just jacie
11/23/2006
Nov 23, 2006
Happy Thanksgiving!
I am just about 13 weeks out from surgery right now, and yesterday I noticed the "head hunger" coming back. These last two days all I have wanted to do is EAT! It's 10am and I already had 1/2 a bowl of oatmeal and now I am just sitting here wishing I could have some popcorn! Bleh. Maybe I should go back to my protein drinks for a while. Maybe I am getting too caught up in food. I'm starting to worry a little bit. I've had it relatively easy up until this point and I'm worried that this is where the hard work starts. Oooh boy. I can do it.
I am just about 13 weeks out from surgery right now, and yesterday I noticed the "head hunger" coming back. These last two days all I have wanted to do is EAT! It's 10am and I already had 1/2 a bowl of oatmeal and now I am just sitting here wishing I could have some popcorn! Bleh. Maybe I should go back to my protein drinks for a while. Maybe I am getting too caught up in food. I'm starting to worry a little bit. I've had it relatively easy up until this point and I'm worried that this is where the hard work starts. Oooh boy. I can do it.
11/16/2006
Nov 16, 2006
I've had a few people message me and ask about my lunch date and if I've gone out with the guy again. I haven't, but I kind of lost interest. I talked to him a few more times and I just kind of thought he was kind of needy or something. I think at first it was all the initial shock of having someone I actually like ask me out, that I was kind of giddy. Once I came back down to earth and looked at things realistically and really thought about it, I wasn't all that interested.
Part of the problem, I think, was that I had a crush on him for so long, before I really knew him well. That led to me pretty much building him up in my mind as this totally perfect person, which no one could have ever lived up to in reality. I guess I'll remember this for next time. Oh well. I'm pretty apathetic about it at this point, though we do still talk, I am just not really into it any more.
10/22/2006
Oct 22, 2006
OMG! What do you know?? I can barely believe this myself and I don't know what is going to happen from here, but on Friday, the 20th, I went on a lunch date with the aforementioned crush from my last post!!!
We had chatted about an hour on Friday morning while he waited to talk to my boss. He was in the office for about 4 hours. After our talk, I had decided I was going to ask him to hang out sometime, and before I could he said the same thing to me! He ended up taking me out to lunch that day. I had a really great time, and I think he did too. He knew about my surgery, but I don't think he really knew what I meant, so he was shocked that I just ate the fish out of one of my fish tacos. I felt bad not eating much, especially since we had talked about how much he likes to eat, but I can't. I don't know what will happen from here, but I hope this continues!
We had chatted about an hour on Friday morning while he waited to talk to my boss. He was in the office for about 4 hours. After our talk, I had decided I was going to ask him to hang out sometime, and before I could he said the same thing to me! He ended up taking me out to lunch that day. I had a really great time, and I think he did too. He knew about my surgery, but I don't think he really knew what I meant, so he was shocked that I just ate the fish out of one of my fish tacos. I felt bad not eating much, especially since we had talked about how much he likes to eat, but I can't. I don't know what will happen from here, but I hope this continues!
10/7/2006
Oct 07, 2006
Well, things are a little better at work. I talked to my boss and told him that I want to move home, I just don't know when I'll be able too. I feel much better and now I won't feel like a hypocrite when he takes me to lunch, because I've been honest with him.
On another front, I'm going through a few tough things right now. I'm not feeling very good about myself at all. I'm a little frustrated about a few things. When I look at myself now I feel like I look so gross. I don't see that I've lost weight at all, but I can tell that my skin/fat is looser, and it seems gross to me. I'm just so mad at myself for ruining myself like this!
I have a crush on this guy I see at work, and we were talking about this and he's just so nice and so encouraging. He restores old cars and told me that I should never feel bad about myself, that no matter what I should be proud of myself and keep working at losing weight and that everything can be put back into shape with a little work. He's just so nice and polite and smart and thoughtful.
