Why Did You Bother?
On April 7, 2011 at 7:17 AM Pacific Time, MyLady Heidi wrote:
I read about wls failures all the time, people who made it to goal and gained it all back or people who get revised to another surgery because the first one didn't work as expected. It leads me to the question of why did you have wls in the first place, what exactly was the motivation and the expectation and what is your responsiblity in all of this. I can tell you for a fact I carry around a ****load of guilt that I had to resort to surgery to fix my inability to diet and keep myself from becoming diabetic which means I take a serious interest in keeping myself from regaining. I made it to my goal and I keep myself in check or my surgery keeps me in check and I remain where I am because I refuse to fail, I refuse to let anyone say look there goes another one who gained it all back, what a waste of our insurance dollars, they lose the weight and then start eating and drinking and stop trying to take care of themself. Everyone knows that person who had wls and turned into an alchoholic or the one who gained it all back. Do we have a responsiblity to keep ourselves healthy at whatever goal that means because we were given a gift of a second chance? For me the answer is yes, I try to be a rolemodel of wls success because its important to me to keep diabetes as far at bay as possible and I want to be as thin and healthy as is possible for me. Will I ever be a size 2 again, more then likely not, but I am squarely a 6 and here is where I plan to stay. Honestly gaining more weight makes me depressed, its bad enough I have size 4 skirts that are tight, its amazing what 10lbs can do to your size, but I celebrate where I am, yes I said celebrate like actually go out and say yeah me on my recent wls anniversary. Whats to celebrate on my birthday, the day I came into the world to two parents, one of who didn't want me, conceived on a night of drunk passion on new years. Yeah my birthday doesn't mean very much to me at all, but my wls anniversary means the world to me, its the day I decided to be free of the bondage of excess weight. And I say **** you to anyone who tries to take my day away from me, success is a choice, I chose to not fail wls and that does mean some sacrifice. There is no ice cream on earth that tastes as good as a thin healthy body feels. Period.WLS: Total lost 260 lbs - 03/14/11 Duodenal Switch with Dr. Mitchel Roslin
PS: 02/10/14 LBL w/ Anchor cut, Long Thigh Lift, Arm Lift, Breast Lift with Dr. Francisco Sauceda
Dr. Sauceda's Patient Group - Click here to Join
(deactivated member)
on 4/8/11 1:25 am
on 4/8/11 1:25 am
On April 7, 2011 at 7:17 AM Pacific Time, MyLady Heidi wrote:
I read about wls failures all the time, people who made it to goal and gained it all back or people who get revised to another surgery because the first one didn't work as expected. It leads me to the question of why did you have wls in the first place, what exactly was the motivation and the expectation and what is your responsiblity in all of this. I can tell you for a fact I carry around a ****load of guilt that I had to resort to surgery to fix my inability to diet and keep myself from becoming diabetic which means I take a serious interest in keeping myself from regaining. I made it to my goal and I keep myself in check or my surgery keeps me in check and I remain where I am because I refuse to fail, I refuse to let anyone say look there goes another one who gained it all back, what a waste of our insurance dollars, they lose the weight and then start eating and drinking and stop trying to take care of themself. Everyone knows that person who had wls and turned into an alchoholic or the one who gained it all back. Do we have a responsiblity to keep ourselves healthy at whatever goal that means because we were given a gift of a second chance? For me the answer is yes, I try to be a rolemodel of wls success because its important to me to keep diabetes as far at bay as possible and I want to be as thin and healthy as is possible for me. Will I ever be a size 2 again, more then likely not, but I am squarely a 6 and here is where I plan to stay. Honestly gaining more weight makes me depressed, its bad enough I have size 4 skirts that are tight, its amazing what 10lbs can do to your size, but I celebrate where I am, yes I said celebrate like actually go out and say yeah me on my recent wls anniversary. Whats to celebrate on my birthday, the day I came into the world to two parents, one of who didn't want me, conceived on a night of drunk passion on new years. Yeah my birthday doesn't mean very much to me at all, but my wls anniversary means the world to me, its the day I decided to be free of the bondage of excess weight. And I say **** you to anyone who tries to take my day away from me, success is a choice, I chose to not fail wls and that does mean some sacrifice. There is no ice cream on earth that tastes as good as a thin healthy body feels. Period.You seem to be big on personal responsibility. Good for you, so am I.
