After I got home from the hospital, my "best friend" was no where to be seen. I had other people coming by to help me as I live alone, but she was off with other friends doing other things. I feel like she should have made time to come and see me but she didn't. We talked on the phone, as we had several times a day before, but I was growing resentful so I said something about it. She got angry saying she needed to put her own needs first and said I was being unreasonable. We haven't talked until I sent her an email last night and she wrote back obviously angry with me. I really feel like I wasn't asking too much and for us to be so close, I would have thought she would have wanted to be there for me. Was I wrong about this? I feel really good about the weight loss so far, and really crummy about losing my friend.

 some people can't handle change...and being the independent person you are you should never expect anyone to be there for you.  WLS is a huge change and she might be afraid she is losing you because of it.  She might have things in her life she wants to change but hasn't and this makes her face her own demons.  I would write her an email and try to reconcile but IMHO you can't ever depend on someone to help you out.  
I have 4 brothers and sisters..don't really speak to any of them as i am the youngest and they all believe i was spoiled or something growing up.  Hate has wrapped its fingers around them and won't let go.  I have tried but can't change how they feel about me.  Sad but true.  I do, however, talk by email to my closest sister in age about once or twice a year whenever she decides (her guilt takes over) to write to me.  She doesn't ever answer if i write to her.  Anyways she has recently gotten on FB and the day of surgery my daughter put as her status that she wants good vibes and prayers going out to me on my day of surgery.  My sister writes to her asking her what the surgery was for and my daughter told her.  I have NEVER heard a word about it and the only other thing i heard was a bunch of nasty stuff on a review i gave a program i was watching on tv...So in my case, i can't even depend on family...they are jealous of my change..one would think especially family would be happy your taking care of yourself but they can't see things that way.   Good luck with your friend...

Thank you! I'm so sorry to hear about your lack of support from your family. My brother did not want me to have the surgery, but has still been there for me, asking how I am doing and such. We can't change other people, you are right. WE are independent women and can be there for ourelves. Best of luck to you. Thanks for your post.

 WOW... 

Give it time, I have a friend that has seemed to drop off. She has fought a weight issue all her life, and I think she needs time to get over her 'jelousy'(didn't help her hubby commented on how great I was doing/looking last time I saw them). I think she is a bit mad that she didn't come with me 3 yrs ago to find out about this surgery and might be regretting it. Last time I saw her, her only comment was, 'looks like you finally bought clothes that fit you'. I feel like I can't be excited for myself around her, hopefully that will change. Remember this surgery is about you, people have their own ways of dealing with situations, accept the fact that for now she wants to support you through a phone call, that is better than ignoring you. Don't let distractions like this get you down, focus on you and what you need to be doing for now. BTW I never had my best friend call me every day to see how I was doing, my sister called me once a day to see how I'm doing.
Rhonda

I'm sure that you losing your friend was a lot more about her than about you. Sometimes people get jealous and I'm sure one thing you were told prior to surgery was that relationships will change. Give your friend time and I'm sure that she will come around. If she doesn't then it's her loss and she wasn't a real friend to begin with. Good luck. I'm sure on here you will find lots of support and friends :)

I agree with you both. I am sure that it has more to do with her situation right now. Usually I can see that and find compassion, but I guess my hurt feelings just got in the way. Right now I am trying to focus on what I do have going right and maybe after some time she will cool off.

I really appreciate the support everyone. It's been a struggle to keep a positive demeanor through all of this and I didn't expect this bump.

For the the freindship woul dbe over. I guess her life is more important.
Please find new friends. She is really not a good friend. She disapointed you now - she will in the future.

What did you expect her to do for you? Did she know you needed help? And did she know specifically what you needed? Personally, except for help with my kids (which was covered by my mom), I did not need any help post-RNY. Now post-plastics was a different story. I needed lots of help then.

Laura

Having WLS and losing weight led to a strain in my relationship with a close friend.  I had heard through this forum that that happens sometimes so I wasn't too surprised.  I was careful not to react but to focus on my recovery and weight loss while letting her feel whatever she needed to feel about it all.

One thing I learned is that I can admit -- if I had a friend who lost all her excess weight and I was still struggling, I would be upset too.  I might be jealous and definitely would feel lousy that someone was overcoming their condition and I wasn't.  Over time, my friend began to understand that I was still the same person on the inside and I wasn't trying to sell her on the surgery.  She got my message that my journey is my journey and her journey is her own.  She knows that if she *never* did anything to overcome her weight and health issues -- no judgment -- I am her friend.

So I handled it with a light touch and gave it time, and our relationship not only was restored, but is better -- because now I am not such a miserable person and can actually be a better friend.

-Jasmine