Xpost:Blog

I am trying so hard not to let myself get down but I am so miserable with me. I am huge and not getting any younger. I so badly need to get this weight off...I would do just about anything to accompli**** I have raised my protein and water intake and am tracking my calories. I refuse to go over 1200 a day because that seems reasonable. I quit counseling because I couldn't afford it anymore due us moving out on our own. I also quit personal training because I really dreaded going and it was really expensive! I was suppose to have a date with a guy I met but chickened out because of my size. I am sure he would not have been ok with my gigantic body. And I know that self talk is important and mine is down right abusive but it is what I see in the mirror. I just wonder if I will ever be happy with myself and where I am at again?

I have read that the best way to get happy is to remind yourself of all the things you are thankful for. Here it goes! I am thankful for my awesome daughter, for the house we are moving into on our own, for my health, for my granny that let us stay with her so I could get back on my feet, for OH for always being here. I am thankful for my job and for the money it brings in and the friends I have made there. I am even finally thankful for the long road that has gotten me to where I am now. I still have a long, long way to go but I have made it this far and hit bottom so now I am building me back up. I am a work in progress and there is no destination just the journey and I need to learn to enjoy where I am at when I am there not continue looking back to see what I missed!

I am thankful for people like you, who are willing to share their journeys - good and bad - so that the rest of us can feel supported and not so alone. Happy Mother's Day!

Thank you! The only reason I post is to give a accurate account of how my surgery worked, why I gained, how I am losing and what I have learned through my personal struggle with weight and body image. I appreciate your comment because sometimes it is uncomfortable to post and I think people are reading saying...."why is she telling us this, what's the point"! Glad someone gets it! Have a great day!