My question is: When are you going to show some personal responsibility and get some therapy??
Stop worrying about the outside and do something about the inside so you can be a true success in life!
Michele
Heidi,
The FIRST STEP is sometimes the hardest...Here ya go...hope it helps! Find a Therapist in Connecticut - CT - Connecticut Therapist ... http://www.networktherapy.com/directory/therapist_index.asp?state=CT
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
The FIRST STEP is sometimes the hardest...Here ya go...hope it helps! Find a Therapist in Connecticut - CT - Connecticut Therapist ... http://www.networktherapy.com/directory/therapist_index.asp?state=CT
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
 |
 |
|
|
 |
Refine Connecticut Therapist Search • New Therapist Search |
Let Your Heart See What Your Eyes Cannot. * WWW.DSFACTS.COM
* Duodenal Switch Information Zone-> www.duodenalswitch.com/
* Dr. Hess' first DS patient 23 yrs ago->http://www.dshess.com/->Click link left column->First BSD/DS
* DS laparascopic animation->www.youtube.com/watch * DS animation->www.youtube.com/watch
* Vetted DS Surgeons-> http://www.dsfacts.com/North-American-Duodenal-Switch-Surgeo ns.html
* DS Forum->http://www.obesityhelp.com/forums/ds/a,messageboard/board_id,5357/
* Vitamins Source->www.vitalady.com
Be the kind of woman that,when your feet hit the floor in the morning,the devil says,"OH NO, She's Up!"
SW/317CW/160s-170s
Hold on just one tiny second.
I agree with you, IN THEORY. But being from the olden days when the surgeries were more like to break down or cause problems that couldn't be lived with, starting with the premise that all of us are character flawed and all surgeries are equal and all were well done..... that's too many inaccurate generalizations.
You are successful because you have adjusted your attitude to go with a working surgery. You had surgery, not because you were character flawed or stupid or any other adjectives that are used on "those people". Prolly like me, the last diet strated to fail EVEN WHILE YOU WERE ACTIVELY ON IT!
So, first, our illness is not primarily mental illness. It is first a physical disease.
The old JIB nearly killed people because it was assumed that taking away absorption would crate wt loss and proper eating would maintain health. Well, THAT was wrong.
The many versions of staplings (horizontal - 3 models I saw) and then vertical had built in issues. The latter, vomiting was such a problem that most of those had to be revised or reversed. The revision I observed was very scary. She had been vomiting for 11 yrs, couldn't eat anything that was not liquid, so complete regain and a nutritional disaster.
From the early vomiting, her stomach had flipped over itself and had blocked the already too small opening that had been created back in 92 and again in 94.She would've have never stopped vomiting. She was revised to an RNY, stopped vomiting and immediately returned to her low wt of around 130 and stayed there.
In my era, not all rny were transected, so many of us had staple line disruptions and none were due to overeating! Mine disrupted at 5 yrs. My husband, who's never been all that tightly portion controlled is entering year 16 and still has an antiquated non-transected rny.
Some people have had poorly done surgeries of whatever type or were lied to about the surgery they had. When I watch someone counting every calorie, fat and sugar gram and exercising faithfully and then regain? When I brought them here for revision, the doc was able to sketch out what went wrong.
And yes, there are people for whom any rule must be violated, the majority do work hard to get and maintain their wt loss. And the ones I feel the worst for are the ones who have clung diligently to a bad program, what I call a "bad launch". If only they'd had good instructions, with their work, they would've been successful.
So, I certainly hear that we could not have had WLS in the 90's because they ALL gained their wt back or died, it does infuriate me, since that's not true at all. I was in the hospital yesterday all day for a minor but annoying surgery, and had to explain over and over which surgery I had and why it works. What I had fixed is not related to WLS, more to being female, actually.
But don't let us ever assume that anyone who fails to lose 100% or maintain more than the national average of 50% is in some way flawed. At least at first glance. I always ask, "Which surgery, which doc, what do you know about your surgery?" Those answers tell me a lot about that person's launch and whether they ever even stood a chance at a really good result.
With my surgery, it's much harder to out eat, but some do manage, and they are of the "if there's a rule, i have to break it" mold. Even then, it's not failed will power so much as misdirected will power.
