Recent Posts
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1/18/2009 Getting current....I have had a lifelong struggle with obesity and in 2002at the age of 29/30 I made the decision to have gastric bypass surgery. Surgery was about being healthy not my weight and not my body image (although they were affected they were not my goals) I had been a successful dieting failure, loosing 70-100lbs more than 3 times in the 10 years prior to surgery; being overweight since I was 8 yrs old. Gastric bypass was successful; I lost 100% of my excess weight in 7 months (BMI 47->24.9) mainly due to a combination of my age, starting BMI, preop education, LUCK & my personality lending me to be the 'perfect patient' (little did I realize this is not a positive thing!). I feel it was also being very active in the bariatric community online and in person support groups I attended or facilitated that helped me reach and stay at goal for so long and not stray too far! I reflect now and am aware of switching addictions after surgery from food to exercise. I had developed an exercise addiction, being obsessed with daily exercise for 4 years, having to do at least 10 hours a week in the gym if not more, 6 hours of that cardio and no days off, I thought about it all the time and planned my life around it (instead of food!). I burned out!!!!!!!!! Fear, sadness, shame, guilt, anger and loneliness were the emotions I was trying to avoid with food or exercise. I kept the weight off until 2+ yrs ago when my emotional eating returned. I had allowed the stressors in my life at that time to guide me in a negative direction and I stopped making healthy choices in living and coping. My new lifestyle and coping didn't hold up and I have episodically reverted to more familiar ways (eating when not physically hungry, eating more carbs, isolating, sleeping, avoidance). In the Fall of 2006 I did a year worth of personal growth and worked on my shame, codependency, perfectionism, anger, sadness and fear that permeated/effected my life and relationships. I gained many tools to cope (Meditation, positive affirmations, chanting, being present, much of Geneen Roth's work helped also, letting go/surrendering, connection with my spirituality, CODA meetings, setting boundaries that were healthy, journaling). All along my weight was never the focus, merely a symptom of my emotional mismanagement. Over time again I have allowed life to erode many of these new found coping skills, and the choices I have made are not the ones to put me in balance or to be centered, present or healthy. I have become more aware of this over the past 3 months and am ready to address these things below. I take full accountability and responsibility for my actions and choices. Up until a few weeks ago I was (NOT) coping with life's stressors by: 1) Avoidance and numbing with food (more carbs which drives more physical hunger on top of the emotional hunger). 2) Isolating from previous level of activities and socialization. (friends/family/church/exercise/CODA meetings/shopping). 3) Working long hours and on off tours via remote access at home intruding on home; attempting to avoid and be perfect. 4) Procrastination at home and work. 5) Increased sedentary activity such as sleeping in or going to bed early, watching much more than usual movies/TV, naps on weekends. 6) NO EXERCISE in MONTHS!. MY GOAL has always been so I am refocusing on this: "I want to more balance in my life by being more physically and emotionally present and healthy" Steps I have taken in past few weeks to rediscover my path:
Started gradually exercising to find that balance between all or nothing..so far 30 min 3x week is the balance! Slow and steady! SUPERWOMAN does not work anymore!
Started daily journaling of my thoughts, feelings and sometimes food.
Started a food discovery log (identifying my physical, emotional aspects of hunger and eating etc.)
Started daily affirmations reading and listening.
Started daily listening to transforming eating obsessions CD (self hypnosis/guided imagery)
Meditating daily.
Practicing my deep breathing daily to deal with stress.
Returned to CODA meetings
Broke out of my isolation with friends and family.
Stopped over sleeping/napping to avoid.
Returned slowly to online support groups.
Returned to more personal growth work individually.
MAKING ME A PRIORITY! SPEAKING MY TRUTH AND LIVING IN THE ONLY PLACE I CAN NOW!
I always find honesty with self, accountability to self, sharing and in community I can not only survive but I can and do thrive! I am here! OPEN, HONEST AND CURRENT! TODAY there is no place for self-criticism or judgment; today I am practicing JUST NOTICING! ANYONE WANT TO JOIN ME? I would not be who I am today without my challenges, I am accepting them, embracing them and learning from them! GRATITUDE WORKS! I am grateful for my life, I am grateful for all of you! BEING ALIVE, really ALIVE and present today is MARVELOUS! I am posting as widely as possible to share!

