If I don't want to tell people how much I weigh, why would I want to tell them how much I lost?

As I'm approaching 40 lbs lost (from my highest weight, not since surgery) I am starting to get a lot of people saying they can tell I've lost weight.  I've lost a lot on my face and neck (thankfully!) so even though my size isn't that much different, I do look different.

95% of the time, they don't stop there.  They also ask me "How much weight have you lost?"

This question comes both from people that know I had surgery, and those that don't know.

I HATE this question.  I'm very private about my weight, my medical issues, and many other things life.  If I would never tell someone how much I weigh (in IRL anyway), why would I tell them how much I've lost?   The only people that know my weight and how much I've lost are my doctors and my husband.  You all know too, but I stay anonymous online as a personal rule.  

Maybe my feelings will change as I lose more, but right now that question feels SO personal and so ... icky.  So I just say something like "I'm not focusing on the numbers."  or if pressed, I will offer "I've lost 3 inches off my waist." (which is still really personal, but feels less "weighty" emotionally than saying the pounds I've lost.)

Does anyone else here really avoid telling people how much weight you've lost?  Or do you share it pretty openly?  If you share it openly, does that mean you also share your starting weight (and by simple math, your current weight) when people ask?

Anyone have some good deflection methods?

I am a therapist and do not discuss my weight loss with clients (or other personal issues !) What I DO say to clients and anyone else that askes that kind of question is simple :
" Thank you for noticing ! I appreciate it." Then I taek a second, smile at them, and complement them on something. Most people would rather talk about themselves anyway...."what a lovely pin, great new hair style, nice sweater " turns the conversation back to them.....and you are done.

Thanks!  I'll definitely be trying that one!

You are right that most people probably aren't that terribly interested in me really - and giving a nice and sincere compliment is a very positive way to change the course of the conversation.

I guess I am different. I always use to hide my weight and felt when i started i had to become accountable so i told all n showed all with updates n pics etc.  Being accountable to self and others especially... doesnt allow me to slink away and eat and gain. I have nothing to hide or be ashamed of . I have found a big support system form because of it and that has helped me immensly through my journey.

That's great that you've been so open - and clearly this has worked for you!  Congratulations on your success - you are AMAZING!!  :)

I completely understand your position and your feelings, but the ultimate reality is that gaining and losing weight is a public event; you cannot hide it from people whether you want to or not.

Here's how I deal with this myself:

1) I understand that people observe each other's relative mass.  This is a human condition.

2) I understand that most or all people around me are attempting to be supportive by engaging me with these questions.  I decide to accept this support.

3) I feel that disclosing this information to such people helps to keep me "honest"; that is, if they asked last week, I know they might ask again next week.... and so, perhaps I should put this chocolate candy back down and not in my mouth.

4)  I understand that I in turn, start to become inspirational to other people, and people start gaining respect for my successes.

If you don't want to focus on raw numbers, you can always report "I've lost 30% of my excess body weight". 

This will probably increase as you lose more weight; deflection may keep you alienated.  Gotta do what's best for you though.

Oh, I like the excess body weight idea!  :)

You make a lot of good points, thank you!   It is true that gaining or losing weight is a very public event.   Of course, no one asked me "how much have you gained?"  when I was going up.  (thank god)

I do think that every single person that has asked me "how much have you lost?" was doing it to be both complimentary and supportive.  I'm just a very private person by nature.  Not just in areas of my weight, but many things.  Not to the point that I'm a hermit or anything, I just believe in keeping personal things private for the most part.  I do have a couple of close friends and my husband who get the "full story" if I need to talk, but other than that there are certain areas I don't openly talk about.

I can see how disclosing weight could keep one feeling accountable.  But I do disclose to my husband and of course my doctors.  It isn't like no one knows what I weigh.  And I will always keep my ticker honest here too, even if it means adding a weight gain.   Maybe as a newbie I'm being way too optimistic, but I don't think I should need a 3rd party to keep myself honest.  I track every single thing that crosses my lips, every ounce up or down on the scale.  I did this surgery to save my life.  I did it for my family, but ultimate I did it for me.  So I do believe I can be accountable to myself.   If I run into trouble later, I'll re-evaluate this position.  But for now, I don't think I should need a third party to keep me honest.    (Yeah... but ask me again in a year and I may have totally changed my position!!)

Well only you know what you need to keep honest.  If I was accountable to myself, maybe I wouldn't need surgery in the first place?  I know, that arguement exludes all biology....

But myself, I do need more, that's why I don't want to stop going to support groups!  I see people there that come back after regaining 40% of their weight - that scares me!  I know that when I go to my next support group meeting that I want to report more progress, so that fuels me.

I go to support groups, for sure. 

I think I'm a little different in how I gained my weight from a lot of people here.  I honestly don't believe I have a food addiction.  I ate 2000 calories a day, max, before I started the path to WLS.  But I had a tiny tumor on my pituitary.  I gained over 150 lbs in a year, thanks to this tumor.  Once it was discovered and removed, I was finally able to start losing weight...  but I found I needed to eat REALLY low calories to achieve weight loss.  My endocrinologist (the one that diagnosed the tumor) said he thought weight loss surgery would be really helpful to get the weight off and keep it off.  He said once I got over 300 lbs, so much changes hormonally that no matter how you gained the weight it is very hard to get off.

So I'm not saying I was a saint before.  But I ate healthy - a lot of raw vegan stuff - but I just ate too much for my particular cir****tances.   I also used to jog 25 miles a week before the mysterious weight gain began.  I couldn't figure out WTF was happening to me.  I got weaker and fatter, and by the time I had gained 100 lbs I had to give up jogging all together. It was scary and frustrating and no doctor could figure out what was going on.  I think they all thought I was lying about my diet and exercise.    Finally got referred to an endo that diagnosed me within a couple of weeks of seeing him!  

Whew.... that's a lot of back story.  I don't really talk about this or my pituitary surgery with anyone either.  Just close family know about it.  Just another thing I keep private.  It's my medical drama, and everyone's got some.    

Anyway, I'm just glad to be rid of that tumor (which was non-cancerous by the way) and finally losing weight! 

Wow... thanks for sharing your story with us!  Makes sense!

I didn't have those hormonal issues, and I was slinking off to have extra giant sizes of frozen yogurt with all the fixin's every day..... I used to start my day off with TWO breakfasts at Burger King too.... so I'm somewhat fairly sure that I have a food addiction!