As I said, I totally agree with your determination to succeed and monitor your own personal demons so well. Just don't assume someone who has substantial regain is not as dedicated as those of us who have better % results. It's more likely to be a bad launch, a bad surgery or a broken surgery.
I think this prolly sounds like I'm really angry and waving my finger in your face, and I'm not. It's not personal to you. It's more the others who will read and assume that dedication is all that it takes. Those we deem failures may not have actually failed their surgery, so much as their surgery failed them.
It does kinda push my buttons when people assume that morbid obesity is a character flaw when even the NIH stated back in 1991 that diets and exercise only work for less than 3% of those who try them. Less than 3%. That makes it incurable.
A good surgery + a good launch + your determination will usually bring a high success rate, true. But it takes all of those to do it. And the best we can do is put our disease into remission. It is never cured.
Congrats on your surgery birthday, your good luck in having a good surgery and either a good launch or the ability to correct a bad launch and get on the same wave length with your body.
You are intelligent and able to express yourself clearly, so not allowed to berate yourself for "failing" at a "cure" that statistically does not work for anyone (diet and exercise alone). Stand up straighter and appreciate yourself for being able to stand tall and work with what you've got. Bravo
I agree with you, IN THEORY. But being from the olden days when the surgeries were more like to break down or cause problems that couldn't be lived with, starting with the premise that all of us are character flawed and all surgeries are equal and all were well done..... that's too many inaccurate generalizations.
You are successful because you have adjusted your attitude to go with a working surgery. You had surgery, not because you were character flawed or stupid or any other adjectives that are used on "those people". Prolly like me, the last diet strated to fail EVEN WHILE YOU WERE ACTIVELY ON IT!
So, first, our illness is not primarily mental illness. It is first a physical disease.
The old JIB nearly killed people because it was assumed that taking away absorption would crate wt loss and proper eating would maintain health. Well, THAT was wrong.
The many versions of staplings (horizontal - 3 models I saw) and then vertical had built in issues. The latter, vomiting was such a problem that most of those had to be revised or reversed. The revision I observed was very scary. She had been vomiting for 11 yrs, couldn't eat anything that was not liquid, so complete regain and a nutritional disaster.
From the early vomiting, her stomach had flipped over itself and had blocked the already too small opening that had been created back in 92 and again in 94.She would've have never stopped vomiting. She was revised to an RNY, stopped vomiting and immediately returned to her low wt of around 130 and stayed there.
In my era, not all rny were transected, so many of us had staple line disruptions and none were due to overeating! Mine disrupted at 5 yrs. My husband, who's never been all that tightly portion controlled is entering year 16 and still has an antiquated non-transected rny.
Some people have had poorly done surgeries of whatever type or were lied to about the surgery they had. When I watch someone counting every calorie, fat and sugar gram and exercising faithfully and then regain? When I brought them here for revision, the doc was able to sketch out what went wrong.
And yes, there are people for whom any rule must be violated, the majority do work hard to get and maintain their wt loss. And the ones I feel the worst for are the ones who have clung diligently to a bad program, what I call a "bad launch". If only they'd had good instructions, with their work, they would've been successful.
So, I certainly hear that we could not have had WLS in the 90's because they ALL gained their wt back or died, it does infuriate me, since that's not true at all. I was in the hospital yesterday all day for a minor but annoying surgery, and had to explain over and over which surgery I had and why it works. What I had fixed is not related to WLS, more to being female, actually.
But don't let us ever assume that anyone who fails to lose 100% or maintain more than the national average of 50% is in some way flawed. At least at first glance. I always ask, "Which surgery, which doc, what do you know about your surgery?" Those answers tell me a lot about that person's launch and whether they ever even stood a chance at a really good result.
With my surgery, it's much harder to out eat, but some do manage, and they are of the "if there's a rule, i have to break it" mold. Even then, it's not failed will power so much as misdirected will power.
As I said, I totally agree with your determination to succeed and monitor your own personal demons so well. Just don't assume someone who has substantial regain is not as dedicated as those of us who have better % results. It's more likely to be a bad launch, a bad surgery or a broken surgery.
I think this prolly sounds like I'm really angry and waving my finger in your face, and I'm not. It's not personal to you. It's more the others who will read and assume that dedication is all that it takes. Those we deem failures may not have actually failed their surgery, so much as their surgery failed them.
