Just need some encouragement! Coworker is bringing me down - long venting rant.

This made me think of the Wiz -- and Ease on Down the Road!  Thanks for bringing good advice and a fun memory to my day!

So sorry you are having a tough time.

My answer:  There is no way to "not care about it".  You do.  Accept that.

All you can really do is acknowledge that you did your best with the best intentions.  You know as well as I do that communication is a two way street.  What we say has to be heard.  What they hear is dependent on what they want to hear.  You can't control that part of the process.  

Humans are social animals.  We want to be accepted by our peers.  It hurts when that doesn't happen.  Let yourself feel the hurt, but remember at the end of the day that you are a good person who did everything they could to help a coworker in need.  Whether she sees that or accepts that is her business and none of yours.  Eventually, it will not hurt so much.

Sorry, I cant think of anything funny to say except maybe this:  Two Tears in A bucket, Mother **** it.  Old schools version of no crying over spilt milk.

LOL -- thanks Rob!  I had just read another of your posts yesterday about acknowledging and understanding feelings for what they are - -and I realized that what I feel is grief.  I am grieving the loss of this relationship and the change in my work environment.

Which, as absurd as it may sound, was a helpful epiphany.  I've dealt with grief and loss before so I can call on some experience there.  Having never dealt with the "mean girl" thing, I didn't understand what I was feeling or why.    Now, thanks to you and my other OH pals, I feel like I have a better handle on what's going on, and how to deal with it!

I'm heading back to work tomorrow, and since I've been gone my boss has hired back someone with whom I have had lots of problems in the past.  I am NOT looking forward to working with this woman again.  I know there will be conflict.  There's just something about her attitude that makes me afraid to confront her.  I'm hoping in the 2 years since she's been gone I have developed enough confidence in myself to stand up to her.  

Best of luck!  Maybe she will have developed some better interpersonal skills that will make it easier.  

When my son was little, he was being bullied some (preschool).  We had always told him to use his words, and not "hit", etc.  And as an only child, he didn't have a lot of experience negotiating problems when other kids would hit and not listen to his words -- so he was hating school.

Why am I telling you this?  Because when we took him to a psychologist, she told me something very important about bullies -- they can sense who will not "fight back", and they will continue to pick on that person.  So we enrolled our son in Karate, and told him to use his words, but if that didn't work, it was OK with us to fight back.  Not to start something, but to defend himself.

Keep up your confidence -- and keep in mind that sometimes standing up for yourself is what's needed!   Best of luck!

You do the same thing a lot of us do, me included.  Say there are 10,000 people in the world who think you're beautiful, smart, talented, capable, witty, generous, yadda yadda.  And ONE person who hates your guts, for whatever reason.  We focus on the ONE, and not the 10,000.  Why on earth do we do that?  Clearly the person is in the minority, doesn't think like the rest of the world, etc.

By far the best response to a passive-aggressive ***** like this is to ignore her. If you continue to try "working it out," you play into her desire to hurt you.  Essentially you're hurting yourself.  At this point, it's the frog and the scorpion story, trying to get across the river.  The scorpion convinces the frog to let him ride on his back to cross the river, even after the frog says "but you'll sting me" and receives assurances.  Sure enough, in the middle of the river, the scorpion stings the frog.  As they're both drowning, the frog says, "why did you do that? Now we're both going to die!"  And the scorpion says, "You knew I was a scorpion when I got on your back."

You can't just switch your feelings, of course, and decide not to care.  But you can ACT like you don't care.  My experience is, after a while your feelings will follow.  In the meantime, stay away from the scorpion.

Peace out!

Thanks!  I know that story, and I guess I just didn't want to apply it here, but you are correct.  You can't change a person's nature, and I can't let this one person bring me down.  

You might like another of my favorites -- there was a little bird who was injured, so he couldn't fly, and was freezing.. As he was sitting on ground, comtemplating his fate, a bull stops and drops a load of crap on him.  Well the load of crap warms him up, and he realizes that if he can just get out of the pile, he'll be able to fly.  A cat comes along and offers to pull him out -- and then eats him.  The moral -- not everyone who craps on you is your enemy, and not everyone who pulls you out of a pile of crap is your friend!

I am just catching up on here tonight. I do not like when people don't like me. Having said that...she is sucking your energy force with her behavior and your attempts at respecting her are (IMO) giving her negative behavior renewed life.  It is ok to move on. Stop acknowledging her. You can't make her a happy, respectful, or accountable person. I have a joke with my friends about people like your co-worker....."they go straight to the top of my prayer list"  That way my God can work on both of us at the same time. Lol. Blessings to you! 

Thanks!  Works for me!

MuttLover, you are a good person, and this petty woman does not get to derail you from your journey. She made the choice to turn things ugly, not you. I suggest not speaking with her at all unless it's for a specific work reason, and even then just keep things cool but professional.

if she actively tries to make your job more difficult, then you would be justified in calling her out for it. She may act like an infant, but she doesn't get to interfere with business.

Im really sorry you're dealing with this too. I'm really glad you have other people there to support you and believe in you. At this point she is just making herself look bad, but that's her problem, not yours.

Good luck, and hang in there! Don't let one crummy coworker undermine your self-esteem.