Appropriate/Reasonable Response

I am scheduled to return to work next Monday, after a 12 week leave. I don't plan to volunteer that I had WLS. Assuming anyone comments on my weight loss--I'm down 53 pounds but am still quite obese--I'm hoping a simple thank you will do. For the people that push the issue, how do/have you vets of the process handle it?

Can I ask why you had 12 weeks off? what was the reason you told them?

Does it matter she had 12 weeks off? I'm assuming for her surgery.

If people press beyond your "thank you," you can say that you are feeling great and making healthy changes. If they continue to press (I've had people just come out and ask how much weight I've lost), I just say, "a lot - it is really exciting!" If they press beyond that (and some people, shockingly have), I just say, "you know, I'm keeping some parts of this to myself, but I'm grateful for your support!" And then just smile and give them a squeeze and excuse yourself. For those who truly won't drop it, I just keep repeating a version of, "I'm super excited about the healthy changes and my exercise. I feel great!" And then I start to ask them questions about them - just asking them how they are often diverts the conversation away from answering what you don't want to.

 

No it doesn't "matter" that she had 12 weeks off, however I was curious why so I asked. Is that a crime here? Geez.

 

Anyways, my questions were going to lead to what I would say if I were you.

I read through her old posts and she said she had MS and needed longer to recover.

I thought your question was reasonable and not "nosey". Definitely not a crime.

I think the fact that she was off for 12 weeks (which is several times the normal amount of time for a lap surgery and double the normal amount of time for even an open surgery) does matter in that it will likely make co-workers even more inquisitive than if she had only been off for 3 or 4 weeks.  Usually when someone is off for such a long period of time it is for a critical medical issue or there were signifcant complications, and people are more likely to ask what is going on, if she is ok, etc.

Lora

I get that, but she didn't volunteer it, and regardless, she could put questions about a critical medical issue to rest by saying that she wasn't sick, is feeling great, etc. Did she tell them she was taking time off for a surgery seems the more important question and less intrusive. Canada has great family medical leave and Canadians are able to take extended leave for medical issues, but lots of people take extended time off and don't share the reasons with their co-workers. My Mom took an extended leave (8 weeks) after my 2nd child was born and when she went back to work she wasn't required to explain why she took time off to her co-workers, regardless of any physical changes she might return to work with. 

The OP took 12 weeks off and she did for her own reasons, but they aren't germane to figuring out how to navigate going to back to work after WLS.

The "I was just curious so I asked" seems to be part of the issue that we are discussing here -  I might be old-fashioned, but if people don't volunteer information, then it isn't actually polite to ask. Which extends to the overall topic: I don't think it is withholding information to not volunteer that I had WLS. If people press, they are being rude, not me. I'm allowed to share, or not share, what I want to. I'm happy to talk about it and I'm honest and direct with people, but those conversations tend to be meaningful. I don't share about it on FB - I don't count down my weight loss or talk about it at all for personal and professional reasons.  

I would just say "I'm not comfortable talking about it,"

Since you did take 12 weeks off, they will ask. You may just want to say something like "I have been having health issues and am taking better care of my health" (true, yet vague)

Love this response!