It does kinda push my buttons when people assume that morbid obesity is a character flaw when even the NIH stated back in 1991 that diets and exercise only work for less than 3% of those who try them. Less than 3%. That makes it incurable.
A good surgery + a good launch + your determination will usually bring a high success rate, true. But it takes all of those to do it. And the best we can do is put our disease into remission. It is never cured.
Congrats on your surgery birthday, your good luck in having a good surgery and either a good launch or the ability to correct a bad launch and get on the same wave length with your body.
You are intelligent and able to express yourself clearly, so not allowed to berate yourself for "failing" at a "cure" that statistically does not work for anyone (diet and exercise alone). Stand up straighter and appreciate yourself for being able to stand tall and work with what you've got. Bravo
Michelle
RNY, distal, 10/5/94
P.S. My year + long absence has NOTHING to do with my WLS, or my type of WLS. See my profile.
Heidi as someone who also has LADY in her user name, I resent that you abuse yours. Please rename yourself, cause you, Ms. Heidi, are no LADY. A lady would not say the things you did.
Liz aka SOUTHERNLADY5464
Liz aka SOUTHERNLADY5464
Duodenal Switch (Lap) 01-24-11 | Surgeon: Stephen Boyce | High weight: 250 in 2002 | Surgery weight: 203 | Lowest weight: 121 | Current weight: 135 | Goal weight: 135
I am approaching my 1st surgiversary...and I will definitely be celebrating it...it is a second chance at life that I would not have had any other way....I have been living with a more than usual amount of stress for several months and have used it as an excuse to lose control..I have lost enough to make shopping fun and life easier....but not enough to go back to swimming in an ocean of carbs and processed foods....I chose the procedure I had because I wanted to develop control....Diabetes had an X across my face and I knew my time was limited if I did not gain control....being able to cheat it was not my intention....beating it fair and square was...I don't know what else may come my way...so developing the ability to better control my self was appealing to me...I can't waste this chance because I am not going to get a third one!!!!
I hear the words of Heidi as a battle cry to not give in...to be strong when its hard...AND I NEEDED to hear it...so if this message was not one that resonated with you...know that it was FOR ME that she said it....even if she did not know I needed it...it was for ME...and I thank her
For those of you newer to the boards....I have been gone for a while but never know Heidi to be bitter, angry (with out reason), or mean spirited.
BIG HUGS and THANK YOU FOR STILL BEING HERE, LADY!!!!!
I hear the words of Heidi as a battle cry to not give in...to be strong when its hard...AND I NEEDED to hear it...so if this message was not one that resonated with you...know that it was FOR ME that she said it....even if she did not know I needed it...it was for ME...and I thank her
For those of you newer to the boards....I have been gone for a while but never know Heidi to be bitter, angry (with out reason), or mean spirited.
BIG HUGS and THANK YOU FOR STILL BEING HERE, LADY!!!!!
Big Frog Kisses,
DAWN
DAWN
I am so with you about taking responsibility for one's self and one's health and well being, whi*****ludes managing oneself after WLS for the long term.
It takes accountability, no matter what kind of surgery a person has. I don't think enough is said about that pre-op. I have been working with my surgeon about providing honest education regarding life afterwards, that WLS requires a total lifestlyle change in order to be successful for both health and weight over time.
I love being at goal and looking good for my age- I love the self confidence and ease I have now. It is worth whatever work I need to do plus some. And I bless my WLS for enabling me to get the weight off in the first place. I intend to pay it forward- I will talk and walk the walk.
Thanks, Heidi, for being such in inspiration for me. And I also agree with some other posters that guilt isn't useful motivation. But hang in there with your point of view about personal responsibility. You have the results to prove it.
It takes accountability, no matter what kind of surgery a person has. I don't think enough is said about that pre-op. I have been working with my surgeon about providing honest education regarding life afterwards, that WLS requires a total lifestlyle change in order to be successful for both health and weight over time.
I love being at goal and looking good for my age- I love the self confidence and ease I have now. It is worth whatever work I need to do plus some. And I bless my WLS for enabling me to get the weight off in the first place. I intend to pay it forward- I will talk and walk the walk.
Thanks, Heidi, for being such in inspiration for me. And I also agree with some other posters that guilt isn't useful motivation. But hang in there with your point of view about personal responsibility. You have the results to prove it.
