1stReneeMarie
Ok I am asking....I am pleading...I am praying
Dec 16, 2009
So.....people,you..... all say...we are here for you, you have friends,just ask, reach out!!! Buh humbug....NOT!!! I am so fricken sad and lonely. I am now facing cervical surgery through my throat! On Monday I am being set up for Thoracic epidural injections and then on to THORACIC surgery that requires my chest to be opened and my lungs collasped he said and go in that way,and I am ALONE! I am always alone!!!! And I am always so scared.No one to share a cup of coffe with or have dinner for, or go shopping with or make a decision with. This PC is not a friend. It can not bring you a flower,a card, hold my hand,remeber your damn birthday,hug me, cry with me, go to lunch or church with me and yet I run ro it each and every day, looking for love,comfort,happiness,joy,and a sense of feeling complete and whole and it is all hogwash. EVERYONE seems to have a husband or boyfriend or girlfriend or someone!!!! WHAT IS SO BAD AND WRONG WITH ME???? It is almost unthinkable that I am not suicidal.I am not...I want to live and be happy and have fun and live life to the fullest and I search and seek and look and wait.BUT.... I seem to drag the bottom of utter abyss every day and not a soul cares about me.And if they some how do it is something that seems to be of a great effort for God's sake. WHY????? Even my own daughters seem to just tolerate me and pretend to care cause it's there job! They act like ....they HAVE to care. BUT they don't!Like a doctor who barely seems to listen or care. Just ask the questions like a robot or a machine.I don't need help I need someone.!!!!!!To care,love me, need me,want me.I have so much to offer. I have so much inside of me to share with someone. I try and try and try and try and try till I am blue in the face to reach out,help others,show them the real unconditional love,affection and admiration that I have in my heart and people are so shallow and callous and surface and fake and mean and ruthless and phoney as hell.They are short,talk to you like your a piece of trash in the street. Speak to you as if you the most disgusting thing on the planet.They don't know how to show respect or even what it is. Yet they do not ike that exact same kind of treatment when it is happening to them. I send cards,I call. I don't get cards, I don't get calls.Jesus Christ, I am a very nice, good, caring, loving,do any damn thing for that I possibly can and I am so tired of hurting and being shit on and pretending that I am not heart broken and torn and bruised to the bone. I am physically in sooooooooooooooo much pain and people ask, so, how are you? PPpfffff they really don't care, they are too busy to really listen and if they do or read this, they roll their eyes or,huff me off under their breath or start whining about something utterly irrelevant to what I am saying as if they didn't hear a damn word I ever said.What makes it even worse????Is when I simply can no longer take anymore and I blow up then THAT IS ALL THEY SEE AND HEAR! THEN the JUDGEMENTAL HARSH BULLSHIT GETS EVEN WORSE!
WHY?????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????
5 Comments
About Me
Pataskala, OH
Location
29.2
BMI
Surgery
04/01/2009
Surgery Date
Jan 27, 2009
Member Since
