Feeling a little down today

Today I weigh 125 lbs....need to lose another 5-10 to get back where I belong.  I was unable to workout or walk over the weekend (well did take one 3 mile walk) because of severe pain in my left foot (gout plus bunion).  Calling foot doctor today but I know he will recommend surgery and right now that is impossible.

Bill is recovering very slowly from his chemo/radiation for rectal cancer and was too weak and in pain to do anything but sit or lie on couch the whole weekend.  I did manage to clean half of the kitchen but then foot pain intervened.  Now we wait for surgery for Bill to be scheduled which is why I can't consider foot surgery for myself....have to take care of him. 

I got horribly sick last night from dinner...meatloaf which was way too dry (Bill's hates "moist" meat), fried potatoes (which I should not eat but what Bill wanted), and pork and beans.  I was hoping the saucy beans would help me eat the meal but I only got about half in and then the pain in my gut started.  I ended up with promethezane which takes away the pain but knocks me out...in bed at 8:00.   Pain from foot woke me up at 3 a.m. and the it was Loritab so I am hung over this morning.

So tired of getting sick from eating evening meals.  I think I should just eat yogurt and soup all of the time but I get very tired of that.  April 17th is five year anniversary.   I am grateful to have lost 150 lbs from highest weight to lowest but chronic fatigue is getting to me.  Labs all look great...I am not malnourished---thanks to vitamins and supplements I guess. 

And before you all suggest protein powder...I have tried them all and they ALL give me stomach cramps, bloating, gas even when mixed with plain water.  Protein bars I can tolerate and eat one a day because they are too expensive to do more than that even when I buy expired ones on ebay. 

I do manage to get in about 1200-1400 calories a day....mostly because I eat the one protein bar, one pack of peanut butter crackers, a whole can of soup, yogurt and snack on frozen fruit bars.   Coffee keeps me from passing out on my desk. 

I just needed to vent a litle today because I am so tired, in so much pain with my foot, and afraid to eat because I don't want to get sick.   I AM GRATEFUL FOR GASTRIC BYPASS.  I AM GRATEFUL MY HUSBAND DECIDED TO SEEK TREATMENT FOR HIS CANCER.  I AM GRATEFUL FOR THE BLESSING I HAVE RECEIVED.  I just need to cry a little bit when I feel this low.

*hug*

Stay strong.

Thanks Chewbaca!  Love the funny photo!

I buy my protien bars at Wal-Mart, Zone Perfect, and then are about 4.32 a box for 5 sometimes they do promo's with 6.  They usually have a coupon also to save a dollar on two boxes.  All in all they are pretty cheap, less then a dollar for 15 grams of protein, I can't even buy greek yogurt for that price.  I eat three a day to get my protein numbers in.  It really doesn't seem like you could be reaching your protein requirements given what you eat.  I don't do the drinks either, I can't drink my food, that makes me think I am an invalid, I have to chew my food.  It sounds like your life is super stressful with your husbands cancer and trying to help him, I would pick up the protein bars for something easy to eat and then you don't have to think about what to eat if he wants something you can't really tolerate.

Good Luck.

Thanks Heidi for the suggestion but I really cannot spend that much on protein bars.  If I go on ebay and win an auction, I can usually get them for 60 cents and the Balance bars have 14-15 grams of protein....that price includes the shipping.  It is my rock-bottom price....auction plus shipping cannot equal more than 60 cents per bar.  I buy in lots of 72-96 bars at a time which then lasts me 2-3 months.  Yes, I get tired of same flavors, but the goal is the protein, not necessarily the taste or enjoyment of the bar.

As for greek yogurt...also too pricey.  Kroger Carbmaster is 40 cents for six ounces and has 8 grams of protein.  You should give it a try....lots of good flavors.  My husband lost his full-time job three years ago.  He was working ten hours a week as a crossing guard but because of the cancer had to give that up as well.  So on just my salary, our grocery budget has to be very lean. 

I can usually get 40-60 grams of protein in but more than that is a struggle.  Good luck on your own journey and thank you for the support.  I really do appreciate all of my OH friends on the internet!

Wow. You have a lot on your plate right now. I mean that metaphorically. I don't have much advice to give, other than hang in there. It will get easier.

Thanks Allie!   Wow you have such a beautiful smile!  I am sure you get told that all of the time but just seeing it gave me a lift this morning!

That is quite a bit to deal with. I'll be praying for your endurance and strength through all of this. Coffee is my friend, too as I have to deal with the effects of insomnia when my meds aren't working.

Isn't there anyone that can help you out - your foot sounds like it needs immediate attention.

Again I'll be praying for you.

((( Hugs ))))

Thanks for the reply.

No, my husband and I moved here from Ohio (we are in Nevada), 15 years ago.  Kids and grandkids are all still in Ohio.  No one to help out and I never realized the full impact of that until Bill got sick.

He is just so miserable that he snaps at me over every little thing.  Last night I didn't want to go home from work because he had hung up on me when I called him.....then I realized I had no where else to go.  My friends all have families of their own to take care of (most are much younger than I am) and besides I don't want to sit in someone else's home crying over my problems....I have been on the receiving end of that and know it made me feel helpless and uncomfortable.   After all, there is really nothing anyone can do: Bill has cancer...period.  He either will or will not live through this...period.  In the meantime, we struggle to survive the emotional, physical, and spiritual roller coaster.

As for my foot....yeah, it needs attention but like I said...I can't be off of my feet until Bill is back on his!  Thank you for your advice and prayers!  God knows I need them right now!