postalmoose

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I have recently been struggling with eating. I have been eating crap on occasion like chocolate. Alot of chocolate. I ce cream is a danger for sure. I am having to really struggle to not blow this with the snacking I do. Really it conmes down to how bad do you want it and want to change? Going through any WLS is a huge first step and it is time to take advantage of the commitment you have already made! It isn't easy , I have lost 150 lb. in eight months and am at my goal. But even this early I am seeing those old feelings of food creeping in and I find the best way is to  follow the plan for life. Really if you eat small portions five times a day and exercise regularly you should be able to stay the course. Use the tool to your advantage. But now that you are down to your goal don't cheat yourself but learn what moderation really means. I t hasn't helped that I don't really love my wife and I jusr recently went through a bout with kidney cancer. Stress has been a constant companion, food hasn't been far behind. I haven't really grossed out but it is what extra I am eating. To much of that. I need to get back to what works and stay the course.

Two days ago was my real six month anniversary! I am down 8 more pounds since my last checkup and am almost down to 250 pounds. I t is funny how six months agao I would beat myself up over my weight and now I am doing it again. But I have to give myself some perspective and realize I am within 20 pounds of my goal, and have lost 160 pounds since January of 2009. That is a whole person! But I feel great with no health problems related to obesity and I am working out religiously which has really helped. It has built muscle for me and I feel and can see it as my body is now that of a healthy in shape middle aged man. I can't wait for that last of this to melt off. Even now X-large clothing I have been wearing for a couple of months is getting to big. With the last fill I had I am 7cc in my 14cc band and I have really noticed a difference with just a .5cc fill the last time. It has taken me ten days to get used to the new band restricture. I think this may be the last fill for me but we will see here in about four and a half weeks.

Went in for my six month checkup and am down to 260 lbs. which is 120 lbs. since I met Dr.Snyder. 170 lbs. since the beginning of 2009. The exercise I have been doing the last two months is really paying off as it has kick started me to lose another 20lbs. since my last checkup six weeks ago. I feel great. I went on a 26 mile bike ride last weekend which I would have never been able to do before.

It jas been a month since I wrote here. Right now I am losing albeit slower as my body has goptten used to the new me. So the last five weeks I have started to lift weights and exercise regularly. My weight loss is now about ften a month versus 25-30 the first four months. But I am now where a regualr middle aged man would b. So hopefully I can continue to the end which is 30 or so pounds away. I did have a second fill and I did not get sick and will go in for another fill on my six month anniversary. That will get me to 7cc in my band. I need the fills to keep the snackong to a minimum. But the difference in my health and how I look is amazing and everyone I know, frinends and family are just amazed at the difference. We went to dinner with my oldest stepdaughter who hadn't seen my since Christmas and she was blown away at how I looked. The look on her face was priceless. As far as the exercising goes I am really motivated to do it as I want to get to 230 or 240 and it isn't that far away. But exercising feels good when you are a ta weight where you can handle it.

