still on the fence

Hello all at OFF! Ok since it is hard to say this to family and friends I am letting it out here. I KNOW but knowing isn't soothing me right now, about it getting better. I am sitting here thinking how I fought so hard to get WLS done and I am feeling so awful! I am sick of protein shakes, I am sick of my hot foods getting cold cuz I got to eat slow. I am unhappy about feeling bad about feeling bad. This was my choice, yes. And I am not feeling very energetic even with some weight loss. I haven't much ambition. I just wanna sleep to avoid the frustration I feel. YUK! I am reading your messages for encouragement, yet I wonder is that gonna be me in the future? I am having feelings of being upset with myself cuz I couldn't do this on my own and had to have WLS. SIGH! I am venting this and know that you WLSers will relate, not for a pity party please. Thanks for listening and have a good weekend.
Blessings to all of OFF
Sharon

Sharon:

And when did you have your surgery done? You will not have to have protein shakes forever; eventually, you'll be able to have real food again and be able to eat a meal in a normal time of about a half hour before it gets too cold.

I had to do a two-week pre-op diet, then two weeks of liquid shakes, soups, protein hot chocolate and cappucinos, then soft foods for two weeks ... then started adding regular foods ... so we're talking six weeks before I could have regular stuff like deli turkey. Was I sick of protein shakes? Hell, yes. Was I sick a bit? Well, I had to take these yucky liquid antibiotics ... and they gave me the runs.

Did I have any energy? Well, not a lot at first ... but about two months out, I started to get a bunch of energy ... more than I ever had before, and that without caffeine.

That went out for about four months. Unfortunately, it didn't last (for me ...others have different experiences). But ... I did lose 180 pounds over three years, and I never lost that much before.

But it's now nearly 7 years out, and I know better ... this was a good decision. I unfortunately lost the energy surge, but that's mostly because of fibromyalgia and arthritis; I am off blood pressure meds.

I have never regretted this surgery, not even when I had the runs after two weeks, or I had to give up caffeine pre-op (and try doing that when you have to be at work at 3 a.m.).

If you are losing weight, you are shedding fat cells, they hold estrogen, and that makes you moody ... so don't worry. It's normal.

Sharon,

Wow, even after 6 years I can remember how you are feeling. We've all been there. Probably doesn't help you feel any better just to know that most of us felt that way too. Some had the "buyers remorse" in the hospital post op, others a bit later.

I think we focus all of our energy and emotions on "getting" our surgery. It's a bit anti climactic afterwards. It comes down to this is what our every day life is for a while, and it's kind of hard work of a different kind. Try to remember that you "resorted" to weight loss surgery because you could NOT do it on your own.  You made the decision after careful thought that this was what was necessary or you quite likely would DIE at a much younger age due to morbid obesity. In my case the term was "super morbid obesity!"

My doctor explained that we have emotional meltdowns due to hormone releases along with all of the fat cells and weight loss. In the past food was what would soothe you. It's hard to get that kind of comfort from protein shakes. It's quite possible that you aren't getting in enough calories and that is part of the  tiredness. It won't be long before you can start having more and more variety.

Each day get up and treat yourself well. Do something special for you. Also do something for someone else. Make a phone call to someone who is alone, ill, or needing a bit of comfort. It helps me to help someone else. Volunteer somewhere, get out of the house, go for a walk, clean out a closet, finish a project. Turn off the negative and think of all of the positives that will result from losing your excess weight.

Sharon, it WILL get better. This is a great place to share your feelings and to find that you are not alone. Have you found a local support group? If you can go to one it is a good idea. There you'll find plenty of others who are walking the same path. 

Another thought. Are you taking any B12 supplements? I swear by them. They are just little sublingual tablets and not expensive, but I really do think that they help my mental and emotional outlook on life.

Best wishes!

Dear Sharon,
I promise you it will get better. I had those exact same feelings. Buyer's remorse. Feeling guilty about having to have WLS to lose my weight, hormone changes. Losing food for my comfort. Hey girlfriend I am YOU!

Lack of energy is normal, later on it kicks up. I was open RNY with 2 drains for a little while. I made myself walk but believe me I had my naps. Sometimes recovery takes longer than others so don't compare yourself with others. Tired? Take a nap and don't feel guilty about it. It's very important that you LISTEN to your body.

Sick of the sweet protein milky shakes? Yep, I was too and promised myself when I start on a normal diet I wouldn't go back to them.

I have found EAS protein shakes less sweet and thick. I drink it over lots of ice and it's 17gms of protein and 110 calories. I actually like them in the morning. Why? because I have to take off some of my regain. I'm not hungry in the morning but I do have to refuel my body in the AM.

