

Once I hit my goal weight, I still want to continue running and I want to add back some healthy carbs like beans and sweet potatoes.  I do miss those two things but want to wait to see how my body reacts to them once I am in maintenance. It's all a work in progress but I'm so excited to see the scale moving down again and being so close to my goal.  The task to lose 175 or 180 pounds seemed IMPOSSIBLE at first... It's very strange that I am this close to achieving something I never thought was possible.

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