ME!
So I am a few years out for rny and my life fell apart...twice...and I started drinking...heavily like 3 bottles of wine a night. And I am bipolar and extremely depressed, and was on a ton of meds top that off with my low selfesteem and anxiety and I am a HOT MESS. SO on top of all that this fat girl fell and hurt her ankle. SO I took the time I had off work and STOPPED drinking completely (2weeks sober) and stopped taking all of my meds and made an appt for a new shrink that can hopefully help me with a more precise set of meds that don't make me a zombie all day and I am starting counseling. So I started yesterday 10 minutes in the morning and 10 minutes at night on my treadmill and watching what I eat very carefully.....BUT I AM STILL MISERABLE!!!! Any ideas on self help books about accepting yourself and the situation you are in or how to like yourself....because right now I HATE ME!!!
Stuff like what you're going through is best done with the help of professionals, so I'm glad to hear that you've reached out. I urge you NOT to try and fix yourself. Your condition is treatable, but you need the right kind of treatment, and you need to stick to it. Put your trust in your shrink and let them help you get well. Be an open communicator to them and let them know if you're not liking the course of treatment, for there are other options to try. You're gonna be okay.
Valerie
DS 2005
There is room on this earth for all of God's creatures..
next to the mashed potatoes
My divorce through me for a loop and then my rebound boyfriend did a number on me....and I am just a mess...and I have a teenage daughter that I have to be strong for. I just want to get this weight off again...I have gained back all that I lost from my surgery and I am sure that the dessert wine I was drinking gallons of is what caused it. I just hope I can get out of this funk and get back down to a good healthy weight. I would like a book with some insight so if anyone has suggestions I would appreciate it.
I'm glad you're getting help. Good job on the booze. Stay away from men too for now. Work on you. The mental part of al of this has always been the hardest. I hope you find peace, especially for your daughter's sake.
Laura in Texas
53 years old; 5'7" tall; HW: 339 (BMI=53); GW: 140 CW: 170 (BMI=27)
RNY: 09-17-08 Dr. Garth Davis
brachioplasty: 12-18-09 Dr. Wainwright; lbl/bl: 06-28-11 Dr. LoMonaco
"May your choices reflect your hopes and not your fears."
Excellent that you are 2 weeks sober!! But I have to say, judging from all the stuff that has been in your poor little body and then to stop taking all of it-NO WONDER YOU FEEL LIKE CRAP! Ack!
As I understand it, the two week mark is a big turning point and your body is going to kick off and complain.
So-you would like some inspirational books. What kind of stuff do you like/believe in? I can recommend all sorts, but it would be good to know what you are drawn to and what you DO NOT believe in or want to read.
Give me some ideas of what makes you feel hopeful.
Peace,
T
As I understand it, the two week mark is a big turning point and your body is going to kick off and complain.
So-you would like some inspirational books. What kind of stuff do you like/believe in? I can recommend all sorts, but it would be good to know what you are drawn to and what you DO NOT believe in or want to read.
Give me some ideas of what makes you feel hopeful.
Peace,
T
Well, that's the hard part. I probably don't have to tell you this, because I bet you KNOW it's true..but that "I hate me so much" was probably there long before you had your weight loss surgery.
I mean, who does all the things we have done to ourselves (excess food, excess whatevers!) and TOTALLY loves and adores themselves? Yeah, I have yet to meet anyone like that.
Treating ourselves like garbage is not out of self-love. So, it's a road of discovery to get to where we can start to STOP hating ourselves.
Every time I look up at your response and see the "Hate ME SO MUCH"-I just keep saying "Yep, well..yeah! Of course you do!"
I felt that same way and I am currently on the road to seeing what OTHER ways I can see myself.
You know who I totally love to read and listen to? (She had audio books too), is Iyanla Vanzant. Love her! Why? She will tell it to you straight and be honest about herself too. I don't know, but she gives me a lot of hope and I turn to her books when I am feeling like you do now.
Watch THIS >>>>
from her book "Peace from Broken Pieces"
www.youtube.com/watch
Here is her You Tube page:
www.youtube.com/user/IyanlaVanzant/videos
I mean, who does all the things we have done to ourselves (excess food, excess whatevers!) and TOTALLY loves and adores themselves? Yeah, I have yet to meet anyone like that.
Treating ourselves like garbage is not out of self-love. So, it's a road of discovery to get to where we can start to STOP hating ourselves.
Every time I look up at your response and see the "Hate ME SO MUCH"-I just keep saying "Yep, well..yeah! Of course you do!"
I felt that same way and I am currently on the road to seeing what OTHER ways I can see myself.
You know who I totally love to read and listen to? (She had audio books too), is Iyanla Vanzant. Love her! Why? She will tell it to you straight and be honest about herself too. I don't know, but she gives me a lot of hope and I turn to her books when I am feeling like you do now.
Watch THIS >>>>
from her book "Peace from Broken Pieces"
www.youtube.com/watch
Here is her You Tube page:
www.youtube.com/user/IyanlaVanzant/videos
Barbie, I'm re-posting this from the RNY board because I thought it might help inspire you today.
Cleopatra Nik wrote:
"I honestly believe that each of us is made the way we are - mentally, emotionally, etc. - for a reason.
Personally, I'm highly analytical. I obsess over the details of life and emotions. I pick apart things and put them back together just to see them from a different angle. Hence, my illustrious career as the board preacher :)
One benefit of this way of thinking, though, is that I have reached some pretty significant emotional milestones as of late. They can be summed up in one simple statement.
I like me just the way I am.
