Carrie T.

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I saw Dr. Petruzziello today. He explained exactly what’s going on.

The biopsy showed that I have follicular cells in my nodules. With follicular cells, they can’t tell from a needle biopsy whether or not cancer is present because the cells look the same regardless of whether or not they’re benign. Benign cells will remain inside the nodule. If the cells have invaded the surrounding tissue, it’s cancer.

The only way to tell if it’s cancer is to remove the nodules and surrounding tissue, and view them under a microscope.

Before I can have the surgery, I have to get over my cold, and be cleared for surgery from my regular doctor (Dr. Vigg). They moved my visit with Dr. Vigg from November 13th to November 6th, but Mechandy (Dr. Vigg’s nurse) may call me to come in before then, if they have a cancellation.

As soon as Dr. Vigg clears me, Dr. Petruzziello will set the date for my surgery,  so I could have it as soon as next week or as late as mid-November.

Dr. Petruzziello did say that if it is cancer, this isn’t an aggressive form of cancer, so there’s no death sentence tacked on to it.

This is the room where I had my biopsy done last week. The machine to the right is the ultrasound. There was a tray to the immediate right of this picture which held the needle and slides, etc.

I'm getting over a cold, so my sinuses are draining and I'm coughing a lot. I was coughing into a tissue in my hand. Apparently, that wasn't good enough for this lady because she got up and requested a mask. I would also like to note that if I was contagious, the receptionist would have requested that I wear a mask, but I'm not so she didn't. The woman was waiting for her friend. I was called to the back when her friend came out. The friend asked why she was wearing the mask and she replied with, "That fat white girl was coughing everywhere, trying to get everyone else sick." It made my mom angry.

When I got home, I Josh was in my room talking to me. Mary had bought me this back of plastic Halloween stuff. Josh looked down and saw this:

Tomorrow I go see Dr. Petruzziello to get the results of my biopsy. I'm really nervous.

I also caught my son's cold. The first day, I just felt tired and had a sore throat. The second day, my throat was sore and my nose was runny. Today I'm stuffy and have been coughing all day. I hate being sick. :(

To pass the time, I painted a Halloween scene on our front door.

I saw Dr. Petruzziello today. He did another ultrasound on my thyroid and did a needle biopsy. It hurt a little, but not much. He said that the results should be back in a week, so I go back to see him on the 16th. He did inform me that the swelling has pushed my trachea to the side so surgery is likely, regardless of whether or not it's cancer.

I left his office and had have some labs done for my appointment with my regular doctor. While getting the blood work drawn, I realized that my biopsy results were scheduled at the same time as my appointment with Dr. Vigg.

After getting my lab work done, I walked to Dr. Vigg's office to reschedule. His receptionist asked, "Didn't you tell them you already had an appointment?" I said, "No because biopsy results to tell me whether or not I have cancer kind of trump a regular doctor visit." She then said she would have to reschedule the lab work, but I said, "I just got it done." She asked, "You know that was supposed to be a fasting visit, right?" I said, "Yes, and I haven't had anything to eat yet today," (by this time it was after 3PM), "And if you don't mind, my hands are shaky and my stomach is growling so I'd like to go eat."

She apologized and sent me on my way with a new appointment. My mom and I grabbed a quick bite to eat before we went to the store. As soon as we walked in the store, the psychiatrist from Greenville called. He hit me with some great news:

I don't have to go back to see Kris, nor do I have to meet with him again! I've finally finished with EVERYTHING that's required before my case is presented to my insurance for the bariatric surgery!!

Some pics:

The band-aid is where the needle biopsy was taken. You can see part of the swelling.

You can see most of the swelling here:

I've done an outline of the entire swollen area so you can really see:

A bruise from my blood work. This isn't from the needle, but from pulling the tape off!

Me, overly happy for no apparent reason:

I went to see my regular therapist on Thursday. I really didn't want to go because I was up all night Wednesday night with a stomach virus, but I knew that if I called in to reschedule, they'd charge me another $35 and I didn't want to have that happen.

I drove the 30 minutes to her office. When she called me back, she could tell something was wrong, so I told her I was sick. She started saying, "Why did you come then? We don't want your germs!" So I told her that I didn't have the money to be paying the $35 again, and she responded with, "If you were legitimately sick, we wouldn't charge you that." I told her, "The last 2 times I was sick, you charged me the $35, so I wasn't taking my chances."

I handed her the plans that my mom, Josh, and I had written out. She didn't even read them. I was like, "Aren't you going to read them?" So she read over them, then handed them back to me. Her job was to keep them and send them to the insurance appointment psychiatrist (Dr. Hazelton) in Greenville. She told me that it's not her responsibility to do that.