I have had three great months but I noticed some things that have changed and I would like to write them down before I forget. Massive weight loss, 90 lbs in almost four months is great but getting older is still by the minute. Anyway a few obvious observations...... I am now into XL clothing and the old 3x-4x clothing I have no longer fits as it just hangs weird on my new frame. One great thing is I no longer have to stretch out a shirt to put it on and make it feel loose. I can just slip it on and it fits naturally. My pants when I bend over no longer show my ass, which I hate and I can actually squat down with ease. My shoes no longer are tight as my foot is thinner. My heels had problems with cracks from carrying all that weight but now no more cracks. I had to change my sleep number twice now as I shrink I have to put more air in to feel comfortable. My John Henry works again. Without pills! And I can see it again. A great thing indeed! I no longer have man boobs but alot of loose skin under my biceps and belly! I don't think it will ever tighten up their was just too much weight for too long. The drivers seat in the Suzuki I have had to raise the seat back and can now put on the seat belt with ease. I can walk for miles with no leg pain or back stiffness. But I do get colder faster and easier. I used to sweat in the middle of winter before but now I am freezing. My wife said that is a good thing! Women are totally attracted to me at work with alot of flirting and hugs. I love it! Feels great to to get hugs and the arms go around to meet in the middle of my back. That never happened before. I can wrap my wrist with my other hand so that my thumb and forefinger touch. I go number 2 less and wipe less therefore no more hemmoroids from doing too much of both before, and toilet paper use has gone down dramatically. My bowels are also clear because when I eat beans now within half an hour I can feel the rumblings. I no longer feels my bowels in turmoil like I used too from eating so much so often. I have had to adjust all my ball caps from my head shrinking. My neck is no longer wider than my head. I can't wait for warmer weather and getting out on my bike. Last time I rode I weighed four hundred pounds. I am going to start lifting weights as now I think I can really make a difference in my body and health, a huge change from before when I didn't seem to care. I didn't think I could get here but surgery was the best option for me. No regrets. People ask me about missing certain foods and I tell them it is a price I am willing to pay! I went to the store and the checker, a young lady, said " Wow, you sure eat healthy!" Cracked me up and it was the second time that has happened. No one would have ever said that before! I laughed out loud and she asked why and I told her about the surgery and she got the irony of it. I have already grown accustomed to eating half a cup a meal. Seems like so little but when eaten slowly and chewed slowly, with a baby spoon, seems to be quite filling. Eating every three hours is a good thing too, as the time goes by fast and next thing you know it is time to eat again. I find it a fulfilling way to eat. Better than cramming it down my throat to fill up my stomach to the point of total uncomfort. Was told the other day by a friend that I even walk different now and it feels like it too! I love eating a mostly protein diet as I love meat, beans, eggs and I have found out about Greek Yogurt. Very tasty yogurt and put in a quarter cup of egg white protein and an 1/8th cup of fruit, it is delicious like a custard in a way. Great high protein breakfast food first thing in the day! By the way egg white protein is the best protein for me. I love the taste and texture better than soy or whey protein. Mixes in food better. I figure we are spending three hundred dollars less a month at the grocery store. Unreal that I was eating that much extra food. The savings is like working some overtime every week. Was afraid of taking fish oil pills as I have gotten fills but discovered orange flavored fish oil in a bottle. Not a bad taste and easy to take with a teaspoon. It is funny and pleasing to see peoples reactions when they haven't seen me in awhile! Even just a couple of weeks makes a difference. Love to eat a protein bar every few days. Almost like eating a candy bar but the right bar and you get great protein in a 10/1 calories to protein ratio. I love Balance bars or Pure Protein bars, 15 - 20  grams protein and great flavors. I can now wear my cell phone on my waist and an MP3 player on the other and sit down in a chair with arms on it and be able to fit with room. Used to have a pad of fat on my neck and upper shoulders that I could use as a headrest sitting in office chairs. Can't do that anymore! I can sleep 6-7 hours and wake up refreshed not all tired from sleep apnea which for me is gone, I don't even snore anymore. A more sound sleep now! Playing sports again is a real possibility this summer. Funny how no I can feel full after a half a cup of food and notice it feeling a bit pleasant as before I would eat until gorged and in extreme discomfort alot of the time. I am really noticing, my wife too, of how many obese people there really are anymore. Just look around at the store it is amazing and sad!

I have seen the problem with weighing yourself everyday recently. I am at 276 right now down basically 95 lbs. in three and a half months. The results are unbelievable. It has changed everything for me in such a short time. But from the beginning I refused to weigh myself everyday or every couple of days. But recently I have started to weigh myself more and I find myself complaining to myself that I am not losing fast enough. But I go back to the health tracker and I see that I have lost ten more pounds the last two weeks but it seems like so much less. How ridiculous is that? I looked and I lost 14 pounds in three weeks in November and I am still losing at that rate of 15lbs a month. So maybe if I don't step on the scale so much I can get back to some peace in my mind. That is why the brain is weird as the old feelings and thoughts come up about food and it drives me crazy to have them come up when everything is going so well otherwise. But I seem to have much more control over not eating the junk but the urges still rear their ugly heads. Really I don't think about candy or chips as the few I have tried just don't sit well with me. Not sick but an oogie feeling.  I am trying to recognize when I am in one of those modes and doing something physically rewarding to keep them at bay. It is tough but a necessary part of this life changing process because it ain't all physical, you have to do the mental change also and that may be the hardest part.

