On the bench, doing well in some regards and not so well in others...long rant

I'm happy you are on the mend. I feel so bad for you with how your husband is acting right now. When he gets like that I would point out that you have taken care all those things without losing it!
Speedy recovery.

CdnGal said:
" I think you should pack up the kids and take them and you to your parents house.  He needs a time out to think about what a jerk he is being.  I would also tell him in no uncertain terms that this will become permanent if he doesn't get it together and start to respect you and treat you better. "

She's absolutely right. Ditto that.

Of course this is really about his fear. He thought he might lose you.
And then he'd really have to pick up his game. Awww - poor widdle fella.

But that doesn't matter. Your recovery is going to be rough, physically and emotionally.
And you need to concentrate on that for awhile. Seriously.

You can work on the relationship (or not) after the next couple of weeks have been survived.

Thank you everyone for all of the support.  I really do appreciate it and it really means a lot to me.  My best friend is spending the night tonight (I have asked hubby to stay at his parent's for a little bit) I just can't deal with this crap.  I kept thinking it might be an isolated incident but got talking with girlfriends and all of them had stories of situations where my husband reacted inappropriately in an attempt to make himself the center of attention, the most recent being my best friend having to hunt him down on the day I had surgery to make sure I was ok because he refused to call anyone (would only text) and when she did get a chance to speak with him he didn't have any answers to any of her questions, just kept going on about how his tendonitius was bugging him.
Things were getting rocky before surgery...this just seems to be the icing on the cake or the confirmation or the straw that broke the camels back...whatever you want to call it it has definitely removed my blinders.
I have no intention of sitting back and having myself and my children treated like this any longer.  I kept thinking that I needed to just bite my tongue because I would need help after surgery (I have 4 kids from 16 months to 10) but now that I've gone through it I can see who is helping and it isn't him.  It's my wonderful friends and my parents and my amazing 10 year old who had more ability that I would have ever imagined with her little sisters and my wonderful 7 year old who seems to understand how to help when mom's not feeling to great.
This surgery has shown me sides of everyone around me that I didn't know was there...some good...some bad.  It has also shown me that I do care enough about myself to make the changes needed to improve all of our lives and I intend to do so.  A woman is like a tea bag, you never know how strong she is until you drop her in ho****er.
Thank you all...you have no idea how much it meant to login and see supportive comments when I needed them the most.

I absolutely love this reply!  You got it going on, girl and you know what to do.  Can I say how proud I am of you, without even knowing you?  Hang strong!

Thank you for gettting back to us. I'm glad that he'll be staying at his parents.

Sometimes we're blind to the abuse, because we don't have bruises or a bloody nose, but this is abuse. You don't need that kind of help.

Be careful, tho, about giving your 10 and 7 yr old too much responsibility. You dont want them to have to grow up too quickly. THey need protection.

You are an incredibly strong woman, i can tell that from this post.

Hugs.

I  hope you find a resolution that works best for you and your kids - whatever that is.  What struck me with your post and the resulting conversations is that we get very focused on the physical  changes that come with this  surgery that I think we forget about the changes that occur within our relationships  with people (I know I certainly have not thought too much about that part of things).  I expect that the time immediatly afterwards is really rough but that overall it is very empowering  and perhaps we will have the courage to make changes in  our lives that we weren't able to make when we felt that our choices were so much more  limited. 

I wish you the best with your recovery  and with your relationship. 

Steph

I'm so glad to hear that he's staying away for now. 

You sound amazing and strong.  I'm sure you're going to rock this surgery, and I hope you have all the support you need, no matter what happens to your marriage.

Wow....I'm speachless....I started reading your post and it was like reading a chapter out of my own life.   I have since divorced that asshole and my heart breaks for you and for your children.   You sound like you have the right attitude and  friends have made you see that you do NOT deserve to be treated this way.  If there is anything I can do, please do not hesitate to reach out.  I could write a small mini series on my 12 plus years of abuse by this man.

Thinking of you.  Much love,  Val

My God, what on earth is wrong with this guy? He needs a few slaps upside the head and a major attitude adjustment! (Reminds of my ex-husband). Could it be that he's jealous of the attention he feels you'll be getting from everyone or maybe he thinks that you're going to lose lots of weight and start looking for a new man? Was he like this before surgery or is this behaviour new? Would he be willing to go for counselling? Do you think that he would sit down & talk things out with you so that you could understand why he's acting so shamefully towards you? There is just no excuse for his abusive behaviour and I am so sorry that you have to put up with this. Can your parents help you out? Do you have a good friend who you could talk with about this? I'm afraid that it's going to escalate into physical abuse and it's certainly not healthy for the kids to be witnessing this type of behaviour! Please let us know how you are making out and what is happening with him as I'm going to worry about you. I'm sending warm hugs out to you!

Deb

It could be selfishness or fear on his part but what a time to pull such stunts.  I have an ex hubby that did similar things and it's one of the main reasons he is an ex.  I see many of us have posted about similar situations and we all have one thing in common, they are all exes now.  Only you know for sure if this is an isolated incident or not.  If it is then it could just have to do with fear around your surgery but I see you posted friends have noticed other things but they still all stem from time of surgery.  I'm glad to read you asked him to go elsehwere for the weekend.  You don't need that bull**** when you are recovering and your kids don't need it either.