Reflecting on Support Group Meeting-Long

Wednesday night driving home from Dr.C's San Jose support group meeting I had a chance to digest what went down.......

 

First I have to say I have never been a club/group kinda guy...... I'm the private Artist type.... never joined up to any professional orgs, interest groups ect.

When I mention to family and friends that I'm going to a support group meeting....... there like..... ahhh...OK..... that's different ! I also have to say I didn't go to any pre-op LapSF meetings and didn't attend my first support group meeting till 7 or 8 months out.
Even participating here on OH is out of my character.

 

Reflecting on the meeting.......

 

- There were a couple of big dudes there looking into surgery.....and I knew how they felt being that big! And how I felt being that big.....disgusted and frustrated with myself.

 

- How lucky we are to have the Surgeon run the meeting..... This guy does not go home at 5PM.... He is obviously dedicated to his craft. I know he goes to other cities also .... north....south..... east and Hawaii.

 

- I'm only one of his many (thousands) patients and he actually remembers who I am... I'm not just a body that was laying down on his operating table.

 

- Elina's questions were well answered and made sense to us non medical folk.

 

- All sleeves are not created equal..... Dr.C makes his a certain way based on his experience and results. (not bashing any other surgeons cause I'm sure they have personalized there procedure also if they have done enough of them)

 

- His reasons for the 32f Bougie and his explanation of how sleeve expansion increases exponentially over time with larger diameter bougie sizes was quite a shock to me and probably the rest of us who understood.

 

- He wanted to have "New Years Resolutions" as a topic of discussion....... I was thinking...... geez....I lost this weight so I would not have to make another "This year I'm gonna lose 100 pounds starting the first Monday of the year and fail at it again"

But..... his point was how important "Goals" were....... This Dr. Dude got me to voice out loud what I only thought inside. (I know .... Phycho babble!)

Personal and professional goals as an Obese (Super Morbidly Obese in my case) person are very hard to obtain. It made me remember when I was younger and less overweight.... that I was a freaking go-getter! I was VERY GOAL orientated and made great advancements. Than older and heavier, I became complacent and my weight was holding me back.

As an obese person my self esteem, self image, self worth all gradually went down as my weight went up.

My point to Dr.C was that it took me many years for me to decline to a point where setting goals were not very realistic and in one year you can't just undo what it took all those years to create.

 

So..... what does that all mean......It means that I now have a "New Years Resolution" As a person now of "normal" weight (I never thought I would be able to say that in my lifetime!)..... I need my mind to catch up with my body! I realize I "can" set some new goals for myself that are completely obtainable !!!

 

- It also means I got several thousand dollars worth of therapy at a WLS support group meeting in a trailer in San Jose.

 

- Some of us chatted with this 20yo guy who came to learn about WLS. He was about 6'4'' and I think he said around 375 (probably more like 400....big boy) He is a great kid and I hope he goes through with WLS........ So hear this.... He starts telling me.... well ya know.... I'm half Italian..... and I love my pasta and lasagna....... I show him my before pics on my iPhone..... his jaw drops and looks closer..... and I say "do you think I don't love pasta and lasagna....do you think I got this big by eating to many carrots?"

Than I said.... look at me.... I'm Asian... do you think your pasta and lasagna is more important to you than rice and noodles are to me????? and his face wrinkled up and he said.... you gotta point!

 

- I also realize that in the big picture I still have a long ways to go...... I don't think I can really claim success till I have had my weight under control for 3-5 years. Don't get me wrong... I'm thrilled with my sleeve and my progress..... but I feel like I'm only on step 2 of a 10 step process.

- I can't say that I will go to every support group meeting ......But I now know they are beneficial to the process and if your program includes support groups.... take advantage of them..... just another way to keep your head in the game.

frisco
 

I'll bet you really helped the Italian guy.

Frisco, it sounds to me like you are bound to succeed in the long run because you realize it isn't just about getting to goal - the  long run really is the LONG run and we need to give ourselves time to get there.

course it's going to vary, but I think as a very general thing, peeps are going to have a harder time further out. the physical changes are easier than the mind stuff, but that has to be done.

congrats on trying something new & going to a group!

