Vinasu
Three week point
Sep 02, 2016
When I left off last time, I was still on the liquid diet and getting a little desperate for food. Now on purees, it's...well...totally meh. I am really glad I get to eat, and I am having no problems eating, but I feel like I'd be just as happy eating one meal a day as three.
I'm averaging about 500 calories a day, 70 grams of protein. My surgeon says I need to bump that up closer to 800 calories a day. I'm just too full to do it right now. I'd have to drink the calories, which is a habit I'd rather not get in to.
I lost my job this week. It's nothing to do with WLS--our company went under because of a lawsuit. So now I have to find something else. I work in such an appearance-centric field (media) that I was really hoping to have lost quite a bit more before job hunting. Once, when I was at my high weight (250), we were approached by a local TV station to do a series on a subject I am an expert in. However, once they saw me, they reneged. They said either my attractive co-worker needed to do the spot (I have multiple degrees and years of experience. She dropped out of college and was working there six months...), or they'd cancel it altogether. Anyway, this is the environment I need to job search in, and I'm still really fat.
I've hit the three-week stall. I had hoped I would skip over that tired trope, but no such luck. The scale hasn't budged in a week. I know everyone says not to look at the scale every day, but that's just not going to happen with me. I do take enormous comfort in the fact that I know it's both common to WLS and temporary.
I've lost 44 pounds (32 of them pre-surgery), so I've gone from a size 20-22 to a 16. I feel so much better about myself, though right now it's hard not to feel like I was doing better without surgery, since I lost it faster before.
However, DH hasn't noticed a thing. He didn't notice when I was really fat. He hasn't noticed me not-so-fat, and I doubt he'll notice when I'm much thinner. He just sees me as me. When I was first thinking about surgery, he was behind me 100%. Now that I've been losing and he can't tell the difference, I asked him why, if he didn't care about the weight, was he willing to do this with me, to spend so much money and effort on this. He told me, "I know how unhappy you've been about the way you look. I just want you to be happy." I love him.
One huge difference is that I've started to feel feminine. Being fat, I always felt, I guess, like less of a woman, a sexless, amorphous blob. Now that that's changing, I am wearing jewelry. I got a mani-pedi for the first time in years. I'm checking clothes for flattering fit rather than whether they fit at all. Even though I have a long way to go (I've still got 66% of my excess weight to lose until goal), I am starting to feel like me again, and I haven't been me in a long time.
