Why do I even write here? What's the point?

Jun 09, 2010

So ok...STILL only 106 at 14 months post-op. What ever.
And I have this shittty attitude about a lot of stuff but yet I know I am blessed in oh soo soo many ways! But I am so bitter at all of you who I read about your stories then there is that one little part that just kills me........
WE-US-MY HUBBY-MY OTHER HALF. WHAT IN THE HELL IS OH SO FRICKEN WRONG WITH ME??? Granted I don't get out much to find some one and know I do not think that the UPS man will just bring me one or he will show up in the mail. I have come to a junction,a road, a place in life where I hurt so bad in my heart and I have no one to yell at me or hold me or talk to or pay bills with or lay next to......for the love of GOD I am screaming inside!
But...... as for me I am scheduled for the next spinal surgery June 15th at OSU Medical center in Columbus and I don't even know now if that will happen as I woke yesterday with a very very sore throat and the green shit coughing up and neck swollen. So I guess we will see what happens. I don't know if I should wait and see how I feel the morning of or call them now!
My daughters are both doing well in College.One is in OSU and the other at COTC and all the grandkids are doing well. Seeeeeeee, I have so very much to be thankful for . So many others are suffering and have bigger troubles than I but it doesn't change how I am feeling.
I am not looking for a pity party.
But I just can be all giddy and bubbly and ooogly goooogly la la la.
I want to ride a Harley again. I want my brother Joe to call and tell me it was all a bad dream and he didn't die with his hands needing to be pryed off the handlebars of that beautiful Harley.
Oh well.....it is what it is.

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