That is really cool, Frisco.  Most of the groups that I have been to around here (and the one that I started and tried to facilitate) the times I went were just like sick meetings - I mean, they just pissed and moaned about what they could not eat, what they did eat and are now wearing, why their body was "doing this to them." Its easier to deal with on the interwebs because you have block and logoff! 

Thank you for sharing!  I know its helpful for HEALTHY (mentally) people to be at a group to be a reality check, and kind of like being here on OH, it really helps keep me grounded about who I am and why I actually needed to end up being here!

I know those men really appreciated what you had to share!  I know I do, and I appreciate your being dilligent, truthful, and kind.

So there.

I like your post so much, Frisco. I can relate to the not being a joiner thing. I've never been to a LapSF support group and OH is the only online group I've ever participated in. But I know it's really, really important to me. Maybe I'll come to the next one in San Jose, just get my head into the drive and go. Especially since Dr. Jossart has left, I should get to know Dr. C.

Anyway, I've said before: I think you WILL succeed because you are not taking ANY of it for granted. The long term is forever and since we all agree we will never be "normal", having friends who are going through it together is so important. I'm finding it's actually MORE important rather than less the further out I am because it's easy to start thinking like I'm normal, and then the bad habits come rushing back...

Lizanne

If you do decide to come to San Jose, let us know.  I would love to meet you and would not want to miss that meeting.  Also, if you drive all this way maybe we can all do something before or after the meeting.  I am not sure how far away you are, but let me know if you need a place to stay after the meeting. 

Where is the San Jose meeting anyway? I'll figure out how far it is. I'm actually closer to Petaluma but I don't think I know anybody who goes to that one and really, 3/4 of the reason I'd come would be to meet you all!

Lizanne

It is at the Good Samaritan Hospital on Samaritan Dr.  It is in a trailer behind the hospital.  If you will let us know you are coming I will try to pull the gang together at my house before or after and make it more festive.  I would love to meet you too and I am sure the others feel the same way.  If it is too far to drive in one day, let me know and we will work it out.. 

Well, according to Yahoo Maps, it's 68 miles, 1 hour 12 minutes. Of course, during traffic I suspect it would be at least an hour and a half. But that's not too bad! So we'll make it happen soon!

Lizanne

Frisco, you are right, we are very lucky to have the support group we have.  To have Dr. C there is incredibly helpful, but we also seem to have formed a core group of dedicated sleevers who are all on the same page when it comes to maintaining.  I too have never been a joiner.  My husband looks at me with a funny expression whenever I tell him I am going to group and this is the only on line community that I have ever belonged too.  But I realize that having you and the others here and at the group is a huge part of my future success.  I am really surprised at how much I crave this camaraderie.  The 20 year old kid was precious.  I hope he goes through with the VSG.  You really helped him.

Setting goals is huge, HUGE.  I am still thinking about it, it's been a while since I had goals that did not center around my weight.  I feel so successful in many areas of my life, but I think for a while now I have just been coasting.  It might be time to make some noise again. 

Excellent  post Frisco. I am always amazed at how Dr. C and previously Dr. J will drive all the way to our remote area and do their support group sometimes for not that many people. And Dr. C always gets an excellent discussion going even if people are slow to talk.   Besides my modified stomach, the true gift I got from Dr. C was that he convinced me I could really do this and have a life at normal weight. As a person overweight since childhood (can't remember not being chubby) with only brief times in  my life where i starved down to a semi normal weight for about 15 minutes, this was a really important thing. I am a go getter too and nothing stops me when i really want to accomplish something but the weight thing was the one thing I could never conquer. Until now.

Dr. C says studies show that people with longer term follow up and support do better than those without it so its important to all of us to take advantage of whatever support and follow up we can get. I am lucky to have what I have (course I paid for it but worth every cent) with lapsf.  Sometime I hope I will be down in the bay area and get to the San Jose or SF support group and meet some of you all.

So kind of you to help the Itallian kid. We should all take every opportunity to pay it forward and support each other. Make that your new years resolution - to help someone else with this.  Great thoughts. Diane