For the people you dont tell...

I'm scheduled for surgery January 28.  The majority of my family knows, and since I work for a family business, all non-family coworkers will take note when I'm out for a week after surgery.  While I'm not super comfortable discussing it with my coworkers, I can deal with them being in the know.  I've told three of my best girl friends.  Most people have been super supportive. (Everybody except my brothers, but that's a whole other issue!)

However, there are a majority of friends that I do not want to know, one in particular.  She's recently lost about 20 pounds off her tiny frame, and seems to think that puts us in the same boat.  She has made all sorts of negative, back handed comments about my weight ("I'd rather be dead than fat!" UGH), so naturally I'm not comfortable sharing this with her. She has a pretty big mouth, and the last thing my self esteem needs is for her to go around talking smack.  We used to be inseparable, but I have been spending less and less time with her, because of how nasty she can be.  I hate that she is making me feel like I have to hide this!

Anybody ever deal with something similar? How have you gotten around telling certain people? How do you deal with questions from people you aren't comfortable telling?

nice "friend."  is she truly a friend?  Does she fit that term?  I think not.

i was hiding it at first but as the process gets closer and closer, i could care less and started talking about it in front of anyone.  i dont care anymore.  I'm happy and 100% positive about this decision and it's no one else's business or decision.

She is definitely not a good friend.  But, we have a bunch of mutual friends, so I don't think I'll be totally rid of her anytime soon (unfortunately!).

I decided to only tell my immediate family and one Aunt who had the Bypass; knowing she would understand.

I did not and do not want anyone else to know. I feel it was a personal decision.  The people at work only know that I want for a surgery.

I like it that way.  Maybe one day I'll tell people, but not now.

I would have told your friend to pound sand. However, based on your OH name, you are probably very nice. LOL! I am a little more blunt. However, this girl doesn't sound like the kind of friend that you need. That is a different story though. Unfortunately, I only told a couple of people at work and by the time I got back everyone knew so that was a little weird having random people I don't talk to ask me about my recovery.

My point is...people will notice and talk and they will find out. In my experience anyway. I am hiding this from my family (600 miles away in Maine so that I can surprise them and show up when I am 6 months post op). Believe me, once you have the surgery and you start losing the weight, that confidence will go through the roof. Once you start feeling good, looking better...you won't care what that girl has to say and she will just look dumb running her mouth!

Good luck on however you decide to handle this!

Well I'm not sure how to answer your question b/c I'm an open book and I'm damn proud of my -147 lbs that are gone.  Not yet to goal thou.  As for your friend yes Id stay away from her a friend needs to be supportive weather its 5 lbs or 400 lbs that needs to be lost.  Good luck I hope others can comment to you how they "haven't" told people.  But they will notice and it will be in a short period of time that you will loss your weight.  Just something to think about.  I scream it from the top of the world now.. Funny thing is the SW that I work with is kind of mad now that she is the biggest person at my job now and not me.  Shes really not but I don't care if shes not happy for me I'm Saving My Life!

Jen

I understand wanting privacy, outside of my family and a few close friends I have remained mum. However I know people are going to notice a dramatic weight loss, I don't want to be deceptive especially to other people who have weight issues. So by simply telling people I did it by eating right and exercising is disingenuous, there are plenty of people who do this and they don't suddenly drop massive pounds. I would hate to be the Star Jones of my company giving others my diet tips when I truly know what assisted me in the weight loss. I know how I have suffered with my own weight problems, and I could be the voice that assists someone else to start a journey of their own. With that being said having WLS is a personal, who and when you tell is your business. You seem like a thoughtful and kind person, I am sure you will find your own footing and voice to deal with this situation. Good Luck.  

The only people who know I am having VSG is my mom, great-aunt, great-grandmother, and, of course, my husband. I had to tell a few people, because I'm going to need someone to watch and keep our 2 year old son for a couple of days while I'm in the hospital. I haven't told anyone at my husband's side of the family, because I don't think they need to know. The less people know, the less they can talk, and I'd really hate to harbor negative feelings toward my in-laws should they decide to be negative toward something positive I'm doing for myself.

I've already lost about 30 lbs and haven't even began the pre-op process yet. Questions from hubby's family have rolled in, asking if I've lost weight and what I'm doing, so I'm sure they'll really start asking once I do have the surgery and the pounds really start coming off. I plan to tell them I'm doing a low-carb diet with minimal sugars and fats, all lean protein and good, whole food, not junk. It will be the truth. I'll just leave out the part about me having surgery.

I can assure you that she is no friend.  I lost what I thought was my best friend over me having WLS.  We were inseparable.  She told people that I had changed and that I was not the same person, within weeks of having my WLS.  The only thing that changed was my pant size and my appetite.  I have had nothing but support from every other person that I come in contact with.  My feelings were definitely hurt, but you have to look past that.  This is about you and nobody else.  Good luck.

Ok so I have/had a close friend who turned frienemy! and well there is really nothing you can do. Usually its something personal in their life that is making them unhappy and that is getting projected onto you. You need to minimize exposure to this person. Once you have the surgery and all the emotions that go with it, you will not need anyone bringing you down. And that is exactly what she will do. Little snide comments like you have already noticed now. So just keep her distance, even if that means you have to miss a few events.

You have to put yourself first and not worry about her feelings as she is not worrying about yours. When it comes to telling people, I really didnt tell anyone through mass media (fb, phone calls, etc) I talked to everyone face to face and told them. That way the questions could be addressed then, I could explain my decision and my struggles. I haven't had any negative feedback and a lot of people are actually happy for me.

So thats what I did. Even told my frienemy :-)