Vinasu
Month 5
Jan 10, 2017
Milestones:
-8 pounds
CW: 154
Size 8
I’m down more than 90 pounds! Milestone! That’s insane to even think about, but holy cow, it’s true! It’s like I was carrying my kids strapped to me everywhere I went.
For the first time in my entire life, I weigh less than my sister…but she’s still 4 inches taller, so my BMI is higher.
I’m a size 8. I took my daughter shopping and pulled on some jeans. An hour into the trip, I realized I was constantly hiking up my pants…and they were 10s. I went home and put on 8s and they fit like a glove. I’m in single digits! Psychologically, that is such a victory for me. I feel so much more human now.
I have a cabinet in my bedroom. For years, I have stored too-small clothes in that cabinet. I have bought clothes over the last few months and put them in that cabinet waiting until I can wear them. As of this month, that cabinet is empty. I never bought anything less than a size 8 because I have never been able to imagine myself in anything less. Well, right now all of those size 8s fit. I guess I can get a size 6 as my new stretch outfit.
I definitely lose in fits and starts. I dropped 5 pounds the first week, and then nothing for three weeks. This week, I dropped the last 3. It’s a bit nerve-wracking because I keep thinking, “Is this it?” I know it’s not. I’m following the program, working out, and eating 800 calories a day, so I’m definitely going to keep losing, but it’s still very anxiety-provoking.
I overate Christmas and Christmas Eve. However, I pushed my calories really low the rest of the week to average it out. So, even though I indulged, I still went down two pounds during the week. I feel pretty good about that. I feel like I’m in control, and there’s no guilt.
I had an epiphany this month. I was in a waiting room with about a dozen other people, and looking around, I was the smallest person in the room. Yeah, I am so used to being the largest person of either sex in any given public space, that I never considered not being so conspicuous. Before, it was shocking to see someone larger than me. Now, I’m just….average. It’s amazing.
So…a bit of a NSV. Last weekend, we took family photos. I haven’t done that since my daughter was born—twelve years ago. I just could not stand the way I looked for so long. A year ago, I could never imagine allowing someone to record my appearance. On Saturday, I paid someone to do it.
For the first time, someone asked me how much more weight I intend to lose. A family friend told me that I’m wasting away. I pointed out that I’m still 15 pounds overweight…and 25 pounds to my goal.
In the pictures this month, you can really see my loose skin. My inner thighs are awful, too. I’m already saving up for plastics. I’d show you pics of the thighs, but I don’t own shorts. The skin is pretty rough, though. On a different message board, one woman posted that she weighs 400 pounds and is interested in surgery, but doesn’t want to do it because of loose skin. I really wanted to say, “You’re 400 pounds! When you go out, do you really think people’s first thought is, ‘Wow! She’s got great skin!’” But I didn’t say that because in the end she’s the one who has to live that life. To anyone else thinking about surgery, though, I want to say, unequivocally, that loose skin is worth it. My skin may be loose, it may look awful bare, but I look pretty damned good clothed and I feel amazing all the time.
