Just found this forum.. can I whine for a second?

Hi there!

I just found this forum and wanted to introduce myself.  I am pretty new to OH and have not yet had my surgery. I have been on the VSG forum for a couple of weeks now and it's been really helpful.  I have been approved for surgery by my insurance but I still have a few things to do before I can set my surgery date. Hopefully, it will be in December or early January.  I am in kind of a bad mood today because I feel horrible about myself and I have to go see all my husband's family this week.  I feel so insecure about my size and I almost wish I could get really sick so I don't have to go. I am trying to tell myself to imagine how different it will be this time next year but that's little consolation at this point. I was traveling this weekend and I got home last night and looked down at my feet and had MASSIVE CANKLES... I guess from the driving and not drinking enough water.  That has never happened to me before and it's just another one of those lovely side effects from being so big that have been creeping up on me in the past year. I feel so swollen and huge right now, not in the best mood to go be around family.

Sorry to introduce myself with a really down post but I think I just need to vent and cry a little and then suck it up and stop being such a brat. Thanks for reading.  I hope everyone has a lovely Monday and a great week! :-)

All I can say is be gentle with yourself.  I'm assuming it's people's judgment of you, you're afraid of?  I have always believed that if people judged me for anything more than what's inside....well they weren't worth being my friends anyway.  It seems like to me you have already beat yourself down more then anyone could.  It's time to start taking care of yourself....start caring for you...you are on the right track.  Don't feed to much in to other people and if they judge you for the outside...well...F...them!  Think about the journey you have started and making right choices now.  You'll get there.  Think positive even if it's hard. 

Thank you, happiegirl.  You are right, I know I beat myself up way more than other people ever could.

Whine away. It's very difficult to be obese and start this process. It makes u**** some low points as we reflect on how and why we are at this point. 

The good news is there is always hope for a better future. You are on the right track. Don't hide from the world and reinforce those stereotypes that that is what we should do - go out, hold your head high with hope and faith. 

And don't judge life by cankles - I've got to the worst case of swelling known to man hahah (not to mention my wrists/hands)

The girls in previous post above mine said what I wanted to say, I wanted to simply give you an e-hug..lol..hold on to your hat because it's an amazing experience to go through, life changing!

Happy for you!

And whine away anytime you want, we are always hear to listen!

Happy Tuesday,

Nathalie

Hi Kitty,

Welcome to one of the best sites on OH. These folks here are so accepting and helpful. We are all in the same boat, only at different ports. I am 7 months out, but I recall being pre-op and feeling hopeless.

I feel your pain. I will be at my husbands family also tomorrow. They are wonderful people, just not my people. I think that sounds awful, but it's how I feel. I'd give anything to have my daughter and mom at my house while I cook, like the old days, but those days are never coming back.

Don't feel like you cannot be yourself here. We all have had a bad moment and posted it here. This is a safe place. So if you need to vent, go right ahead.

Hugs,

Sharon

I get what you mean about them not being your people.  I feel the same way.  They are great but I can't relax and be my normal self around them like I can my family.  No matter what they think about me, I can see what I look like and I know its not normal. Even though I dont think any of them judge me, i'm still embarrassed about my appearance. No way to get around that.

Also, I LOVE your big kitty picture!! Is that your kitty? I have a 17 pound cat but yours is much bigger, i think.  SO cute!

Thank you all for your kind words and support.  It really means a lot.  I am the only obese person in pretty much ALL of my family so finding this site has been a true godsend! My mom used to be a little chubby but is now so skinny that people think she is sick! My husband is 5'11 and never weighed more than 200 pounds and my stepsons are so painfully thin... Honestly, sometimes I don't want to take the youngest one in public by myself because I worry people are going to think that I am starving the poor boy and eating all the food myself!! Kidding... sort of... So the (obese) cheese stands alone. SO glad to find people who can relate to me so I don't feel like such a huge freak.

Anyway, my My Thanksgiving went well. I felt like a beached whale/Jabba the Hut at times but I just ignored those thoughts and tried to focus on having fun and being with family. My husband's family are very sweet and so they made me feel comfortable being there. I got through it and now back to work and my regular routine. 

Thanks again for the help! I hope everyone had a wonderful holiday and have a great Monday!!