Hang in there, keep posting, we will support you. You are normal with the feelings you blogged about. We all understand. But be sure to walk sometime today okay? It will make you feel better and if you are tired after you walk, lie down to rest. It's you time now. Hugs Debbie

Sharon,

You got a lot of good input already, so just let me say this, YOU ARE NORMAL, this change of lifestyle is not easy by any stretch of the imgination, the easy part is behind you, now the changing a lifetime of things looms before you and it is a daunting task at times, however, it is and will be something when you look in your rearview mirror of life that you will be remembering as the low before the high.  More than likely you are mourning the loss of you old friend and lifetime companion, the romance with food is over and now learning how to eat to live, instead of living to eat is upon you.  You can do this, I promise you, you can and will get past this and if the malaise does not pass fast enough, then seek out professional help, as some need to go on anti-depressants for a time.

Wishing you peace within.

Hugs, Laureen

Sharon,

I would say that you are "On the Fence" no longer. You're right down there in the cow pasture with the rest of it. The good, the bad, the smelly, and the fragrant. Remember that cow pies make fertilizer to grow the beautiful wild flowers!

 The "fence" would be up there sitting not being able to decide one way or the other.  Your fence sitting days are over my friend. You'll have days of wanting to go back into the negative but more and more you will start having those little and big wow moments. Those things will take you a long ways.

I'll never forget the day that I could cross my legs. I just sat there and swung that crossed leg back and forth like crazy. Or the day that I flew and no longer had to ask for a seat belt extension. Or when I could walk into any restaurant and know that I would be able to easily slide into any booth. And to be able  to sit in any theatre seat in comfort. And oh yes, pants that zip instead of those one size fits all elastic waistbands. . . .

.Life is good, Sharon, and by summer you'll be so amazed. I think of Dr. Seuss' "Oh the places I can go!" And I do, go, and go and go. I'm not going to waste one more day of my life. I spent way too many years wishing I could do this or that. Today I'm limited only by my imagination (no limit there!) and my budget (unfortunately that sometimes gets in the way!)

I realize that what you meant was "on the fence" about whether the whole experience is a bad or good thing.. Just couldn't resist the cow pie comments! I know your emotions are raw and real and I'm not making light of them. Sometimes my feelings were so on the surface that I felt like a teenager going through PMS all over again I knew something was bugging me but I couldn't  for the life of me figure out what, bu****ch out anyone who got too close! Someone was going to catch what I was dishing out.  Hope you feel better this morning.

My dear friend, Sharon
   I wish that I would have been in better contact with you. I keep telling myself that I will write when I feel a little more upbeat. since you are having a rough time I did not want to write unless I could say something positive. I didn't go through the emotions at first like most do. I guess I saved it up. So we are going through it together now. I promise to send you a PM soon. Time for breakfast. don't know yet what I'm going to eat. Who knows, maybe a protein shake (tee hee)
  Love to you, Mag     Here's a sisterly kiss for you.

Hi Sharon,

Oh, please listen to these ladies!  They do know best.  They helped me so much.  I am only a couple of months ahead of you and I don't have everything worked out yet, but every day is better, and every week is better, and every pound gone is MUCH better!!!

I thought I would gag if I had to drink one more protein shake.  I did gag on them and often.  Here's what I drink now:  Pro Joe by Bariatric Advantage.  They come premixed in 9 oz. bottles.  Not so sweet and easy to just drink a little at a time throughout the day.  At first I could only drink half of one.  (Also, I add a little fiber powder to them to help with the constipation problems I am still having.)

I took a nap every single day the first two months.  It's only been in this last 3rd month that I've been able to go all day without napping.  Some days I cry.  I don't know why.  I get teary and I just have to let myself cry.  I cry over TV commercials!  My family all gets a big chuckle out of that one.  "Mom's crying again!"  It's okay.  It will pass. 

I can't say that I've had buyer's remorse, but I've certainly had snacker's remorse!  I knew I was an emotional eater, but geez Louise!  I sure do miss munching away mindlessly whenever I got lonely or sad.  Now I'm crocheting in the evenings to keep myself occupied.  And when that doesn't work, I go get in the hot tub or the bath tub.  Can't eat when I'm immersed in ho****er!!!

You were so scared before you had the surgery and I know you had a rough recovery.  I'm sorry for that.  But now is the time for mind over matter, so to speak.  Abe Lincoln once said, "Most folks are about as happy as they make their minds up to be."  It's time for you to be happy with your decision, embrace the changes to come, and make peace with your body.  It will get better and better and better!

Love you, sista!