This is HUGE for me. Huge. I didn't used to like me. Before surgery I sort of despised me. I didn't necessarily dislike my body but I just felt like I wasn't about anything. That I was on a conveyor belt going through life but that I was MISSING it. Every day I went around looking for this "it" and wondering if I'd die unhappy and dissatisfied.
And when I had this surgery at first I worried myself to DEATH. Lora and a few others can attest to that fact. I was always fretting: over calories, exercise, benchmarks, comparing myself to others, the damn scale.
As the years from surgery have gone by, though, I think I have begun to live in this body of mine. I am the size that I am - WAY smaller than I started out, bigger than maybe I envisioned. But I am ok with me. The only time I am not ok with me is when I let the addict part of me start running the show. It's an every day, every minute battle to keep the upper hand from that monster, but I am willing to fight it every day to feel the way I do right this moment.
I like me just the way I am.
Truth be told, (and I say this a lot so prepare to eye roll) I am marvelous! Look at what my body has done. I am so very, very, very healthy. I was reading a book about a cleanse that described how a healthy human body should function and guess what? I fit ALL the criteria.
But more than the physical, as of late I've had a kind of mental peace. Yes, I just had a big loss but you know what? I am working through that. I ask for hugs when I need them, I cry when I need to, I go for LONG walks and think through what's going on in my mind. The very LAST thing I have been thinking about amidst the change and pain is doing anything harmful to myself (and I consider bingeing just as harmful as alcohol, drugs, cutting, etc.).
And just today I looked in the mirror and I smiled at myself. Truly smiled at myself because, by some miracle I can now SEE the progress. Yes, I still have plenty of skin but good grief! Where did all that body go? Where did all that self-hatred go? Where did all that toxic energy go? I have no idea. It mystifies me. But it's simply not there anymore.
I like me just the way I am.
Even if I never have plastics, never lose another pound, I am very grateful for this mental state. It's something far beyond what I could have thought to hope for at the outset of this process. And it means more to me than the number on the scale. Interestingly, though, in practicing this new sense of self value, self love, I do exactly the things that are likely to KEEP me at this weight (or maybe even lower...who knows?) for the rest of my life. Isn't that amazing?
So anyway, I just thought I'd share that. Because as you go along this journey you can wonder if there really is a reward, a pot of gold at the end of the rainbow. My walk is far from over. There are lots of adventures to have. But to have gained this one thing actually means everything to me."
Cleopatra Nik wrote:
"I honestly believe that each of us is made the way we are - mentally, emotionally, etc. - for a reason.
Personally, I'm highly analytical. I obsess over the details of life and emotions. I pick apart things and put them back together just to see them from a different angle. Hence, my illustrious career as the board preacher :)
One benefit of this way of thinking, though, is that I have reached some pretty significant emotional milestones as of late. They can be summed up in one simple statement.
I like me just the way I am.
This is HUGE for me. Huge. I didn't used to like me. Before surgery I sort of despised me. I didn't necessarily dislike my body but I just felt like I wasn't about anything. That I was on a conveyor belt going through life but that I was MISSING it. Every day I went around looking for this "it" and wondering if I'd die unhappy and dissatisfied.
And when I had this surgery at first I worried myself to DEATH. Lora and a few others can attest to that fact. I was always fretting: over calories, exercise, benchmarks, comparing myself to others, the damn scale.
As the years from surgery have gone by, though, I think I have begun to live in this body of mine. I am the size that I am - WAY smaller than I started out, bigger than maybe I envisioned. But I am ok with me. The only time I am not ok with me is when I let the addict part of me start running the show. It's an every day, every minute battle to keep the upper hand from that monster, but I am willing to fight it every day to feel the way I do right this moment.
I like me just the way I am.
Truth be told, (and I say this a lot so prepare to eye roll) I am marvelous! Look at what my body has done. I am so very, very, very healthy. I was reading a book about a cleanse that described how a healthy human body should function and guess what? I fit ALL the criteria.
But more than the physical, as of late I've had a kind of mental peace. Yes, I just had a big loss but you know what? I am working through that. I ask for hugs when I need them, I cry when I need to, I go for LONG walks and think through what's going on in my mind. The very LAST thing I have been thinking about amidst the change and pain is doing anything harmful to myself (and I consider bingeing just as harmful as alcohol, drugs, cutting, etc.).
And just today I looked in the mirror and I smiled at myself. Truly smiled at myself because, by some miracle I can now SEE the progress. Yes, I still have plenty of skin but good grief! Where did all that body go? Where did all that self-hatred go? Where did all that toxic energy go? I have no idea. It mystifies me. But it's simply not there anymore.
I like me just the way I am.
Even if I never have plastics, never lose another pound, I am very grateful for this mental state. It's something far beyond what I could have thought to hope for at the outset of this process. And it means more to me than the number on the scale. Interestingly, though, in practicing this new sense of self value, self love, I do exactly the things that are likely to KEEP me at this weight (or maybe even lower...who knows?) for the rest of my life. Isn't that amazing?
So anyway, I just thought I'd share that. Because as you go along this journey you can wonder if there really is a reward, a pot of gold at the end of the rainbow. My walk is far from over. There are lots of adventures to have. But to have gained this one thing actually means everything to me."
Debbie
Keeping track of my progress without a scale...Starting size: 28-Current size: 6-Goal size: 14
SAND...it's not a club...it's a frame of mind...
Hey Barbie, congratulations on being sober for two weeks. That is a huge milestone. I agree with another poster who suggested staying away from men right now. You need to focus on you and making you happy. Don't count on someone else for that. You are a very pretty lady. Think positive thought and give yourself positive feedback.
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