It's been a long time since I've had a crush on someone, and it's kind of sad in a way. Sometimes I feel like I'm back in high school, thinking about how happy I would be if he "likes me" and asks me out. Then I realize that even if he did, how could I even go? I look so gross. Then reality sets in and I just think "hello! why would he ever even give you a second look?" There is no reason he would. I barely remember the last time someone I was attracted to even gave me a second thought. I don't think I'll ever date again to be honest. I've really ruined everything in my life with this weight.
On another front, I'm going through a few tough things right now. I'm not feeling very good about myself at all. I'm a little frustrated about a few things. When I look at myself now I feel like I look so gross. I don't see that I've lost weight at all, but I can tell that my skin/fat is looser, and it seems gross to me. I'm just so mad at myself for ruining myself like this!
I have a crush on this guy I see at work, and we were talking about this and he's just so nice and so encouraging. He restores old cars and told me that I should never feel bad about myself, that no matter what I should be proud of myself and keep working at losing weight and that everything can be put back into shape with a little work. He's just so nice and polite and smart and thoughtful.
It's been a long time since I've had a crush on someone, and it's kind of sad in a way. Sometimes I feel like I'm back in high school, thinking about how happy I would be if he "likes me" and asks me out. Then I realize that even if he did, how could I even go? I look so gross. Then reality sets in and I just think "hello! why would he ever even give you a second look?" There is no reason he would. I barely remember the last time someone I was attracted to even gave me a second thought. I don't think I'll ever date again to be honest. I've really ruined everything in my life with this weight.
9/23/2006
Sep 23, 2006
Things are going OK for me. I've been going to the gym, so that is good. It does feel good to work out, so I don't know why I have to drag myself there, haha. The main problem I am having now is getting my protein in. I have tried so many protein drinks. I was ok for the first week or 2 after surgery, but now I just get sick to my stomach if I have one. I had one today that I started about 3 hours ago, I can't even finish it. I'm so nauseous. Ugh. I know I have to get in more than this. I'm going to try an omelette for lunch for some more protein. The really bad news is that I have one more week off of work. I don't want to go back there at all. I've never been somewhere that I was not trusted. I have never given my boss any reason to not trust me, and he still doesn't. That bothers me. I can't wait until I can move back to Minnesota and be done with this.
9/17/2006
Sep 17, 2006
Things have been going pretty well with my eating. Aside from the egg I haven't really had any bad reaction to anything. No dumping, etc... so that's good. I really miss cake and cookies though! I know I shouldn't even be thinking about them, haha. I'm still pretty tired though, but I'm sure it's because I'm not getting enough protein in. I have been getting all my liquid in, and taking my vitamins. Calcium is another story. I have not found anything I can tolerate taking, so I'm just going to wait until next week when I can take pills instead of chewables. I do need to start exercising. I've only been averaging about 2 times a week and I am supposed to be doing 5!! This week will be better. ;o
9/9/2006
Sep 09, 2006
OK well, things are still going pretty well. I've been put on soft foods and so far I have not had any major problems. Eggs are kind of iffy though. The first day I had some egg salad and it went down but made me a tad nauseous. Then I had 1 egg made into a devlied egg and that was fine. Today I had a hard boiled egg and must have not chewed enough AND ate too fast. It's now over 3 hours later and I can still feel it sitting here. I think I'll stay off the eggs for a while. Sometimes I feel like I'm eating too much, which is really insane when I think about it, because I'm probably eating about 1/10 of what I used to. I guess your perspective changes.
I weigh myself on Mondays, but I've cheated and weighed a few other times, and so far it seems that I'm down 29 pounds from my pre-surgery weight, and 17 since surgery. I'm working on making up some charts of weight and measurements that I can put in my profile for easy reference.
I weigh myself on Mondays, but I've cheated and weighed a few other times, and so far it seems that I'm down 29 pounds from my pre-surgery weight, and 17 since surgery. I'm working on making up some charts of weight and measurements that I can put in my profile for easy reference.
