Thanks, father-in-law

On Monday, my husband and I returned from a helllish trip to Southern California, where both our families live (mine in San Diego, his in LA). While we were there, my father-in-law looked at me challengingly and said: "Time will tell whether you can lose the weight and keep it off." WTF? How do you respond to something like that? The man is extremely body-conscious and actually BRAGGED about losing 50 pounds in three weeks ... due to pancreatic cancer. Not exactly something to be happy about, in my opinion. Okay, I'm done venting. :)

best response? Doit,lose it. And keep it off. 

His comment was so hostile.  I'm not sure how to respond. 

I am taking a class in Nonviolent communication, and they stress examining situations to identify the feelings on both sides and then identify what each person needs.   I can see your side well - I would guess you need (and deserve) to be respected for your hard work, and you feel hurt that his comment is undermining your success.  What was he feeling and needing? Its not so clear to me.  Perhaps he was feeling threatened by your success.  Perhaps he needed to feel respected for his physical appearance especially with his failing health (hence the bragging about losing 50 pounds due to illness.)  The jist of Nonviolent communication is to respond to the persons feelings and needs, even when they express it in a hostile or unsympathetic way. I am certainly not good at it, but I am intrigued by the idea. 

He is speaking from his own vulnerability and woundedness.  Don't let his woundedness affect your mood.  You are doing great.  You have your health and youth and wonderful potential for a bright future.  This is his problem, not yours. 

blessings,

Carol

Great response.  It is not fun when someone says something like this.  We need to be confident in ourself and understand that these comments are a reflection of the person saying them, not us.  

Thanks, Carol. That puts a lot of things in perspective. He was kind of a jerk the entire time we spent with him. I know he's not feeling well and my husband asked me to cut him some slack, but there's only so far that takes him. I have definitely heard of nonviolent communication and would like to check it out ...

Hmmm, well I guess we can all say that time will tell all sorts of things but what value does a comment like that have??  Not much.  You've put both feet in to achieving a goal for good health and he just may be challenged by that.  It's hard to understand where he's coming from but you likely have a better inkling of that than we do.  No worries!  You are on your own journey and he can share in it by supporting you or sit on the sidelines by doubting you.  His choice.  Either way you're doing what you're doing so just keep going!!

You know the best way to disarm these type of ******** is to agree with them - seriously!   You just look at them, shrug your shoulders and say, "you're absolutely right" and then walk away.   He WANTS to get you upset, he WANTS you to get all flustered and disagree with him and start an argument.   When you agree there's nothing more he can say.  

And then you go forward and DO IT and prove him wrong -- because he's obviously waiting for you to fail.  What a dick 

I agree with Tracy 100% you tell her tracy!!! :-)

♡ Kelly

100% percent agree with the above :) Sadly, sometimes people will say things to intentionally hurt or put doubt in your mind. A lot of the time, its their own issues and insecurities, that make them lash out on others. You are doing an AWESOME job and you will be successful, no body can take that from you 

Tracy, why didn't I think of that???? I just stood there dumbfounded, not knowing what to say or do. This is the same man who told me I was fat at Thanksgiving years ago. Let me tell you, that was one jacked-up holiday.