A new appreciation for skinny women

I may be 'skinny' now but thank goodness I have been married for39 years because without clothes I look like a melted candle. Not so sure women like your new appreciation though :-)

Thanks, HFFM. I appreciate skinny women, too. And I'm a skinny woman now, so thanks. BTW, I think "skinny" is in the eye of the beholder. Just like "fat" is. And "beautiful" and "pain in the ass." ;)

Anyway ... you asked if others had had similar "appreciation" changes. Interesting question.

After going through WLS (as most of us have) and after watching my own body change so much and in addition to doing the constant compare/contrast thing (Am I bigger than her? Smaller than her? More shapely than her? Saggier than her? body dysmorphia ad infinitum drill), I have looked at men somewhat in this light as well. FTR, I'm straight and very happily married.

And probably because I've worked on my body with exercise and activity, I now notice more than I used to how fit people are or aren't -- obviously in the context of their age, height, body type, etc.

My first husband was a 5'8" bodybuilder. My second husband (of 21 years) was 6'4" and 235 pounds when we met and a hunk. (Thanks to gravity and some health challenges that are not of his creation, he's now shorter and slimmer.)

All this is to say that in a purely theoretical future if I became a dating person again I'd still be more interested in someone who was healthy / active / fit. I am pretty certain I wouldn't be interested in anyone who was obese as a life partner or sexual partner.

I have no idea what any of this means, except to say that our sexual attraction to the physical attributes of those we consider as sexual or life partners may not be very much within our cognitive ability to control. Perhaps the gonads really want what the gonads want.

I will say that lots of other things change, so it doesn't surprise me. However 'large' is in the eye of the beholder. I had a guy tell me once I'd be a knockout if I could just lose 10 lbs. I weighed 119 at the time. A few years later I weighed 131 and I had someone ask me out and said he'd never dated a 'big girl' before. I'm 5'5 so both of those are well within the normal range. I laugh at that comment now but it really stung at the time because he really meant it.

I'm not finding a change in my "type", but i'm probably too early in the process. What I do notice is that I'm starting to get judgemental when my overweight friends make poor food choices. Like a friend of mine that had WLS several years ago is drinking full calorie soda and it's bugging me. I'm not saying anything of course, but I'm shocked at the change in my thinking!

I have a huge appreciation when I see heavier set people working out or jogging etc. It takes a lot to get out there and not care what others think. I've been going to the gym for years and while it helped with my medical issues, I was not losing weight till the surgery. A few months ago I told a newer guy at the gym that he had lost a noticeable amount of weight and told him good job and kept on walking. The expression on that guys face was priceless. I see him there just about every day and I don't think anyone ever told him he was doing well. I hope it motivated him to keep it up.

My new favorite commercial is for feminine pads. The commercial highlights a fairly heavy set black lady 30's with short hair and a 2 piece yoga outfit. She narrates through the commercial about having confidence in you and doing what you love. I love her message and have seen this same lady in print adds for yoga as well. I just have to laugh that its a commercial about doing yoga in a maxi pad. Now THAT is confidence!