Adrianne_Dawn

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So, let's see 2 lbs shy of 100lbs lost! WOW that's an accomplishment -but why do I feel like I'm failing! I've only lost 4 lbs this last month. I'm going to start working out and see if that helps. I try no to think about it to much and I know I'm still losing but it's frustrating to say the least. 

I stopped seeing the guy I talked about previously.  He just didn't want to make time for me and honestly I just don't have the tolerance for idiot men anymore. haha

Otherwise things are going ok - just trying to figure out this thing called life.

Why is the smaller I get the more insecure I get? I mean I know I'm looking better, prettier, healthier, I feel better and most of the time my confidence is good - but at the same time I have day's where I feel Soooooo Insecure.  Like I'm not succeeding where I should be...or maybe now that I am losing weight and dating has kinda been sucking that instead of the Weight I blamed before that it's really me they don't want to date. :(

I know I'm probably just being a spaz but, my insecurities about myself exist now more then anything.  Example - Been talking and spending time with this guy.  I really genuinely like him - but part of me is pulling away because well I just don't think I'll end up with the "fairytale" and more then likely end up having the "Friend" conversation.  BTW there is NOTHING that is making me think this about this guy...again it's my own insecurities. :/  This process isn't easy - You'd think shedding the pounds that held you back for so long would open up a new world you'd be ready to jump into - but I find myself more scared then before.

I'm thinking I might have to talk to my doctor - Maybe it's time I check out a counselor. Deal with some issues and insecurities I have with myself.....Keep you posted.

So, I know it's been a while since I've posted (SORRY!) My world has kinda been a rocking and a moving lately.  First the negative,

I decided for financial reasons it made the most sense to move back home for a few months. Pay off the few medical bills i have, catch up on bills itself and save up so I can finally rent my own place.  Seattle area is EXPENSIVE!!! UGH! I'm so over having roommates though.

Also on the sad - I broke up with my boyfriend.  I really care about him but he was being wishy washy on where he saw our future and how he really felt about me and who has time to date a guy like that? Not this woman.  So - as much as I miss him I know I made the right decision.

Sooooo on to the positive - I have lost 94lbs since I started this whole journey in Feb.  62 of which is post-op.  I'm only 4.5 months out so it's pretty amazing!  

I've also just transfeered to a higher paying job within my hospital and I'm loving the change.  It's a challenge and totally different but I like everyone I'm working with and I was ready to spread my wings.

Life is good! Hope everyone else is doing fantastic. I'll try to post some pics later this week.

Adrianne

So, it's been a while since I've written a post on here.  I'm officially down to 244! (Wait did you read that correct???) YES!! 244 lbs! I know it's amazing hahaha!!!!!!
 
My size 20 jeans are becoming loose which is an AMAZING feeling. 

I have been dating this amazing guy for the past month but we've been friends and hanging out for the past 3 months.  He will look at me and then give me the most amazing kisses makes me feel like a million bucks. 

LIfe has had some ups and downs - I'm not 100% perfect 100% of the time - more like 85% of the time. hahaha

I go through days where I have a serious sugar tooth and days where all I want is salt and crackers.  Trying to get in my protein and stay away from the bad things.  I'd say most day's I succeed but some days I fail.  Best advice I can give anyone reading this is just get back up and try again the next day.  We are after all VERY human. haha

Hope all my peeps are doing good!! 

 Phew - this last week's topics - ALCOHOL.  It brings the crazy out in everyone apparently.  

I had to just let lose on someone cause they were calling all of us "Addictive personlities" and I'm just like WTH are you talking about!  If I had an addictive personality I'd be at the gym 24/7 like my best friend! 

Anyways - seems that people should be aware of alcohol but for goodness sakes figure out yourself! If you are addicted to food then you probably should try drinking.  You lost your best friend (aka food) so turning to other things will only make it worse.  Well unless maybe it's the gym. haha 

Some CRANKY people on here lately.  Is it that time of the month for everyone? I mean i know that's partially my excuse. haha

So, I got on the scale this weekend and it read 274.  Which means I had only lost 1 lb since I last weight myself the previous Thursday.  I thought wow that kind sucks but didn't think to much about it.  I did however say to myself this morning...hmmm I wonder - so I got on the scale and OMG 267. Are you kidding me??? 267!?!?!?! I about fainted!  I obviously had some water retention or something cause it was amazing seeing that number. 

I'm tired - probably from not going to be early and partly cause my energy level just isn't up yet.  I do know that I need to think about hitting the gym again.  So, I might try a couple days this week for about 20 min each time.  We'll see how it goes. 

 Well the last couple days were rough. TMI moment but wow I got backed up and couldn't go to the bathroom for a day and half. Worse feeling in my life. Finally things are back on track but took me about 3 days to feel better. My incisions are doing better it's still a bit uncomfortable to sleep but each night is getting better. Trying to get in all my protein and water and then 3 meals a day. It's hard cause I'm not really hungry. But I know it's important to get everything in. I had a moment yesterday were I was questioning all of this. It's rough emotionally as well as physically. I don't feel the same but yet I'm still me. It's strange feeling to deal with. I woke up this morning feeling better thank goodness which made things better.  I walked into the surgery at 288 and now I got on the scale and I'm at 275. Holy crap a week and half and down 13 lbs. cant beat that. Anyways I'll write more soon. 

I totally had a freak out moment this evening.  I felt bad cause I got off the phone with the guy I'm dating and realized that I was a bit overly sensitive to his normal banter.  I ended up apologizing once I realized it was nerves and I think hunger. This liquid diet as thrown me for a loop today. 

Anyways, little off today and VERY nervous, bit teary eyed.  Hard to explain to someone that hasn't gone through it but glad for my support system.

Anyways off to bed as soon as I take my nail polish off. Busy day tomorrow!  

 Wow, surgery tomorrow, nervous but positive everything will be fine!  

This clear liquid diet is awful!! 

One more evening and then step to my new life! 

 WHOA!  It's almost here!!! 

I'm excited and scared at the same time.  Of course the last week I have had a cold/allergies, my period started and I have cramps as well as my lower back hurts super bad.  Old age? Too much excess weight? This surgery couldn't be happening soon enough. haha 

I'm nervous something might go wrong. Not lying - it's nice reading other's say things were good but you just never know.  I however am a grit it and go with it type person so I'm assuming even if i'm in pain i'll work through it.  Kinda like I am with my lower back pain. OUCHY! 

I did however have an AMAZING date with a new guy.  (The last guy...OMG apparently has a GF who actually called me a week after i had ended it with the guy stating that she had been with him for 2 years. Talk about awkward!)  Anyways the new guy is named Ken.  He works as an EMT and volunteer Figher Fighter. He is super funny and sweet.  Our first date he took me to the Aquariam in Downtown Seattle and then we had lunch on the pier.  Afterwards we came back towards my house and hung out out at a park talking until the Avenger's movie was about to start.  He held every door open for me and even made sure he walked on the side of the street the cars were moving on.  I kept wanting to poke him and make sure he was real. hahaha 

I told him about the surgery and he asked some questions but overall was very accepting.  He's in pretty good shape but wasn't judgy to me. 

Well anyways gotta get back to work.  Last week at work for 2 weeks!