Self evaluation 1 year after hitting goal

I had my lap band surgery May 4, 2010 and hit my goal of 63 pounds lost on Oct 5, 2010. I went about 5 pounds further but I looked pretty rough. My weight has wanted to stabilize at about 5 pounds above goal and I can live with that but it doesn't give me any wiggle room.

I went into the maintenance phase without a clue about how to do it. I had lost weight many times pre band but was never able to maintain the loss. My old habits and the cravings would get to me and I would be off and running and gain it all back. I was very nervous about how it would work but I had done very well with my program while losing but also had accepted that I did not have to be perfect because that was part of what got me in trouble before.

I have found that in this past year I have done both very well and very poorly. I know the "band rules" and have followed them more or less, kind of, sort of.  I have discovered in the past 6 weeks that I have gained about 7 pounds. Ouch! This leads me to consider some tough evaluation and a return to very strict eating habits at least for a while; not as a punishment for bad behavior but because I so love my new life that I am willing to do what ever it takes to keep it.

I returned to grazing and eating at night. Both are extremely damaging to me. I quit listening to my soft stop and was continuing to eat until I was full or "satisfied". Then as soon as the full feeling was passed I would begin the grazing again. I find that I was frequently over filling my pouch. That put me at risk of either a slip, stretching my pouch, or dilating my esophagus. Wow! I said I would never do that and yet I have. I don't have a lot of fluid in my band so I am probably alright but it cannot continue without risk in the future. I also found myself resorting to some maladaptive eating when my band got tighter this summer. Oh yeah, I would look at what I had prepared for dinner and realize that it was not going to work, or if I could only eat a few bites I would turn to sliders. I also use sliders for fun, too. I was never going to do that either. Famous last words.

After realizing that I was getting pretty far off track, in some areas with out realizing it, I have had to get strict with myself so that I can continue figuring this maintenance thing out. The main reason I got my bandwas that I wanted to have a fighting chance at keeping my weight off. The things I learned while losing weight and living with my band have allowed me to rein myself in before it gets worse. The things I have learned about myself during maintenance, whether doing well or poorly, help me develop a better plan to continue making changes to last for life. I don't have to be perfect, I just have to be willing to try.

Thank you for such a truthful post. I think we all can learn a lot once we quit trying to be perfect. I like that you are not punishing yourself.just merely getting back on track. Congratulations on reaching goal. I enjoy reading your post and very much respect the advice you give. Thanks for an honest post!

Some life lessons come to us when we're well behaved, but I think many also come when we make mistakes. Sounds to me like you've learned your lessons very well in both departments!
Just being able to be honest with yourself (and us) is great.

And you know I'm rootin' for you, now and always!

Jean

What a great post, thanks for sharing.

When we are newly post-op, it is so easy to think, "hey! I've conquered this thing! I'll never be tempted by x, y, z again!" But for so many of us, whatever behavior led us to needing WLS will likely be a longterm struggle.

I am always on the lookout for old behaviors trying to sneak back in...and even with me being on the lookout, those tricky things still slip back in here and there.

Good on you for taking the time to self evaluate. I hope when I reach maintenance (first, I hope that I actually do reach maintenance at some point, lol), that I too am able to be aware enough to recognize things need to change before 7 lbs turns in 15, 25, 30...etc.

Lindsey

I hear you! I gained weight as well and started getting back into old habits. It's a tough lesson to learn. I also think about my friends and family who I consider to be "normal" weight. Their weight fluctuates - the difference is that they get it under control. Congrats on doing just that!

Great post GrannyM!  I could have written it myself!  I think there comes a point in this journey when we all experience what you've described and what we do when we get there represents a big turning point.  I'm up 10 lbs from my lowest post op weight and my body seems to be very comfortable here but I'm not!  I want to reach goal which is only 30 lbs away.  While I still struggle with night time eating and sweets, I refuse to give into the urge to stop weighing and stick my head in the sand.  I start everyday with a plan and I forgive myself if I slip up.  I think that constant awareness is the big difference in me today than the old Lisa.  I KNOW I can lose weight with the band because I have.  That belief in myself and my own abilities is a major difference in who I have become.  The band helped me for sure, but I did this!  I did it!

Don't ever forget what we are capable of!

Thanks for sharing,
Lisa O.

Thank you all for your responses. I knew going into this that when I got my band that the old me and her old tendencys would never completely disappear. That really scared me but I vowed to give it whatever it took to succeed, long term. I feel as if I am succeeding at this point. I don't have to be perfect to do it. I just have to learn from my mistakes. Now, for the next year my job will be to continue. As I have gotten further along in my journey I am more comfortable in my new body so the challenge will be to keep the momentum.

You all have been a tremendous source of help and encouragement right from the beginning. Every OH member gives me a new chance to learn. Thank you, all.

Thank you for sharing.  I have lost 50lbs and now have fallen to the old ways.  Just like you had.  It has been several months.. I haven't been going to the gym this summer either.  I have gained 10lbs..  Your story is giving prospective on myself.  It is time for me to get back to caring for me.
Again , thank you.

Thanks for sharing -- this ability you have to honestly self evaluate is priceless! 

I think it is so easy for people to fall into the mindset of "I've had surgery, therefore I am fixed".  What we are all doing here -- all of us --  battling obesity -- it is a lifelong endeavor. Sometimes it is a little easier, surgery helps, sometimes we feel like we are holding on with our fingernails.

It's great that you've identified what needs to change and are willing to try!

This is a really great post!   It will be two years in May of next year myself.  Still fighting old habits of grazing and snacking, gained 12 lbs back just recently, and got back on the proverbial wagon to drop the 12 again plus 3 lbs with the help of some needed verbal spanking from my doctor.  (Thank you Dr. Lamar!)

But I must say congrats on reaching your goal and the fact that you acknowlege the work that is needed to stay there!