Question:
Should I let my children come visit me in the hospital?
I am having Open RNY, Monday 03/24/03. I have four children 16, 11 and twin 6 year olds. I have informed them all of the surgery. One of my twins are very scared for me. However, my 16 year old son advised me he doesn't want to see me in any pain or hooked up to IV's and he thought it might scare the younger ones. So just curious what you guys think and get some personal experiences. Thank you! — Steph P. (posted on March 22, 2003)
March 22, 2003
All I know is I thought I was doing okay and didn't look to bad when my
brother (48) stopped in to see me in the hospital. It shocked the heck out
of me. It was the 2nd or 3rd day, I forget. I got out of bed and of
course had some difficulty and was in pain, but other than that I was doing
good. He went home and told his significant other how bad I looked and he
was scared and concerned. Granted he's not big on hospitals but if that's
how a 48 yr old felt then I would talk to the kids on the phone as much as
they want and see them when you are home. You'll have normal clothes back
on and more color in you etc. They will be less freaked, even the older
ones. You will likely on be in ther 3-1/2 days. They can just talk to mom
for that length of time.
— zoedogcbr
March 22, 2003
I am pre-op, and I do not have a surgery date yet, I see my surgeon for
first consult on April 17th. I have a grown son and daughter in law, and a
2 year old grandson. I do not want my grandson in my room, I think it is to
much for him. I am going to try to walk to the waiting room and see him.
That way he sees me up and walking, and I think it will not be so scarey,
could you maybe do the same thing. The hospital is scarey for adults, being
in the room and seeing sick people an all would be hard on kids, hope this
helps
— cindy
March 22, 2003
Everyone's experience is different. I was tired and grumpy the 2 days I was
in the hospital plus the morphine made me throw up a few times. My husbands
family lives here and all came to visit both days. Honestly I just wanted
to sleep. I would open my eyes say a few words then pass out. I remember
hearing everyone in my room while I was trying to sleep and thinking
"please leave!" My poor husband stayed with me and I wouldn't
even let him watch tv. He read a bunch of magazines and was a saint, which
had to be tough because he is a natural bastard. Ha...Ha. I'm glad he
stayed with me because he was much more help than the nurses who take their
time to come to your aid. My husband said I am the worst patient ever! He's
probably right. I am a BIG baby and get cranky when I am in any
discomfort.
I wish you all the best!!!!
— Michelle H.
March 22, 2003
I agree with other posters stating that I would call the kids the evening
of the surgery and a couple times a day the balance of time you are in the
hospital to reassure them you are doing fine and you will usually be home
the third day.
— Michael K.
March 22, 2003
Great question, I have a five year old and I wasn't even thinking about
that. But I think for him to see me like that might be too much for him. He
will stand out side of my room after an asthma attack, saying how sad he is
because mommy feels bad. I was thinking selfessly, went away for a weekend
and couldn't function without him. But we did telephone "each
other." This website rocks, helps me think about issue I don't think
of on my own.
— deniece M.
March 22, 2003
Mine were 8 & 9 and I didn't want them there. All the tubes and pain
was a little too much reality in my opinion. Seeing the cuts after I got
home was plenty for them. In fact, I sent them to their grandparents for
the week and they were so focused on having their own good time, they
didn't worry much about poor old mom!!
— jen41766
March 22, 2003
I have 4 children. At the time of my surgery they were ages 2,5,6,AND 12.
They delt with it better than my husband and mother. I think it is
reassuring for them to see that you are OK. Just talk to them when they
are there. I just told them that the IV was because I couldn't dring
enough water right now and the oxyegen was just to help me get more air and
they were OK. My family had them make their own cards for me and they
loved that I put them on the walls in my room. Kids are stronger than you
think. If you don't let them see you their imaginations ill be ten times
worse than reality.
— Linda A.
March 22, 2003
I think it's according to ages and personality. My 23 yr old and 16 yr old
went along with my mom. well my 23 yr old did a disappearing act.He never
did see me in ICU. My 16 yr old got upset when she saw me on the vent and
tubes all over. Later she said she went to school and was stressed out. and
she talked to some teachers about it.I remember when all 4 of the kids came
to visit me. I watch each one of their faces when they came through the
door. Pure terror. Until they see for them self that you are ok. Even
before my op the kids tryed to talk me out of it. They came up with all
kinds of reasons why I shouldn't. They were just afraid I would die. which
is normal thinking concidering this kind of op. I think If you are up and
around, with no gagets hanging off you. It's ok for the kids to come. They
would come if you were having a baby or any other op. Right!
— Naes Wls J.
March 22, 2003
I have a 10 year old brother who was very scared about me getting the
surgery. He and my husband visited me right after surgery, then every day
after. I think it really helped, because he could see that i was fine.
His only other experience with hospitals was when our mother died...and he
didn't get to go to the hospital then because of her condition...if he
hadn't been able to go when I was in there, I think it would have scarred
him...he needed to know hospitals didn't mean death.