Jamie Ellis RN MS NPP
100cm proximal Lap RNY 10/9/02 Dr. Singh Albany, NY
320(preop)/163(lowest)/185(current) 5'9'' (lost 45# before surgery)
Plastics 6/9/04 & 11/11/2005 Dr. King www.albanyplasticsurgeons.com
http://www.obesityhelp.com/member/jamiecatlady5/
"Being happy doesn't mean everything's perfect, it just means you've decided to see beyond the imperfections!"
God bless you all,
Nola
Hugs,
Marie
Now that I am in The Program, I am no longer enslaved by alcohol and other drugs. Free, free at last from the morning-after tremors, the dry heaves, the three-day beard, the misplaced eyelashes. Free, free at last from working out the alibis and hoping they won't unravel; free from blackouts; free from watching the clock so that I can somehow get that desperately needed "first one." DO I TREASURE MY FREEDOM FROM CHEMICAL ENSLAVEMENT?
TODAY I PRAY
Praise God that I am free of chemicals. This is my first freedom, from which other freedoms will develop -- freedom to appraise my behavior sanely and constructively, freedom to grow as a person, freedom to maintain relationships with others on a sound basis. I will never cease to thank my Higher Power for leading me away from my enslavement.
TODAY I WILL REMEMBER
Praise God for my freedom.
This song reminds me of how I USE to feel sometimes when I was in my drinking days.. *coming down* off that weekend binge. It would make me feel lonely. Wishing I was drunk again cuz it was *funner*. Sooo I thought. It was all miserable really. I am very .. very grateful for my SOBRIETY.. and I do give Paise to God !!
Johnny Cash.. Sunday Morning Coming Down
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7Cru2ld06-A
Johnny Cash.. Unchained
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5Dqbv8a1Qtg&feature=related

It is good to have an end to journey towards; but it is the journey that matters in the end. ~Ursula K. LeGuin
That is how I greet all of my students at school. So many kids have low self-esteem, I find it really helps when I greet them that way.
I have been flying under the radar for good reasons lately. I have been pretty stable, and enjoying my life, for the most part. I have 18 days of sobriety, and I am working my AA program to the best of my ability.
I have a terrific sponsor, and I really am motivated. My therapist had me write a therapy agreement, and I am more at peace with things these days.
Have a great day. My school is closed for a snow day.
Hugs,
Trish
Albert Schweitzer

You may want to consider talking to your prescriber or your pharmacist to determine if they can be crushed or cut in to smaller pieces that are easier to swallow.
for my continued Sobriety..
for the people.. family.. friends in my life..
for my kitties who keep me company and love me unconditional..
for God.. who loves me unconditional..
for being able to work from home today due to the snow we received..
for my plastic surgery that I was able to get..
Life is wonderful

It is good to have an end to journey towards; but it is the journey that matters in the end. ~Ursula K. LeGuin
01-27 REFLECTION FOR THE DAY
I can attain real dignity, importance and individuality only be a dependence on a Power which is great and good, beyond anything I can imagine or understand. I will try my utmost to use this Power in making all my decisions. Even though my human mind cannot forecast what the outcome will be, I will try to be confident that whatever comes will be for my ultimate good. JUST FOR TODAY, WILL I TRY TO LIVE THIS DAY ONLY, AND NOT TACKLE MY WHOLE LIFE PROBLEM AT ONCE?
TODAY I PRAY
May I make no decision, engineer no change in the course of my lifestream, without calling upon my Higher Power. May I have faith that God's plan for me is better than any scheme I could devise for myself.
TODAY I WILL REMEMBER
God is the achitect. I am the builder.
website to AA (Alcoholics Anonymous)
http://www.aa.org/?Media=PlayFlash
website to Alanon (for family and loved ones of Alcoholics)
http://www.al-anon.alateen.org/
It is good to have an end to journey towards; but it is the journey that matters in the end. ~Ursula K. LeGuin