About expectations, control and serenity

on 2/15/16 10:41 am - Granada Hills, CA

When I was early out, the most important thing to me was losing weight, losing it fast, etc. Though I wasn't that obsessed, stalls irritated me. After all, I had surgery to lose the weight fast, right??? I was irritated even though thousands of people warned of the stalls and how they too would pass. My irritation prevented me from having a mental and emotional serenity and we all know, the more irritated and frustrated we are, the more food obsessions plague us (for most of us anyways)  

Fast forward to now - I'm dropping my expectations. Yes, I am trying to lose weight, but rather than walk around with the attitude that it better happen on my terms, I have more faith and trust in my plan. Control - I had to learn the hard way. I DO NOT have control over the scale. When I "thought" I did - I had zero serenity. As I come to realize I only have control over what I eat, when I eat, how much I eat and why I eat - I could spend more time focused on that. And guess what - the result is I have peace. A true inner kind of peace that I've been searching for my whole life (but I've had to apply this thought process to every other area of my life - like work, family, relationships, etc ). 

The more peace I have, the less I think about and obsesses about food, and the less I turn to food to fix things. I see so many posts about frustrations with the whole weight loss process - almost, in my opinion, unnecessary frustration. I'm just sharing my thoughts in the event that it helps even one person. Drop the expectations , separate what you can and cannot control and you'll find just a little more peace. 


Heres my favorite quote from AA - it applies to so many things. 


"My serenity is inversely proportional to my expectations. The higher my expectations of other people are, the lower is my serenity. I can watch my serenity level rise when I discard my expectations. But then my 'rights' try to move in, and they, too, can force my serenity level down. I have to discard my 'rights,' as well as my expectations, by asking myself, How important is it, really? How important is it compared to my serenity, my emotional sobriety'? And when I place more value on my serenity and sobriety than on anything else, I can maintain them at a higher level - at least for the time being."

www.sexyskinnybitch.wordpress.com - my journey to sexy skinny bitch status

11/16/12 - Got my Body by Sauceda - arms, Bl/BA, LBL, thigh lift. 

HW 420/ SW 335 /CW 200    85 lbs lost pre-op / 135 post op


on 2/15/16 12:36 pm

Very well said. It's a difficult balance. 


Thanks for posting-I've read it 3x already in hopes it sinks in :)

on 2/15/16 12:43 pm - Green Cove Springs, FL
VSG on 05/27/15

Word. Thank you for framing your thoughts.

Age: 64; 5' 5"; High weight: 345; Start weight: 271 (01/05/15); Surgery weight: 218 (05/27/15); Pre-Op (-53); M 1 (-18); M 2 (-1.5); M 3 (-13.5 ); M 4 (-13); M 5 (- 8); M 6 (-12) M 7 (-5, Xmas); M 8 (- 9) Under surgeon's goal and REACHED HEALTHY BMI 12/07/15!! (Six months and one week.) AT GOAL month 8. Maintaining at goal range (139- 144) ~ four (4) years !!

Linda B.
on 2/20/16 12:15 pm - CO
VSG on 09/13/12

Well said. This is so powerful that you should re-share it periodically, just like Frisco does with his Pyloric Valve post.

high weight 230 start of journey weight 217 surgery weight 191 current weight 138

Anne O.
on 8/5/16 10:05 am - Jacksonville, FL
Revision on 06/30/16

Pyloric valve post? I'd like to see that.


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