Pre-Op Guilt

I'm currently scheduled for VSG surgery with Dr. Lopez on 8/28/12 in Tijuana and the guilt is killing me. I realize that it's much cheaper to do it in Mexico than here in the States, but it doesn't negate the fact that it's still a lot of money. I think my guilt centers around the amount of weight I need to lose. My BMI is 35 and I'd like to get down to somewhere around 130 (so roughly 100 lbs to lose). The guilt is because I keep telling myself if I had tried harder, if I had exercised more, if I had been even more careful about what I eat, etc, etc, I could have lost this last 100 pounds with dieting rather than spending so much for surgery. But I have yo-yo dieted until I can't even stand to hear the word anymore. Medifast, NutriSystem, Body by Vi, etc...all offer nothing more than temporary results (in my opinion and experience). My mother says she went through the same feelings of guilt prior to her VSG surgery and that's it's normal. Did anyone else feel this way prior to surgery? 

I did not feel guilt - but I understand your feeling.

Just remember - if you kept trying you would be spending money too - Weigh****chers, jenny craig, diet books, all the rest.  They add up.  Plus the new wardrobes as you go up and down in size, the medical expenses, and everything else.  

Don't feel guilty.  You are making an investment in yourself that will pay off in a big way! 

A well meaning reality check for you dear. Keep right on yo-yo dieting your way to a bmi of 45-50 if it makes you feel better. Weigh over 300 lbs, have pain every time you try to walk, risk stroke, heart attack, diabetes, and certainly an early death.
You have nothing to feel guilty about. I for one and I know I speak for many on this forum applaud your decision to get off this merry go round and take control of your health.
I wish you all the best in your journey.

I am scheduled for my surgery on 9/24 and have battling the same feelings of guilt! I keep thinking "if I had only tried harder" or "if I had stuck to my excersise plan" etc. etc. etc. I think that having these feelings is probably normal. Try to be strong and be proud of your self for chosing to take control of your life. Focus on the changes that you are going to need to make after your surgery and believe in yourself that you will succeed this time because you will have a much stronger tool to help you! Know that you are not alone!  We are all cheering you on! Hang in there! And good luck with your upcoming surgery!

 Yes, sort of.  

I was so far gone by the time I decided to get surgery though that the desperation of a last attempt superceded the guilt for getting myself in that situation in the first place.  A 100 pounds is a lot- the surgery will help you get it all off and keep it off.  Don't beat yourself up.  If you were diabetic you wouldn't feel guilty for taking insulin would you?  Obesity is a disease and deserves aggressive treatment.

You have no reason to feel any guilt.  Just the opposite, you should feel proud that you have the strength and courage to take this kind of positive action for your health, for your life, and for the people who love you.

We get a lot of **** put on us for being heavy.  People assume we are heavy because we are lazy, because we are slovenly, because we are gluttons.  No one understand the physical and emotional burdens of obesity.

Once you get significantly overweight it is almost impossible to lose the weight and keep it off long term.  Just look at the story of Eric Chopin from the biggest loser.  Weight loss is not a natural state for the human body and it will fight you tooth and nail to not lose the weight.  Severe obesity so compromises the body's energy balance mechanism that your body ignores the signals telling it to not eat.

For your long term success, you need to learn to give up these feelings of guilt, failure, and self incrimination.  Those feelings will work to poison your long term success.  I encourage you to talk to your mom, talk to support groups, talk to a counselor.  Start working on the emotional issues now and the journey will be so much easier on you.

Amen to all the good advice you've received.  You deserve a long, healthy life.  Your sleeve will help you get that.  Guilt does nothing positive, so try to let it go and replace it with hope and determination!

Good luck......

 I felt the same way too, but realized it was cheaper and healthier in the long run to carry on with surgery! Best of luck to you!

Thank you so much to each and every one of you for your responses! It's proof positive to me that I'm in the right place! I've talked at length to my husband, who is my biggest supporter next to my parents, and he's telling me to quit worrying about the money and for me to see this as a gift of a healthy future for myself. You would have to know my husband to know how hard he works to provide for our family - he's a big part of my guilt for using money he worked so hard to earn for this surgery. Guilt or not, I'm going. He's insisting on it as well. It is reassuring however, to know that I'm not alone and that there's others walking similar journeys to help me along the way. 

Thank you so much!!