8/31/2006
Aug 31, 2006
Well, I'm 6 days out from surgery. Today I'm not feeling very well. I'm having a really hard time drinking enough protein. All the "clear" protein I try tastes like vomit and the milk based stuff makes me want to vomit. I did choke down a shake this morning and now I feel really sick to my stomach. I do need to do some more walking. I'm going to lay down for a bit and then maybe go to the mall to get some walking in, it's too hot to walk outside! I hope I see some movement on the scale too. OK, I just weighed myself and I am down 19 pounds from the weight I was when I first saw the surgeon, down about 7 pounds since surgery.
8/23/2006
Aug 23, 2006
Getting closer to surgery!! As of right now I can only have clear liquids. Then tomorrow comes the bowel prep, yay! ;) I'm so excited. I got an e-mail from my best friend in Minnesota and she is going to have the surgery too. I am so happy for her. She has gone back and forth but has decided this is what she wants to do also. She is having surgery on October 30. I am glad we will be able to share this experience, I just wish I wasn't 2000 miles away.
8/18/2006
Aug 18, 2006
One week until surgery! Now that the surgery is here I find it harder and harder to stay at my job. I hate it and it is so not good for me. Unfortunately it's hard to find a new job very quickly. There are so many shady things that go on there. I have a hard time training people and said I could not do it. It's bad enough training anyone, but this girl has only lived in this country for about 2 or 3 years and I can not understand a lot of what she says. I know it's not her fault, but I am having major anxiety attacks about training her, to the point that I am worried about this all affecting my surgery. No one at my job gives enough of a shit about me to even care though. I have agreed to train her for 3 hours on Monday, that is it. If she is there longer than that, I will quit. I have already made all the arrangements I need to quit, and I will do it if I have to.
Other than that, I got all my pre-op testing done today. I am a little nervous about it because my surgeon said he needs everything three days before surgery, which would be Tuesday. I told my Dr's office that and they said today would be enough time to get everything to him. So i was reading their signs all over saying lab results take 3-5 days. I will be so pissed if they come back and tell me that they did not receive everything they needed because I asked if this would be enough time when I made the appt. for my pre-op and I called back again later to double check because I know how slow this office is about getting things sent out. I just hope it all works out.
I've been on the liquid diet for a week now. I've had my moments of cheating here and there, but I've done pretty well. It's funny because they times I have cheated (for example, one day I did good all day, but then got a Snack Wrap at McDonalds) I found that the food doesn't taste as good as it used to. I still think even with the small cheats I've done I've been under the 1000 calories a day my surgeon wants me to consume on the liquid diet. I need to be good the rest of this time though!! According to my scale I've lost 7 pounds, and my surgeon says losing around 10 is average, so I'm ok.
I went to my nutrition class with Julie at Dr. Q's office yesterday. There were some nice ladies in there with me. It was a fun class, but very overwhelming! I have to write down and sort out what exactly I need to buy before and what I am going to be doing. There was a lot of information there!!
Other than that, I got all my pre-op testing done today. I am a little nervous about it because my surgeon said he needs everything three days before surgery, which would be Tuesday. I told my Dr's office that and they said today would be enough time to get everything to him. So i was reading their signs all over saying lab results take 3-5 days. I will be so pissed if they come back and tell me that they did not receive everything they needed because I asked if this would be enough time when I made the appt. for my pre-op and I called back again later to double check because I know how slow this office is about getting things sent out. I just hope it all works out.
I've been on the liquid diet for a week now. I've had my moments of cheating here and there, but I've done pretty well. It's funny because they times I have cheated (for example, one day I did good all day, but then got a Snack Wrap at McDonalds) I found that the food doesn't taste as good as it used to. I still think even with the small cheats I've done I've been under the 1000 calories a day my surgeon wants me to consume on the liquid diet. I need to be good the rest of this time though!! According to my scale I've lost 7 pounds, and my surgeon says losing around 10 is average, so I'm ok.
I went to my nutrition class with Julie at Dr. Q's office yesterday. There were some nice ladies in there with me. It was a fun class, but very overwhelming! I have to write down and sort out what exactly I need to buy before and what I am going to be doing. There was a lot of information there!!
About Me
Minneapolis, MN
Location
29.8
BMI
Surgery
08/25/2006
Surgery Date
Jul 02, 2005
Member Since