Well I went in for my three month check last Thursday and was at 292 which is great. And I got my second fill which to me from 4.5cc to 7cc, which is half of the 14cc my band holds. The problem is that the 2.5 cc's my nurse put in didn't sit well with me and made me puke four times on Sunday. I tried to make it at work the next day but it was misery. So I went in for a unfill in which she took out 1cc. Felt better but as the day went on I got sick two more times. Went in that afternoon to take out one more cc and everything went back to normal. Will go in in three weeks for a small fill and three weeks after that for another small fill. Hopefully slower is better for me. But the physical misery of a bad fill is terrible and not something you want to go through for sure. But I would rather go through that than be back at 450 lbs. All in all it is a learning experince to take it slow for me.

I went in for my blood draw today. I meet my PCP next Friday then Dr. Snyder on the 18th. Three month out checkup. I think I might be under 300 by then. Wow! Can you say wow! I can't believe it has been three months already. Seems so normal now. Today I met with some friends at Old Chicago for a rehash of the season of football. It is the first time I have gone out since surgery. I had one beer and really sipped it to stretch it out. Then I ordered a meditteranean chicken dish with veggies and denied the bread. Cut my share into bits and eat slowly. Not bad at all. Brought the rest home for wife. Funny, paid for one meal but fed two people, when is the last time anyone said that about me! LOL! Two of my buddies were there, the both have retired in the last year or so. Hadn't seen them in a while and my good friend was a bit shocked. He was the only one who knew months in advance that I was doing this. So it had been two months since we saw each other. I will tell you this, say what you want about surgery to lose weight but be honest the speed of weight loss is an absolute bonus to drop massive weight fast. That is the biggest drawback to dieting is how long it takes. You put it on fast this gets it off fast. The other great part is how flattering it is to have everyone so complimentary and how understanding they are at the whole process of weight surgery and why I needed to do it. Escpecially understanding of the bad health I was in and how now my health is greatly improved. Has been the trip of a lifetime for me to go through all of this. So far, so good for me and I hope everyone else going through this is

Well Christmas goes by and I am 8 week sin and down to 305 lbs. Snacking has become an issue with me as some old issues are coming up. My only saving grace is that my pouch doesn't allow me to just outright gross out. But I have to get it under control. I remember somewhere that there was warning about chewing gum because it would cause me to trigger the snacking feelings. It has and I don't like it. That hard core attitude needs to reenter my life. Now I am still losing weight so not all is bad and I still eat plenty of protein but the urges to snack, graze, gross out are still there. When available I think I am going to do some therapy for my eating issues. I need that help. Some time after the new year. But in the mean time I have to garner some control over these feelings so I can continue to lose weight and not become some snacking monster again. There is no way in hell I am going back to that asshole again. Weight loss through surgery needs to be the new me and that is truly what I want and now.

In my short experience with WLS. I have talked to a number of obese people at work when they have asked me how or why I did it. Some are genuinely interested and others feign as though they are ok with themselves but I can tell it is otherwise. Because I know what it is like to be obese. I never say anything unless asked.  And I guess it is like an addict in that you will do it when you reach that point in your life. Especially now that WLS is a realistic and fairly safe option. So who knows with her. I know I have had many people come up to me and tell me they are inspired in some way and that feels good. I try to be encouraging to some and helpful to others. But the overwhelming support and positive vibes I have been getting from dozens of people helps me alot! I would like to think that a big part of the reason for that is that I have been open and honest with everyone when asked. And while I know I have changed very much to me it does'nt look so dramatic as I am sure alot of my friends and co-workers and family see me.