my perception.

There is something that has been nagging at me the past few months. I figure.. I can express how I feel here in the hopes of no one passing judgement, maybe if anything someone can relate...

I have been in the WLS process since Oct 2011. I have always been the " fat kid, fat chick ect". However, in recent years, even tho I struggle with my weight and health I was able to look in the mirror and accept what would stare back at me and realize that I had to learn to love it or I'd lose my mind... now, I never fully accepted my body and appearance, but learned to just " live with it"...

Here is my issue, I find myself more and more disgusted and bothered with my current appearance, more than ever... it's almost like... the closer I get to surgery.. the more I hate what I see and can't wait to change it because it is really bringing me down.


self esteem has never been my "forte" however , what's the saying, " fake it till you make it"? I usually was able to pull that off... now it's just poison in my mind.

I was going into this surgery for primarily my health, I have lost one ovary to PCOS, lost my dad  to cancer he was only47 years old, mom has diabetes and there is a history of family heart problems and ALOT of cancer. Therefore this was my driving force....

It would seem that I am focused on the vanity piece right now.. which I find sad... It's like the closer I get to it- the more I hate the mirror right now..  I try my best to avoid mirrors, windows anything that will reflect back...

what has happened to the little self esteem I once had as an " obese person".... man oh man.. I don't know whats up!!

Sorry for the gloomy post.. just thought I would feel better getting it off my chest.

Thanks all.

I can COMPLETELY relate to what you're feeling, Chanelle. I could have written that post myself.  I think the anticipation, stress, anxiety, frustration of waiting, etc, for surgery really takes a toll on people emotionally. It's almost like your life is in limbo, which is an uncomfortable feeling for sure.

Don't hate the girl in the mirror - she'll always be a part of who you are.

Karen

How long did it take you to accept the new girl in the mirror?

A LONG time. Intellectually I know I am not overweight.  Emotionally I still see a fat girl when I look in the mirror sometimes.  The thing for me was embracing the "old me" and allowing the "new me" to exist.  I never want to forget where I came from.

I'm still new to the "new me" and I find it hard to accept. But that's what therapy is for LOL

I still walk by a mirror and have to go back and do a double take!

Sometimes people comment on what I look like and I am compelled to say "I still see the fat girl in my brain!" and they get confused.

I find myself saying that alot lately actually, WEIRD!!

I feel very very fat today. I'm up a few pounds, as I always am this time of the month, but I was beating myself up big time this morning as I stepped on the scale. It's the same thing every month, so I don't know why I get surprised every time lol. I guess i'm just afraid that it won't go back down.......this time!! Today, I really really see a fattie staring back at me!! I need to fix that right now!

I think although you may of accepted yourself at the higher weight you never really liked her. Now that you know there can be a new you, you are letting your true feelings about your weight out. Most of us here can relate to that. You may have started this journey for health which is great but most struggle with how the weight made us feel
Try to hang in there. You are close to the new you

I also totally relate. I was in the lowest place in my life before surgery. I didn't want anyone to see me, and I rarely went out of the house, unless I had to. Believe me, the veil will lift the day you get your date...and opti will be a dream.
Try to love yourself everyday along the way, because the time will pass anyway, and you might as well feel good!
My grandma Always said..."this too shall pass...". And she was right.
Amy

Who need's a therapist when a girl can have all you people for advice/empathy-- thank you ladies.

I am somewhat relieved to know that it is not just me... I would like to be able to step out of the house without feeling this way!

A wise man(dad) used to tell me, one day at a time.

I suppose it's time i follow that eh?