I wasn't in her office for 5 minutes before she wanted to tell me time was up. I didn't get up, shower, dress, and drive 30 minutes (one way) while legitimately sick just for her to have me leave 5 minutes after I got there!! She also said that she didn't feel there was a need for me to go back to see her a third time. I told her that she needed to call Dr. Hazelton and talk with him about that. Then, I decided to talk in very precise detail about what's going on with my thyroid so I could drag out my session to the full 35 minutes.

When I got home, I called Dr. Hazelton but he wasn't in his office so I left a message. He called me back at 3:30 this afternoon and I told him what happened with Kris and he said that he was planning on calling and speaking with her again. He said that he may just call it even and release my notes to my surgeon, or he may have me go see him one more time. I don't have the gas money to run back and forth to Greenville (an hour from here, one way) when I could just as easily mail these plans to him and we discuss it over the phone.

I then told him about my thyroid and that I'd find out what was going on with that by tomorrow afternoon. He said I need to get a second opinion. WTF? I'm pretty sure that Dr. Petruzziello will be my FIFTH opinion after my friend's mom (who's a nurse), the ER doctor, the ultrasound doctor, and my regular doctor! If I had just taken Dr. Jensen's advice (which actually counts as my first opinion), I would still be thinking this is my lymph nodes, instead of my thyroid.

I like how Dr. Hazelton just assumes I'm trusting the advice of one doctor. *SMH*

Unfortunately, Dr. Petruzziello had an emergency surgery this afternoon, so his receptionist called me at 10 this morning and rescheduled. Dr. Petruzziello is only in his office on Tuesdays and Wednesdays, so my appointment was changed to Tuesday at 2pm. This alien in my neck will have to live with me for another week.

I got to the hospital this morning at 10. They're doing construction so I took a quick picture of that:

Angie called me back to the Radiology department. She had me remove all my clothes, except my panties, and put a gown on. She explained everything they'd be doing. Here's me in my sexy gown:

Angie was about to take some x-rays of my empty stomach when she got called to the OR, so Noelle took over. She got my x-rays, then the doctor came in. Here's a picture to help explain things.

I had to stand on the black step with my back against the tall machine. The thing to the right of it swung over in front of me. The doctor first handed me a cup with a small amount of water. He dumped some powder in there and it started to fizz. I had to swallow that quickly and I couldn't burp! He then handed me a cup of barium fluid. I had to drink the entire thing while he took x-ray stills. It was really cool to watch it on the monitor!

After I finished with the entire cup, he pressed a button and the entire thing leaned back so that I was laying down. He took a few stills with me laying down and then it was over!

He said that everything looks great! My esophagus and stomach are perfect for surgery! This was the last physical test I had to do for my Pre-Op stuff!

Now tomorrow I get to see what needs to be done about my enlarged thyroid!

I saw Dr. Bitar this morning to schedule the upper GI. He's a really nice guy. He read over my medical history and saw that I'm scheduled to see Dr. Petruzziello. He let me know that my appointment with Dr. P is next Wednesday at 3PM. He then scheduled my upper GI for tomorrow morning at 10AM.

The nurse from the emergency department called me. She said I have several nodules (or tumors) on the right side of my thyroid and a few on the left. She said Dr. Vigg's office will be calling me tomorrow to set up an appointment with an endocrinologist in Greenville to do a biopsy. They usually put a needle in to do the biopsy, but because my thyroid is so large, they may have to remove it in order to biopsy it.

I'm pretty fucking scared.

On Monday, the swelling in my neck had gotten worse. It's roughly the size of a small orange and stretches from the right side of my neck, across the front of my throat, and slightly over the left side. I went to my friend's house and got her to feel it. Her mom is a nurse so she got her mom to feel it. Her mom got a serious look on her face and said, "Please go be seen." She was about to go into work and she said she'd text Mary to let her know a good time for me to go to the Emergency Department so I wouldn't have to wait long.

Josh and I headed to the ED at 8PM. When the nurse (Shauna) came in and felt my neck, she too got a serious look on her face. She felt my entire neck and down onto my chest. She said that NONE of my lymph nodes are swollen. This large thing in my neck is actually my thyroid.

She and the doctor kept asking me a lot of the same questions over and over. They seemed confused that I have no symptoms other than the swelling. They ordered an EKG to make sure things were okay with my heart, since when the initial swelling happened, I had a "tightness" in my neck. The EKG came back fine.

They ordered an ultrasound of my neck. Since it was after hours, they set an appointment for me to go back the next morning to have the ultrasound done. Tuesday morning, I headed back to the hospital and Heather did my ultrasound. She was very happy and the mood was light until she started looking at the swelling with the ultrasound machine. She got very quiet. I figured she was just concentrating so I closed my eyes and relaxed.

