Almost Party Time!!!!!!!!!!

Jul 04, 2011

 I made 2 goals for myself when I started this entire journey.  They are 1) to lost 100 pounds, and 2) to make it to ONEderland.  Well I am one pound away from meeting goal #1.   And I honestly can't wait.  I think that we all probably at one point or another feel like we are "failing" or that the surgery isn't going to work for us.  I feel that way on a regular basis so to sit here and think that almost 100 pounds are gone (hopefully forever) is an amazing feeling.  It is surreal, unbelievable.  SO........ PARTY TIME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  I have a BFF on this site that lives in the same town as me and she has already lost 100 pounds and she has been ever so patiently waiting on me to catch up LOL.  So now it is time for us to celebrate.  I have decided to have a little get-together at a local night club.  It is more upscale, a slightly more mature crowd but they play amazing music and we should be able to dance the night away celebrating our 200+ pound LOSS.  I dedicate a HUGE part of my success to this particular friend and to this site.  If I didn't have her to keep me grounded or this site to allow me to vent I probably would have given up by now....I mean that is what I did before surgery.  When things got rough I would simply go get something to eat.  Food was such an amazing comfort to me.  I use to think that the best feeling in the world was some really good comfort food, the remote, and my blanket.  Eat.....sleep.....wake up.....and do it all over again!  I don't feel that way anymore thanks to the tons of support that I have received from this site.  And I hope in the process that I have helped others, let at least one person know that they are not alone in what they are feeling, and made at least one person feel special!

OK...THAT IS WHERE THE "WEIGHT LOSS PORTION" ENDS!!!
Forgiveness....I know how to forgive others, but how do you forgive yourself?  Is it possible?  Does one MASSIVE mistake define who you are, or is it simply a mistake?  Well this weekend I made on MASSIVE mistake  and I have been literally beating myself up over it ever since.  But today I woke up and I asked God for forgiveness....not sure why I didn't chose to do that before...I think it is because I was too busy rolling around in my guilt and wondering how in the heck I made such a huge mistake.  I embrassed myself and those around me.  But what does that mean really?  I can honestly say that I have thought long and hard about it and I know where I went wrong and I know what has to be done to ensure that it never happens again.  But how do I crawl out from underneath that chair and hold my head up high again?  Is it possible?  For those who have had any type of interaction with me you know that I work hard, am very understanding, have great love for family, and forgive others for the most unforgiveable acts.  But what about those that don't know me....how do I get them to realize that a mistake was made, and that mistake does not define who I am?  Or do I simply have to move on and not worry about what they think?  And what about those closest to me...if they love me they should forgive me right?  Not that I did anything to anyone imparticular....I just made a fool of myself which I am sure in turn embarassed others.  Nothing physical....just a moment of weakness and bad decision making.  Which as you can still see I am still beating myself up over it.  I am just usually so "put together" so "try to make everything perfect".  I hate to think that one stupid mistake could ruin all that.   BUT I always like to put a positive twist on things....or at least try LOL!  I can admit when I am wrong, and I know when I have messed up.  I also know how to fix it AND make sure it never happens again.  And I guess that is positive in itself!

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