Cont......

May 16, 2011

 Thank you everyone who took the time to read my "not weight loss related" blog and comment.  I appreciate all of your thoughts, kind words, kicks in the butt....trust me it was needed!!
So last night I go home to him being gone which was ok because I felt that I needed time to think.  I went through a rollercoaster ride of emotions.  First I was so upset that he could actually do these things.  Then that anger turned to humiliation because I was then mad at myself for ALLOWING him to do these things to me.  I let him disrespect me every single day.  And now not only is he disrespecting me, but he is allowing his "ex" girlfriend to disrespect me.  He told me last night that I am stressing for no reason because everyone knows that we are together.  Ok...then why can't he tell her to stop contacting him??  I would NEVER let my ex talk to him the way that she talked to me.  I am a somewhat rational person, she is the opposite.  I don't say disrespectful things just to say them...she does.  So how can he know that this is going on and allow it to happen?  I asked him last night why he can't stand up for me?  For our relationship?  Have my back, don't allow people to treat the woman that you supposedly love like crap.  He asked me 'if and when I contact her and tell her to stop are you going to let all this go"?  I told him probably not, because I feel like it is something that he should have handled a long time ago, now it is to the point that I feel I am begging him to stop talking to her.  I promised myself a long time ago that I would never compete or fight with any of his ex girlfriends for him.  And I refuse to go back on that promise to myself.  We are totally different in every way.  Not saying that one is better than the other but it is a matter of opinion.  I just can't do it!  My soul is tired, my heart is tired, my brain is tired of dealing and thinking about all this.  I have to make a plan and move on.  It is clear to me that things will NEVER change and he is NEVER going to be the man that I want him to be....the man that I think I deserve!

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