And so it begins...

I'm nearly at my one year surgiversary. We all talk about the journey, and a journey it truly is. But as I find myself at "goal," I feel another journey beginning. This one is more about getting the head to match the body, rather than the body to match the ideal in the head.

Friends and family say I look great, and they repeatedly ask when enough will be enough. Truth is, I don't know. I'm at my goal of 160, but part of me has been itching to push the envelope to get to 145. As I look in the mirror each day, I still see a big girl staring back at me. I've convinced myself that the ONLY way I'm shopping from the size small sections of the store is that the planet has gone through some bizarre space/time continuum that has morphed sizes lol. It still shocks the crap out of me that I wear a size six in pants, and a small in tops.

But last night, I caught a glimpse. Last night I took a near body length photo of myself, and I look skinny! In fact, my shoulders and face almost look a bit too thin. Maybe, just maybe, I'll be able to come to some realistic understanding of the way others see me. Because that's really what I want to know. When I'm walking down the street, or in a mall....am I perceived as a big girl...a fat woman...or chubby...or am I just seen as "normal?"

So while I work to maintain my weight now, or lose a bit more...or fine tune my body...I think the new journey is now perception and acceptance.

I amstill in the middle of my journey and have wondered when I will stop seeing the fat girl inthe mirror. I'm glad to hear I'm "normal". Congratulations on maintaining!

Photos do help, don't they?  I still see the same old fat belly in the mirror that I've always seen.  When I tried on my first pair of size 8 pants, I chalked it up to vanity sizing.  Even when people tell me how good I'm looking I figure they're just being polite; after all, some of them complimented me when I was at my highest weight too!

But then I see a photo of myself and it's easier to see what others do.  I know in my head that what I think I see in the mirror isn't real, but I still go there.  Maybe it's time we both stick a picture of ourselves on the mirror to remind us what we really look like!

This issue can be a real can of worms for some people. It was for me. Okay, it still is, but I'm working on it and believe I have made a lot of progress.... (could be the surgery date!!!!! check it out, we're exactly a year apart! LOL) But in all seriousness......

I have the same issue. My head is still not accepting the reality of my body. I look at myself each and everyday in the mirror to help the process along. Pictures help the most for some reason.

I decided to gain back some weight because at 170 I was just a tad too thin. (I couldn't really see it, but this is what I was told by those I truly trusted). Problem was I didn't stop exactly at the 5-8 pounds I wanted to gain back! So I'm now in the process of slowly, slowly taking those extra pounds off.

It is very good that you are looking at maintenance as a journey, too. I have had more realizations about myself and my eating and my food issues since being in "maintenance" than I did during my WL stage. Just keep focused and committed to the process. Stay connected to your supports and keep your head in the game. You'll do just fine.

"This one is more about getting the head to match the body, rather than the body to match the ideal in the head."

This really hits the nail on the head, IMO. Thank you for sharing. I am nowhere near my goal weight, but I am looking in the mirror, even at pictures, and seeing the same 280 lb person staring back at me. It truly is a mindfuck, and through people like yourself sharing your stories, I pretty much know I am not going to wake up one day and "see" myself as I truly am. It is a process and I need to work at it. Even though my journey is still in weight loss mode, I am trying to work on perception and acceptance as well.

It takes a while.......it's fine tuning from here on out and you have time to settle in to a comfort zone of mind and body.....

Most of us don't know what it's like to be at our end weight range.

Try not to stress on it..... just know that these issues are much more enjoyable than being the weight you used to be......

I think one of the most important things you can do weight wise, is to settle in on a weight...... and hold it rock solid for a year.

At the end of that year you pretty much know what kind of lifelong path is ahead of you.....

frisco