Fear of Success Following Significant Weight Loss
July 28, 2025Fear of Success Following Significant Weight Loss: People. We want things! Some people want to be wealthy. Some want to lead organizations. Others want an advanced degree. The list of things we want is endless! If you’re reading this article, my guess is you have wanted to lose weight, to maintain a healthy weight, and to get out there and live life to its fullest!
What keeps people from going after what they want in life? Research tells us that fear is one of the top reasons why people hold back. That makes sense… in some cases. For example, it’s scary to take risks necessary to do what’s required to start a thriving business: have a strong belief in your idea, ask others to invest money and time in your dream, and trust others involved in the process to work hard toward your goals. It’s also frightening to think about what is required to be the leader of an organization: delegating, setting firm boundaries with others, and feeling confident making difficult decisions. It’s also scary to think about the time and effort required to get an advanced degree: years of your life dedicated to attending classes, studying and taking exams, and investing a lot of hard-earned money!
Fear of Success Following Significant Weight Loss
What about losing weight, maintaining weight, and getting out there to live life? What’s so scary about that? Most people would say, “Nothing! There’s nothing scary about that! In fact, let’s get going! I can’t wait!” For a lot of people, that response rings true. And yet, although it may initially seem illogical, other people experience fear related to the idea of being successful in losing weight and maintaining that weight loss! What?! What is there to fear about something you’ve wanted to do for years? You have dreamed of getting rid of the weight that has prevented you from socializing, from finding a partner, and from traveling with ease. Extra weight has prevented you from the thrill of zip-lining, roller-coaster-riding, hiking the mountain trails, and riding horses!
Let’s explore some of the very real fears people have expressed about being “successful” in losing weight and maintaining a healthier weight:
- Fear of failure...
- Fear of losing the comfort they enjoy from food. ...
- Fear of losing one thing (maybe one of the only things) they find pleasure in…
- Concern about relationships changing if they lose weight...
- Fear of attracting unwanted attention following weight loss…
- Fear of not being able to use weight as an excuse not to do things they don’t want to do ...
Losing weight only to regain it is a reality for a lot of people! The fear of failure looms large for these people! Those who have lost weight and regained some or most of it have experienced frustration, disappointment, and humiliation, which they do not want to relive.
Dealing With Difficult Emotions
Food can be a person’s habitual coping skill, and they may not be familiar with healthier options for dealing with difficult emotions and the daily stressors of life. Not to mention, having that pint of ice cream to soothe a romantic rejection may seem quicker and easier than allowing oneself to feel sadness, bitterness, and the sting of agonizing tears. Letting go of food as a coping mechanism is not a preferred option when you are unfamiliar with healthier coping skills. Some people find food to be the most pleasurable aspect of their lives. Giving up the one thing in which they find joy can be a frightening and inconceivable prospect.
When people lose weight, they often find that some of the most important relationships in their lives change in ways that are upsetting or confusing. Partners may become insecure and pick fights or leave the relationship. Friends sometimes display envy when social attention turns to the person having lost weight, causing tension in the relationship. Family members sometimes sabotage a person’s weight loss in an attempt to prevent family dynamics from changing.
The fear of disrupting any relationship may be so intimidating that people sometimes regain weight or opt not to lose weight to maintain the status quo.
Many a person fears weight loss success because they fear unwanted attention that often accompanies decreasing clothing sizes. For some, prior weight loss experiences resulted in unwanted sexual attention. For others, weight loss ushered in attention they responded to in ways they later regretted. Additional attention from co-workers, family members, and others can feel extremely threatening.
While it may be counterintuitive, some people fear losing weight because along with the pounds, they lose their excuses for being irresponsible, not taking risks, or rarely spending time alone. For example, a heavy person may say, “I can’t help in the yard. It’s too hard for me,” or “I can’t go out and look for a job. It’s too hard to get around, and standing in a line is agonizingly painful,” or “You can’t possibly expect me to walk around the kitchen and cook.” For whatever reasons, people may fear being responsible for everyday adult tasks. Other overweight people may say, “I couldn’t possibly be considered as a candidate for that promotion,” or “Asking a person on a date leaves me feeling too vulnerable.” These statements suggest fear of taking risks. A mother with obesity may lament, “If I lose weight, my daughter will move out on her own because she won’t need to take care of me, and then I’ll be alone.” The fear of not having someone to depend on may be enough to keep some people from even trying to lose weight.
Identify Your Fears Of Success
To create and sustain weight loss, it’s necessary to identify your fears of success. Ask yourself what about losing weight and keeping it off results in your feeling anxious, nervous, fearful, or upset. Have you experienced these things if you’ve lost weight in the past? Journal your thoughts about your concerns. Talk with a therapist if you need to so that you can address your fears and learn tools for working through the fear. Expressing your fears through writing or by talking about them can help you find the courage to overcome them. The willingness to identify and share your concerns about being successful with weight loss will result in feeling more in control. This will be a step toward feeling more confident about your thoughts and behaviors related to food.
Overcoming your fears related to success after weight loss means letting go of the limiting beliefs and fears that are holding you back. Having support through the process of expressing and releasing fear will help develop confidence, which encourages healthy risk-taking, which leads to positive results. Feel your fears, express your concerns, and step out of your comfort zone with the help of a trusted friend or professional. Outside your comfort zone is, after all, where the magic of change occurs. As they say in therapeutic communities around the world, “Feel the fear, and do the healthy things anyway!”
Editor’s Note: Dr. Stapleton will be leading a Gentle Yoga session at the ObesityHelp National Conference this October. She will also present an insightful workshop titled "Triggers vs. True Needs: Breaking the Cycle of Addiction."
 | ABOUT THE AUTHOR Connie Stapleton, PhD is a licensed psychologist, author, speaker and creator of BariAfercare, a comprehensive online weight loss maintenance program. Dr. Stapleton is the author of three books, is a national and international speaker, and appears as the bariatric psychologist on three national television programs. Read more articles by Connie Stapleton! |
