Having a hard 3 days with the "old me"

For the last 3 days  have been feeling like I am in morning over the "old me."  I have made a lot of changes to my bad eating habits and I have also been working on the way I think about food.  But I still have a long way to go!   Sometimes I find myself thinking that how  am I ever going to do this.....every thing I was and still am has been wrapped around food and eating.  I'm not sure if anyone of my friends would understand how I'm feeling.   I have tried talking to my mom about it and she is really trying her best to let me talk about it, but is she not the "feeling type"......she is very cut and dried about feelings....but like I said she is doing her best to understand!  I feel like I have been told I have only a week to live and then after the week I will have someone elses life.  Does that make sense???.....has anyone else felt like this pre-op?  I am one year away from having my WLS and I am so happy that I have this forum I can vent on!

 This journey called wls is filled with emotional roller coaster rides.   What you are feeling is normal.    People who don't have food problems just don't understand.   A friend last week wrote on her facebook how much she loved food.   I replied I don't.   I hate it, hate to shop, hate to cook, hate all the feelings assoc. with it.   She, nor her friends that responded, understood.   And she's heavy.   I felt like I was talking alien.   I wish I was rich, and had someone to bring me food.. then again, that cabana boy who brought me the food would be instructed by me to bring me oreos.  lol.   Kidding.   Whatever makes us 'us', is deep.   And sometimes it's just real hard to understand us.   Know you are not alone in however you deal with food.   Know that the old you, is still there.  She will come out sooner or later, that's why we try to incorporate a mixture of both.  The old you who has always wanted to go on roller coaster rides, will do shortly.  But she cannot be in charge of your eating anymore, she hasn't been able to do it.   She cannot be trusted.   Even now, almost four years out, I cannot be trusted to have certain foods in my house.  I am an addict, my choice of drug is food.  And if it wasn't, the part of me that hurts and needs to be filled with something, would find alcohol, drugs or sex to fill it with.   It's a tangled web, and so filled with emotion.   Feel free anytime to express on here, 'we' understand.   

Bonnie

I just put into words some of the things I have told myself on my "good days."  

{I am an addict, my choice of drug is food. And if it wasn't, the part of me that hurts and needs to be filled with something, would find alcohol, drugs or sex to fill it with}

Thank you SO much for your post!  It helps a lot to know that people understand what I'm feeling and going through.  I am blessed to have the forum to go to on days like this!  I have a long road to walk before me ....but like I posted about a week ago, one step at a time and I can do this!

Again, thank you Bonnie!

Bonnie, thanks for your inspirtational post..  Really needed to read that today. 

Amen!

hey,

Lately i`ve been feeling down too...sux but everyone really needs someone to listen to them..to hear our words...to see our faces...feel our sadness.
I`msorry u=`ve been down,hope things get better for u hun.
I`mcurious why ur surgery is not until summer 2013???

Thank you for your post.  

I am a teacher at a private school in Northern ON therefore I can only get my WLS in the summer time. I still have some more appts with the dietitian & the surgeon.  I just start the road to WLS in March so I could not get it done this summer.  But it's ok....it just gives me more time to work on myself!

I'm just shy of four months post-op and I still have the occasional day where I miss the "old me". Don't get me wrong, I love my RNY and the control it gives me. I just sometimes wish I could sit down to a meal without scrutinizing every morsel I'm chosing.

I no longer take trips to the corner store to buy a treat (or 10!) I skip over the bakery aisle at the grocery store. I went for Chinese food on Friday and wanted to try EVERYTHING but realized I was safer with one relatively healthy choice. I have no issues with adding in activity but the food stuff still affects me. It's been an interesting transition. I'm definitely in mourning over not being able to turn to my old stand-by.

Honestly, I miss the way food made me feel. I miss the tastes of some of my favourites. I miss perusing recipe books looking for the most decadent dessert to make. What I don't miss: feeling out of control, eating until I can't move, permanent fatigue, my size 26's. Yes, food issues do rear their ugly heads every now and again but I'll stick with the alternative: control, health, and feeling "normal".

I had a tough time pre-op. I lost, and gained back, 55 lbs in the 19 months I was waiting for surgery. I hope you can find a way to deal with these issues. Consider talking to someone. It might help.

I am about 2 months out and still at times struggle with the old me. I miss being able to choose to eat whatever I want in whatever quantity I want, especially when I eat out. I realize that my anxiety rears it's ugly head because I do not have my drug of choice -food- to turn to. But I have to say, that so far I am grateful for my RNY because it's restriction helps to put food in it's proper perspective as sustenance.

It is a challenging road but so far it has been worth it!

What an inspiration! Strikes such a chord! Love that even if the posts start with someone soo sad and feeling alone- there is such genuineness here! I have an amazing support network but I Cannot live without this website and forum. I have never felt sooo connected to the core (other than to hubby:). I'm two weeks post op and don't post alot but thats because someone on here has usually read my mind and went ahead and posted my questions, thoughts etc.

Can't say thanks enough!