So tired! The next leg of my journey.

OHHHHH, I just read a fascinating article about a new eating disorder based on these new "shoulds" that are everywhere.  In fact, there is a push to have it included in the DSM-5.  I'm positively besotted by food guilt.  Is it organic, ethical, healthy, environmentally sound, sustainable, ad nauseum.  

Wow "listen to my body and my soul."  I feel so disconnected from my soul . . a complete disconnect is going on with me.  I can't even feel my emotions anymore.  They are too dangerous.  Whew, this is deep doo doo.

Hi

i have struggled with some of the issues you mentioned.  I am almost three years out and am 20 lbs shy of goal and may never make it there.  But I am content and at peace at my current weight.  Am i skinny - no - but i look nice in clothes and am at a "normal" weight / size.  I still have great restriction and not too much hunger.  My biggest accomplishment is that I am at the same weight today as I was two years ago on this date.  I have not in my adult life been able to maintain my weight.  So I love my sleeve.

i find with my eating I need to watch my choices but I certainly eat many "non plan" items on a weekly basis.  I don't go too crazy but definitely eat things that I would not consider diet food.  With this style of eating I don't feel deprived.  To reach goal I'd have to go "old school" and really strictly diet.  And I think I would struggle to maintain the lowere weight.  My body has settled in at a weight I was in my early twenties and I think it is one that I don't have a hard time maintaining particularly with much significantly reduced capacity and reduced hunger.  This may change when I am further out but I hope not.

So where I am going with my ramblings is - is there a weight that you think that you could more easily maintain?  One that you don't have to be in a constant battle with?  Those white jeans you wore in the pic a long way back - that looked fabulous - may not fit - but ones the next size or two bigger would still look great.  I know some may not agree with this way of thinking but for me I don't have the energy to be " fighting" with my body.  When some things calm down in my life I may re focus and try to reach goal but right now I have learned to be pleased with my accomplishments and be happy that I am healthy, active, can shop in regular stores and where the same size from season to season.

Good luck with finding your peace.

stephanie

Right on Stephanie!! I agree with what you said 100%! I too, so far am maintaining easily within a 5 pound struggle free range. Same clothes and feel great. I watch what I eat and how much but I do allow myself to eat everything. I do weigh daily and if this way of living stops working I will see it and make adjustments but right now it is great!

One of the things the psych talked to me about was the European style of life vs. the American. I don't remember the entire conversation very well, but the gist of it is that the western European cultures appreciate the culture, beauty, sensuality and social aspects of food and eating more than the American culture. Here food has even become competitive - so many TV shows with cooking competitions, baking contests, etc... We focus in on portion size, not quality.

I shall see where my more relaxed view on eating takes me. For now I am doing what I know works for me and I can follow and still lose a few pounds. My hope is to hit maintenance and follow the model both you and Stephanie set forth.

I really, really firmly believe that "we" as Americans have a VERY warped view of eating in general compared to Europe and Asia.

I have spent a fair amount of time in both Europe and Asia, getting to experience "home life" as they live it.

There are many differences, but the one of the things I'll mention that I have adopted for a more "relaxed view on eating" is VERY European/Asian.

Daily food shopping..... Yes, very hard to do that here as our society is really not set-up for it. Were all about Big Box mega marts here to buy bulk tonnage to "think" we got a better deal.

It is sooo awesome to see all the smaller markets/vendors selling fresh daily goods to the people! It's like farmers market every single day.

I'm in the middle of changing my business location and one of the reasons is so I can be a few blocks away from my favorite market.... The Berkeley Bowl. I'm so into the daily shopping thing at such a great store for both for my cooking/eating and for a food/cooking project I'm working on.

This is how relaxed my shopping was for tonight's dinner...... Wow, pencil asparagus look great..... I think I'll get a pork chop to go with it! Done and out of the store in less than 5 minutes and $4 for awesome quality fresh food !

Let's talk....

frisco

I just read that memoir that was just published -- "It was me all along".*  It's the memoir of a person who lost 135lb (largely with weigh****chers it seems), but she talks about she wasn't able to transform her relationship until she spent 6 months in Italy.  Perhaps we all need to go spend 6 months in Italy!!

*The book isn't very good, by the way.  She glosses over all the hard work she had to do to create a healthier relationship with food -- which I found disappointing, as that's the path I'm trying to get on and thus appreciate the insight of my fellow OH'ers and anyone who has been successful.  Including you, kaiak!!

Hi Stephanie,

You are talking exactly about what I am trying to achieve. Like I mentioned, I have been dealing with all these damn "shoulds" instead of dealing with what I know in my heart will work for me. The more I seem to fight to do the "right thing" the farther away from that idea I seem to get because I rebel! So instead I am really working with eating in a way that actually works for me while still losing a bit of weight.

I have hope that with continued attention I will get to that peaceful place I seek. I'm feeling very confident that allowing myself to live in reality rather than the "on plan - off plan" mentality is going to be the key.

BTW, the white jean pic is a completely doable weight. I still have those jeans, but they are too tight - button-able, but too tight. I'm about 12 or 15 pounds from that weight. My goal is to get to that weight and decide from there where to land and stay. A big deal for me was going from the summer of 2012 to the summer of 2013 and pulling out the same shorts and being able to wear them! My desire is to do that year after year after year - even if it's at this weight I am today (though I rather be the white jean weight!).

Thanks for chiming in. I appreciate your point of experience and I admire and aspire to your feeling of contentment!

I am glad I dropped in tonight and didn't miss this post. I am hoping that you find peace in your relationship with food. Your team is right, Americans are so used to having everything "super sized" that normal portions are considered way to small. We have been conditioned to accept this as normal even though it is the cause of many food related problems. I am so glad you have a medical posse to help you out.

I know what you mean about the "war" I feel battle scared too. I have discovered that working from home can actually present some interesting eating challenges. Between this new job, and the trip to my daughter's over Christmas break, I did gain a few pounds to many. It was way to easy to just go with the flow. Now, back to the fight.

I salute you in this battle, our sleeves are like our shields, we just have to keep them up and ready. Carry on and keep up the good fight.

I have a personal trainer as part of my team. She is part trainer, part counselor (social work is in her background) and she has struggled with weight and body image issues (never tell looking at her though). I tell her about everything that bothers me, when I get in a "mood" at home, what I see when I look in the mirror and where I want to go. She makes sure my exercise program matches with my goals. It is not cheap (I pay about $500 a month) for 3 sessions a week but to me it is worth every penny. Her and her husband make themselves available to me at anytime and it really helps.