— thekatinthehat
March 22, 2003
I did not allow my sons to see me in the hospital. I had a *central line*,
the i.v. in the neck, and I felt that that would be way too traumatizing to
my young sons. What I did do however was talked to them EVERY DAY on the
phone...sometimes two or three times. I also got little presents for them
and wrapped them up. I put them in small bags, labeled with the days I
would be gone...and then put the smaller bags into one big bag...I left
instructions that my husband or my mother was to give each boy a present
every day. It helped them feel better and me feel better. Just a
suggestion. Have a Sparkling Day!! ~CAE~
— Mustang
March 22, 2003
I am having Lap RNY on April 8th and I have 3 children ages, 5, 9 & 10.
I plan on having my husband and or parents bring them in to see me. They
know what I am doing in regards to this surgery, and I don't want them to
be afraid. My children have seen many family members in the hospital, and
are comfortable with pain, sickness and the likes. I would rather them see
first hand that mom is 'ok' then to worry about me. Of course they won't
be in the hospital for any significant amount of time, but to come and see
me for a few moments and give me a kiss. I understand everyone has their
own preferences, and mine is to keep my children well informed.
— J. Wilkinson
March 22, 2003
My children are 7 and 1. Im having surgery 3 1/2 hours from my home. I have
decided to take my kids with us the day of surgery. Just in case something
were to happen they would be their. If I were awake and doctor said you
only have a little time left I would beable to say goodbye. Everyone has a
different opinion. Celeste
— sunshineinjaxs
March 22, 2003
Hello there - I will be 3 weeks post op on 3/24 - I have a 10 yr daughter
and she DEFINATELY was there on surgery day as well as everyday for the 4
days I was in the hospital. It not only helped me get thru the stay BUT it
greatly eased my child's mind that Mom was OK. She did homework in my room
with her Daddy. I really believe thought that it truly depends on your
relationship with you children as well as their maturity level. GOOD LUCK
!!!!
— Kewpidoll
March 22, 2003
My 10 year old son stayed with my parents for the first night so my husband
could come and go as he wanted and I needed. My husband stayed at a hotel
nearby. When he went home the 2nd day, he picked up our son and brought
him in to see me each day, the rest of my stay. He was ok with it and was
missing seeing me. I felt that seeing me was better than wondering what was
really going on. Unfortunately with various family members having been
ill, he has been in and out of hospitals since he was in utero and it
wasn't an unfamiliar thing for him.
— Fixnmyself
March 22, 2003
I had open RNY on 10/15/02, my kid were 7 and 2 at the time. Once I was
fully awake and had my pain under control, my hubby made sure I was well
covered (tube and stuff) and the kids came to see me....they spent a good
deal of time with me each day....walking down the hall, discussing how I
felt (which I always said I was fine- they did not need to hear about
mommys pain), my tray full of liquids, we watched tv, read books,shared SF
popscicles ect....it eliminated the unknown for them... o their fears and
worries were gone too. Since they knew I had a sore tummy, they were more
helpful (and gentle)and told everyone who came in to watchout for moms
tummy..they felt like they were really helping.
— cherokey55
March 22, 2003
Maybe you should make sure it is okay with the hospital personel before you
have your kids come in. Most hospitals don't really want kids under a
certain age to visit. (I worked on a cadiac floor for years, and yes, we
bent the rules many, many times - kids and grandkids are great
"medicine"). Still, it was clearly posted that children under a
certain age were not permitted on the floors. Although your kids may be
coming to see you, they may see other patients that have things going on
that could disturb them. Sometimes the sounds and sights (and smells) in a
hospital can be a little overwhelming from a child's viewpoint. I agree
with the poster who advised calling them. You won't be in that long,
anyhow. If you can walk to a visiting room in the hospital to see them,
that may provide reassurance. Please, please make sure it's permissable for
them to visit before having them come to the hospital!
— koogy
March 23, 2003
I am having Lap RNY on 4/03 at a hospital that is 2hrs away. My children
will NOT be coming to the hospital- I WILL be calling them on a daily basis
though. I think they do not need to be exposed to it-so I am not having
them stay home with Grandma and I will talk to them over the phone. My
Hubby will be with me for a few days- and then he will go home.
— Jan S.
March 23, 2003
I had my surgery 3/11/03. My daugher is 7 and she came to visit me the day
after surgery and came with my parents to take me home. She would have
worried more if she could not have seen that I was ok. I only had an I.V.
in me when she came in. I think you have to do what is more comfortable for
the child...Good Luck!
— Wendy M.
March 24, 2003
You've gotten lots of great responses and I'm only responding because I
have twins too. Mine are 20 so it was a different issue. I forbid my kids
to visit, in fact I forbid everyone except my husband. I did not want to
have to be cheerful. I think it all depends on the kids and I certainly
would not have the 16 year old visit since he has expressed an opinion.
Check with the others. Peace
— Sunny S.
March 26, 2003
I had my gallblader out when my daughter was 3. My mother brought her to
the hospital to see me. My daughter didn't want to get out of my mothers
lap. She didn't cry but I wasn't the mommy she was used to. I only had an
IV in at the time. After the nurse came in to remove the IV my daughter
was fine. She even took a walk with me down the hallway. Now that
daughter is 12. When I have may WSL I will not be having her or my 4 year
old come to see me. This is just because the hospital is 3 hours away. I
don't want them to travel that far and become upset.
— Cameron Van Winkle
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