"I can do anything I set my mind to EXCEPT" and other random thoughts.

This post is going to be a big long ramble.

I was watching an episode of Extreme Weight Loss last night and the woman said that for years she said "I can do anything but lose weight."  That was so me--I achieved pretty much everything I wanted to in life, but I just could NOT keep my weight under control, and it was frustrating.  So, I'm feeling pretty good about my decision and the fact that, for the first time ever, I feel like I've gained enough control that I CAN keep my weight in check.

On the flip side, I gained a lb this morning.  I'm not sure why (I can assure you I did not have a 3500 calorie surplus, even if you add up the entire last 8 months--I always have a calorie deficit), BUT I am getting closer to goal and getting the last 7 or so lbs off is going to be a fight.  I also went back to work (at a school--crap food everywhere! but so far I've resisted) and I'm having a hard time getting into a good workout routine on my work days.  I think I've figured it out, but the first 2 weeks were not great.  Still, it is obvious to me that I'm going to have to bust my ass to get to goal.

Which makes me think about maintenance.  If I can eat less than 700 calories (often less than 600) and gain a lb, how the FRACK am I going to maintain this loss?  At this point, I'm actually more anxious about maintaining once I get to goal than getting to goal in itself (I always thing too far ahead, that is just a bad habit of mine--I was worried about plastics before I even had vsg, lol).  It just seems like I'm going to have to be super diligent forever, which I did expect in some ways, but I really thought that at some point I would be able to relax a bit (at least eat more than 600 calories/day) and be ok.  Is anyone maintaining at that low a calorie range?  Am I always going to have to either stick with that or deal with a gain (say, post my big 40th bday/10th anniversary trip to Hawaii next summer??).  

Other things on my mind:  I swear, as the fat has come off my body, so have a lot of the issues I used to carry around with me.  Throughout this process I've discovered that a lot of the crap I used to carry around with me (extended family drama) I just don't have room for, and I've set it down.  My crazy bi-polar sister?  Well, that sucks, but I've done what I can do and am focusing on myself and my immediate family.  All the guilt I feel about letting myself get so fat?  Yeah, I don't have time for that--I should just put that energy into getting to goal and maintaining.  I've just gotten really utilitarian when it comes to stuff like that--if I can't do anything about it, then I have to let it go.  I feel like the fat was a physical manifestation of all the issues I have carried around for the past 38 years, and as I've lost weight I've also been letting more and more of that go.  So that's good.  Part of what brought on this line of thinking was that same episode of Extreme Weight Loss--Chris was making the woman say she forgave herself over and over, and I started thinking about the shame and guilt that comes with weight gain and how unproductive it is.

Ok.  There's my ramble for today.  I now must go clear out some things from an area of my back yard, interact with my kids, and get my food/exercise plan for the week taken care of.  Hope you all are having a great weekend.

I have got to wonder how you can maintain on 600-700 cals a day for life unless you always and forever eat dense protein pretty much all the time. The last time I lost a bunch of weight (85 lbs) and got to a normal BMI, I kept it off for 8 long years. I had my regular old tummy and all that grehlin. I felt starving pretty much 24/7 and I ate 1000 calories a day to maintain that weight loss. If I ate more than 1000 calories, I'd gain. It was not healthy for my mentality because I didn't have a tiny tummy nor a lack of hunger. It sucked beyond words. I finally couldn't do it anymore and gained it all back plus a few more lbs. I lost a little over 100 lbs this time and got to the middle to lower end of a normal BMI. I'm guessing all the exercise I've done the last 5 years has finally paid off or some other miracle has happened because I can eat 1500-1800 calories a day and maintain 120-123 lbs at 5'4". I have no idea why. Did the VSG reset my metabolism? Did the exercise finally pay off? I don't know but I've been maintaining almost a year in that calorie range with no issues. I do exercise still in maintenance at least 3-4 days a week. Even when I was injured, I was doing some type of exercise (weights, boxing punches etc). 

I worry about things I have no control over, or that are in the distant future, too.  I've been wondering the same thing...am I going to have to maintain my weight at some rediculously low number?  Will I be able to keep up this vigilence forever?  I need to keep my thoughts on the here and now.  I'm having enough issues just being where I am today and doing what I need to do for myself right now.  I need to live in the present.

I wish us both luck.

Jane

I like your thoughts

I can SO identify with the "I can do anything but lose weight." statement!  I've really beat myself up over the fact that I've accomplished so many things but just can't seem to get a grip on this weight loss.  If I can be determined about everything else why can I not be determined about this?  So frustrating.  So now I'm determined to invest in this tool. Additionally, like you, I really have to learn to set down other people's issues.  I can't fix everyone and I shouldn't put my own health at risk by worrying about it. 

I hope you get some answers about your calorie intake.  You've done GREAT so far, congrats! 

~Angela

I think letting go of other people's s#!T, feeling like taking care of everyone else first- that's what got me here to begin with. You're doing amazing things, Sarah! I'm so proud of you and letting go is part of the process, to adapt to having your needs met first. Keep going! Ginger

Hey, there, Sarah. Thanks for your post. I'm thinking about a lot of the "mainenence" questions you are- and trying to work those issues out in the reality of it all. Can't say I've got any of it solved yet. The scale, which, if slowly, surely worked its way down consistently for 8 months ( and a year and a quarter before WLS) is now all over the place. What's causing it- who knows? What I do know, is that this time around I'm going to pay better attention and figure it out. No letting whatever dosen't work continue in practice. If that means that the rest of my life is spent eating fewer calories than most to maintain, then so be it. Guess it will just suck to be me. Bold words- will I have the courage and determination to make it happen? Time will tell- I would love to think I can eat 1400-1500 c a day. We'll see. Keep posting. I learn from you guys who, like me are trying to work out our maintence "salvation". Bonnie

boy, you and i must have been twins separated at birth!  I told dr. c this exact same stuff - that i could accomplish what ever i put my mind to but normal weight was the one thing i really wanted but couldn't have. He said yes i could and i believed him. it was a major tuning point in my life.

so getting close to goal is a scary time as is the first year or two after when you so fear regain and aren't sure how you are going to do this forever. the answer is one day at a time and as the days go by you will gain confidence.

i got to goal on 600 to 700 calories and gradually increased them which was harder than i thought will still eating the right stuff. I maintain on 1200 to 1400 per day which doesn't sound like much but it works for me. has for 3 years.

my hubby thinks his metabolism has sort of reset to a more normal level. he is maintaining at about 185 on 2000 calories . dang men - they get to eat more and sometimes i am jealous but gotta  do what i must.

you will find what works for you through trial and error like we all do in maintenance. then you get sort of a routine discovered and go with it.

yesterday we went to a labor day party and people raved about hubby's and my weight loss even though they have seen it before . i pigged out on guacamole and half a berry tart and a few things i should have skipped. today its back to the routine and maybe a protein drink.   life is good. you can do this.  d