Family concerns

Got a call from my dad last night. He hasn't wanted me to have the lap band, much less the revision. Generally, he shares his concerns, but supports my decision. He called to tell me that a church member's daughter had similar surgery that I am planning to have on Tues. and has had many complications, additional surgery and hospitalization. He doesn't have any specifics that we can discuss. But he is scared. I don't blame him. But no surgery is without risks. This is something I feel that I have to do.

I feel like I have done everything right this time. I have worked hard to lose half the weight ahead of time. I have been going to the gym and walking and am in good physical health. I am no longer on ANY medication. I am hoping that my efforts will make recovery go quicker. I cannot wait to get back to the gym, but know that I will have to be patient and take it one day at a time.

Any advice to share with my dad would be greatly appreciated.

Susan :-)

Susan,

Have you tried to get him to attend a support group meeting with you?

Ken

Hi.

Sorry your dad is taking this so hard.  Can he find out which surgery his church member's daughter had?  For the uninitiated, they can all seem pretty much alike. 

Other than that, talking over the research you've done, your surgeon's rate of success, and the consequences of NOT having the surgery might help. Also the steps you plan to take to stay healthy afterwards (nutritionist, keeping eye on blood work, etc.)  It sounds like you are doing great preparing for surgery.  

Family worries. It's natural.  If nothing else works, just let him know you are grateful that he worries about you and that you have to do what is right for you.  

Good luck.

I under stand his concerns. This is a much bigger deal than even you think. It is nothing like getting the band and the risks and healing are much bigger too. However, when I had to have my band removed I had to choose to either go it alone or risk getting another tool. What I told my family was that I could not go it alone. I had great success with my band and though I had entirely different eating habits the core fat lady was still there and I knew what would happen over time. I didn't want to go back to my poor health and emotional pain. When I had a very difficult time of it my family was frightened, of course, but they also watched me recover gradually and know that I made the right choice. My mother (84) still freaks out when she sees the tiny amounts I eat but hey.

Reassure your dad that you have researched well, that true complications are rare. Warn him that you may be slower to recover than before but that is normal. It helped my parents when I had to go in to have a stricture dilated and they went with me. I specifically asked the surgeon to explain things well, so he did. They needed to hear that it was not unusual and that yes, I would get past the difficult start. Ask him if he would like to be at the hospital when you have surgery to hear what the surgeon has to say.

Good luck to you.

Sue

SUSAN- I feel your pain, for sure.  I was a two time band - complication patient that resulted in a removal (due to a negligent surgeon, I discovered when my sleeve was created!).  My only sibling died in June, my mother died 13 years ago.  My daddy was freaking out too!  

There really isn't anything you can do to *change* his mind, or even make him feel better.  Be completely open with him, illustrate all that you have done, and educate him on how this is going to make the balance so much faster and the results more permanent.  Then tell him that if you don't take care of yourself now, you won't be able to take care of him or anyone else in the future.  You need this time to make yourself your priority so you can be the best you that you can be, so you can be the best daughter you can be.  Explain lovingly that while you certainly understand his fears, they are not unlike your own, right now you need loving support because this is the most difficult time.  The decision has been made, there is no half-in. I need your help to make this work.  As a church going man - you can understand that I have prayed on this, and now it rests in God's Hands.  His Will be Done.  Love me, support me and cheer me on as We create the best daughter you have known.  

 

I hope you find they way with you Dad.  Good Luck Susan.  

One thought is that you can send him to this forum and have him read through all of the successes here.  Share the facts with him.  One really important fact is that many people have successfully had gall bladder surgery laparoscopically.  As it turns out the risks of the vertical sleeve surgery are actually lower than those with a gall bladder surgery.  

Another way to help him with this is to find out how many of these surgeries your doctor has performed and maybe a little background on your doctor as well.  I did this with my father and he was very impressed that my surgeon did more than 4000 of these surgeries and graduated from the University of North Carolina in Chapel Hill which is one of the best medical schools in the country.  

If you can Google your surgeon you may find other people that have had surgery with him/her and have left comments about him/her.  You can also do another post here and ask how many people have used your particular surgeon and try to get some feedback on their experiences. 

Of course there is also the bottom line.  As you are, if you are overweight or obese you are going to have health issues guaranteed and also these issues will cost money to fix.  If you have the surgery, then you will resolve some or all of these issues and in the long run be healthier and save money.  I get that this isn't about saving money but it is a valid point.

Google youtube and you can find some people that have videotaped there journey through this experience.  If you saw the progress that they have made then you have a visual of some people that have done very well with this.  Share these videos with your father after you have looked through them first of course.

There are many people in this forum that have done the revision.  You can also post for some input from people that have had the revision as well as their experience and comparisons of the two surgeries.  You will find out that they are very likely much happier after the revision than prior to it.  

It boils down to taking advantage of this forum and asking the right questions that will help you sell this surgery.  The strongest information that you can get will be information about your surgeon and his success.

Good luck

I have no advice but my wife was sleeved on Oct 4th and she has had issues since the third week out. First the surgeon was saying it's normal for some people to take longer to heal and that's true. After 6 weeks out, She had a CT showed nothing, Friday she was in the Nuclear med area and had a scan with dye seeing how everything is working. She should know the results Monday or Tuesday. The surgeon thinks it might be her gallbladder. Anyway the point of my reply is not to scare you, I am having the sleeve done on 12/13, I am hoping for a great outcome. I know she will be upset and glad at the same time for me, if I don't have any issues.
Good luck with your surgery, just keep a positive attitude!!!

I appreciate all of you *****plied to my post, but I can only see the first few words. I tried logging out and back in again, but I still cannot see posts. If anyone knows how I can resolve this please send me a message. Again, thanks for all your support.

Susan :-)