After she was done, she left the room for a few minutes. When she came back, she looked up the notes from Shauna and Dr. West from my ED visit. Heather then said that I needed to make an appointment with Dr. Vigg immediately. I headed across the street to Dr. Vigg's office after I left the hospital.

When I got to his office, the receptionist was as rude as she usually is. She told me to take a seat and she'd talk to Mechandy about it and have Mechandy call the hospital. About 10 minutes later, the receptionist called me back up to her desk and she was really nice this time. She said that as soon as Radiology sent over my results, they'd call me. If they hadn't called by Thursday, to call them.

I called Dr. Vigg's office because they close at 1 today. Mechandy called me back at 1 saying they hadn't received the results. I called Radiology at the hospital and the woman said they did get my results, but they hadn't been sent to Dr. Vigg yet. I asked her if she could tell me the results and she said my doctor needed to talk to me about them. I probably won't get the results until tomorrow morning.

I hate this fucking waiting game.

Just had to rush to emergency care. My neck started to swell really badly. I have an infection somewhere in my body and my lymph nodes are swelling in my neck. I feel fine and the swelling has gone down. I have to take an anti-inflammatory for a few days.

My visit with my therapist (Kris) was a little strange. I was explaining to her what Dr. Hazelton had told me. She got defensive and started saying she doesn't need to be held responsible for what happens during my weight loss process because she hasn't seen me since March. She actually seemed to be taking it personal that I haven't had the $35 to pay to see her. She was making it seem like I was lying about what Dr. Hazelton told me.

I told her that the weeks before my surgery and for at least a year after my surgery, Dr. Johnson wants me to be receiving constant care so that I don't get really depressed or begin to form bad habits like drinking or eating incorrectly. Dr. Johnson suggested (and I agreed) that I should be seen by Dr. Johnson one week, then Kris the next, and that I should keep alternating that schedule until I'm able to go 2 weeks between visits and then 3 weeks, then a month, and so on. Kris got a funny look on her face and said, "I think you should see someone ..." It was like she was hinting that she no longer wants to be my therapist.

She pulled up the notes she wrote after she spoke with Dr. Hazelton. She pulled up the notes Dr. Johnson wrote after speaking with him. She pulled up the notes Dr. Johnson wrote after speaking with me. She said, "There is some miscommunication with someone and that needs to be straightened out." I wanted to ask if I had offended her in some manner.

Dr. Hazelton told me that I needed to get together with Kris to brainstorm and write a plan on how to keep me from overeating and binging at night. Dr. Hazelton is under the impression that I get up in the middle of the night and binge eat without knowing what I'm doing. WRONG! When I first started taking Ambien three years ago, I would get up in the middle of the night and eat without remembering it in the morning. That hasn't happened to me in THREE YEARS. I also stay up VERY late at night. Sometimes I don't get to bed until 4 or 5 in the morning, so during those times, I HAVE to eat at night. Not that I'll stuff myself, but I'll have a peach or an apple.

I was explaining this to Kris and she either wasn't listening or wasn't understanding what I was saying. She said that she's not responsible to helping to make the plan. She wants me to come up with the entire plan on my own, give it to her, and she'll give it to Dr. Hazelton. If that's the case, then why the FUCK am I seeing her?!

I didn't argue. So now I have a week and a half to come up with a very precise plan of how to keep from eating in the middle of the night. I have to continue to see Kris to appease Dr. Hazelton. I really want to have Dr. Vigg refer me to another psychiatrist who also acts as a psychologist so I don't have to see two separate people, someone who is closer to where I live (it takes 30 minutes to get from my house to their office), but I can't do that right now or it could fuck up my time line for having my surgery. I have to wait until Dr. Hazelton has released my notes to Dr. Chapman.

After Kris and I talked about the "plan" bullshit, she asked about my life outside of weight loss. I told her that my mom has been being supportive. I told her how things are between Josh and me. I told her about Gene's death and how angry my brother got when he found out I'd written about Gene on my Facebook. I started to talk about Gene and how hurt I was that my brother is taking this so hard. I broke down and started to cry. I've only cried 2 times in the 3 years I've been seeing her. She seemed to soften and act like the Kris I know. *sigh*

Last night, I was showing Josh a video of Gene's death being spoken about in the NC Senate. There were two videos on the sidebar of parts of Gene's funeral. I'll put them below.

This one starts with Gene's and ends at 2:12 with honoring someone else:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6e1LddBknyM

In this one, you can only see their backs at the beginning, but it's Gene's body going by and everyone saluting. Then it shows all the people who came and lined the streets in his honor:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3OEcT-KWfLI