A Ton of Bricks

OK, deep breath, this will go over like a ton of bricks.  While reading the recent post about soda drinker from the main board, my blood sorta boiled, sorta.  None of us "has arrived", none of us are perfect.  People struggle with different demons, why would we think we're somehow above them?  Why is it a them and us issue?  We don't know if the poster will do well with her sleeve or not, that's between her and her doctor.  We need to encourage folks, not tear them down.   I don't care if you're three days, three months or three years out.   As Archie Bunker said "I ain't better then nobody".  Be careful when you think you stand, lest you fall.
Marie

An unfortunate thing, also is that she was given those directions by her nutritionist.

It is true, its not for anyone to proclaim that anyone will succeed or fail, people can do amazing things when they decide to.  We can surely surmise based on continuing behaviors, but nobody knows. 

But, also, from someone who says she does not have time to be on the main board, then you have a way different reference point than someone who has been working on being active over there.

Which is not to say your point is not valid, its only to say - you have a different point of view and your frustration tolerance is higher when you have not been wading in it all day.

And of course - its our choice to wade or not wade.  Stay, go, block, dont open, dont read, whatever. 

People lived and did not live before this group of humans in maintenance, and will live and not live after this group of humans in maintenance is doing something else. 

*shrug*

I feel I must confess:

As some of you know, I am one of the ones that did it my way.  I tried to make changes for life, things I knew I could live with.  I could have complied better and definately would have lost faster.  But I did it my way.

I got down to 142 lbs and a BMI of 19.5 lbs, 13 lbs under goal.  While I was walking 3-4 miles a day I could maintain that weight and eat almost anythng I waned to.  Then I got sick, I stopped walking, and starting gaining.  When I got to 155 lbs, a BMI of 21.3 I pulled way back and cut back, realizing I could not eat the same as when I was exercising.

So all this to say, am I a failure for doing it my way or a success?  I am definately by anyones standards a success.  It is only me that 'wants' to be lower, I don't 'need' to be lower.  I am an outstanding success in spite of gaining 13 lbs, I still have a low BMI at 21.3.

I did it my way, I still am.  I have to live with myself.  Here is a list of what I have done:

I still:
-  eat mainly protein
-  eat 3 meals a day and a snack sometimes
-  don't drink with my meals, unless we are eating out
-  rarely drink alchohol
-  rarely, and never at home, have bread, buns, rice, pasta or potatoes
-  don't keep junk food, treats and desserts in my house
-  watch what I eat on a daily basis
-  weigh myself daily

What I don't do anymore:
-  exericise
-  refrain from drinking diet coke ( I drink several a day, it is my sweet treat)
-  count carbs or calories

So doing it my way worked really really well for me.  The only time I wish I had done it in a more compliant way is when I think how I burned out by the time I got to goal.  I did not have it in me to keep in the diet mentality long enough to stay at 142 and ultimately get to 140 lbs.  But I sure did not fail because of it.

It is incredible how much I have changed.  I am still making changes to allow my body to maintain, I make adjustments all the time.  Because I am not well I do nothing, no form of exercise whatsoever, I rarely leave the house, and because of this I have to leave out my treats both healthy and unhealthy ones, stay away from alcohol, etc...

I am a success story, and I did not do it the way some other maintainers did. 

I am so crazy proud of all of us for being here, for doing what we do for ourselves and others.  Hopefully we can all find a happy medium where we participate enough to assist, but not so much that we get frustrated.

Cindy

you are a wise and beautiful woman Miss Cindy.  Blessings to you.

For me, it's totally not a question of us vs. them or of judging anyone else's journey. The longer out I get, the more I realize that we are all very different and what one person's body and psyche can handle is going to be absolutely different than the next person's. I really don't care if someone is drinking flat diet soda at xxx days/weeks/months out. If it works (and it might be just fine), then all well and good. If it doesn't, they will need to make changes. It's their life, their journey, their program.

I'm learning that figuring this out in the very long term is a much different kettle of fish than what things people eat or don't eat in the short term and requires far, far more than following a written program that describes a best case scenario that people can follow for a while, but probably not forever without customization.

So I do feel that for ME, at 4+ years out, the support that I need is different than what I could get on the main board--and I DO need support because, as you say, I don't consider myself arrived and I'm far from perfect.  I don't particularly get frustrated when I do read main board posts, but it's not helpful. So, my point to Frisco is that we are still here to receive (and give) support, but if reading newbie posts is so frustrating that he, or anyone, leaves OH, that's a big loss. It's throwing the baby out with the bath water, and I've seen it happen A LOT.

It's all part of figuring out what we need and can tolerate and can give back individually...
Lizanne

 I couldn't have said it better!!!

 My Hero!  Love ya Mikey.

It's really not about a "better than them" or "holier than thou" attitude. It's that sometimes I have to realize that everyone else is not saveable(spell check). I can't and won't be another human's life preserver. No one is dooming her/them to failure. I got horrible advice from a nutritionist, logic overruled her suggestion/advice and I took her advice to my surgeon and said "this is what the other medical professional your patients are being referred to are being told to do."

I just don't bother with the idiocy. Sorry, it's true, and I take that path in many aspects of my life, not just VSG.

I'm far from perfect, I drink soda, alcohol, eating fairly intuitively which is everything opposite of other very successful VSG patients. And, I am NOT naive enough to believe that I won't regain, or that I won't in some other person's eyes fail miserably. What I do know is that I do not have the patience nor desire to explain to people that their stomach being removed is only a tiny part of the equation. The rest is up to logic, common sense, a good support system, and the guidance of well-educated medical professionals.

 
That wasn't a ton a bricks...... maybe a small stone at best.....

Here is the deal.....In this case it wasn't solely the soda drinker, although it sounded like she has read both opinions prior to posting yet chose the soda route....so she knew that it was an "issue".

The soda drinker said it was approved by her nut.......this makes it "approved" by her surgeon......the surgeons nut represents the surgeon. Any employee/vendor of mine.....represents me and my business.

My frustration is not isolated to this one event.........It's a whole trend that seems to have blossomed.

Like many vets here I get an increasing number of PM's with questions that spread the range. I try and help everyone if I can..... I don't claim to be any kind of expert. Many back and forth PM's and phone calls which has been enjoyable and rewarding when you see someone you helped do well.

Soda, chicken wings, popcorn...... go for it.......after you heal.....I guess I am over sensitive to people hurting themselves.

Generally speaking...... you will find that the early offenders (not all) will tend to be the ones that struggle. Your right.... I don't know if the soda drinker will do well or not........I can tell you I think she is in for a battle and with a nut like that I hope she can do it.

Demons..... we all have/had them.....you don't get to the point of needing WLS without them.

Maybe where we differ is the term "support"..... I think it is VERY UN-SUPPORTIVE and very un-productive to put whip cream on horse poop.(I coulda said ****)

Telling a person eating chicken wings 6 days out...... "It's OK...were all human"..... Sorry..... I don't see that as supportive or productive in any way......

You wanna hear "not perfect" stay tuned for my 2 year post.

Soda.... I drink em every so often.....heck... had a diet coke Sat nite at the Meet-Up.....didn't have my first sip of soda till over a year out.... but I drink em.....even though my doc says never. I only drink them when I know I have an open pyloric valve.....

The bottom line is that for the most part I agree with you...... None of us has Arrived !!!!

As for support and what this forum is all about....... "Give more than you take"

frisco

"even though my doc says never"

He doesn't say never any more though. Two meetings ago he said "not for the first  year."

So I think you are off the hook.