"What the caterpillar calls the end of the world, the master calls the butterfly." Richard Bach
"Support fosters your growth. If you are getting enough of the right support, you will experience a major transformation in yourself. You will discover a sense of empowerment and peace you have never before experienced. You will come to believe you can overcome your challenges and find some joy in this world." Katie Jay
My answer is VERY easy and NEVER wavered....Simply, I had the surgery for my HEALTH and nothing else...
What can I say? I think many of us who are obese can write the same story of HOW we got this way. But it's enough to know I am an active, fun, wife and mom of an autistic adult child who was going to have this sugery (RNY) before.
In fact I had everything lined up to have this done in 1998 when during my Preop blood and labwork they found out I had an uncontrolled autoimmuine disease called "dermatomyositis". The next years were a whirlwind of steroids, autoimmune supressors, chemo, you name it. Needless to say, all those meds (especially the steroids) added on a ton of more weight, and being ill made me stop doing a bunch of stuff I used to LOVE...Things like riding motorcycles, fishing, doing rescue work with Rottweilers and a host of everything else.
Throughout all this my wonderful husband of 25 years has been at my side and most importantly been my best friend. The great cosmic universe saw fit that many conditions have come together to allow me to have this surgery. My Myositis is stable and in remission, my husbands insurance covers the surgery, we found a bariatric center of excellence, etc.
it isn't an easy path, nothing desirable ever is. As a survivor of ovarian cancer, myositis and a military wife of nearly 29 years it is finally time for this caterpillar to go into its cocoon and emerge as a more HEALTHY creature on teh other side....
I already know I am beautiful, as do those who are my close friends. Its just time for me to get HEALTHY and shine onto the world! So why I amd I getting the surgery? Easy...To LIVE and be ALIVE! To do the things I once did.
I have NO "ideal" scale number or size. Hell, if I only lost 3 lbs but was HEALTHY and pain free, I'd be happy!
It's now nearly 2 years post op, I had some minor complications and have not regretted a single thing, for you see............I am HEALTHY! My autoimmuune disease is in remission/stable, I can live, play, go back to dog rescue ride motorcycles you name it.
I never had any mental guilt over anything, never had "head issues" over food or hunger. What is to be guilty about? Wach day of HEALTH is a true gift of GOLD baby!
Warmly,
J~
What can I say? I think many of us who are obese can write the same story of HOW we got this way. But it's enough to know I am an active, fun, wife and mom of an autistic adult child who was going to have this sugery (RNY) before.
In fact I had everything lined up to have this done in 1998 when during my Preop blood and labwork they found out I had an uncontrolled autoimmuine disease called "dermatomyositis". The next years were a whirlwind of steroids, autoimmune supressors, chemo, you name it. Needless to say, all those meds (especially the steroids) added on a ton of more weight, and being ill made me stop doing a bunch of stuff I used to LOVE...Things like riding motorcycles, fishing, doing rescue work with Rottweilers and a host of everything else.
Throughout all this my wonderful husband of 25 years has been at my side and most importantly been my best friend. The great cosmic universe saw fit that many conditions have come together to allow me to have this surgery. My Myositis is stable and in remission, my husbands insurance covers the surgery, we found a bariatric center of excellence, etc.
it isn't an easy path, nothing desirable ever is. As a survivor of ovarian cancer, myositis and a military wife of nearly 29 years it is finally time for this caterpillar to go into its cocoon and emerge as a more HEALTHY creature on teh other side....
I already know I am beautiful, as do those who are my close friends. Its just time for me to get HEALTHY and shine onto the world! So why I amd I getting the surgery? Easy...To LIVE and be ALIVE! To do the things I once did.
I have NO "ideal" scale number or size. Hell, if I only lost 3 lbs but was HEALTHY and pain free, I'd be happy!
It's now nearly 2 years post op, I had some minor complications and have not regretted a single thing, for you see............I am HEALTHY! My autoimmuune disease is in remission/stable, I can live, play, go back to dog rescue ride motorcycles you name it.
I never had any mental guilt over anything, never had "head issues" over food or hunger. What is to be guilty about? Wach day of HEALTH is a true gift of GOLD baby!
Warmly,
J~
Most Active
Recent Topics
I have a friend in Arizona who has really been struggling with her vitamins
smileyjamie72 · 1 replies · 2281 views
smileyjamie72 · 1 replies · 2281 views