Anikacashf

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Well today I see the pa again at 2:45 p.m.

I'm not sure what's going to happen.  I've been having the worse case of acid reflux and heartburn ever!

            May 25, 2010 – had bad acid reflux almost all day             May 26, 2010 – felt a little better but by the afternoon had acid reflux             May 27, 2010 – had a terrible night of sleep (acid reflux and heartburn)             May 28, 2010 – called Dr. Newlins office, was told I needed to wait till Tuesday to talk with Mike             May 29, 2010 – Had some acid reflux in the morning some tightness in my chest as well, later that night it was horrible, I had heartburn so bad; I called the on call doctor. I slept sleeping upwards that night.             May 30, 2010 – Acid reflux in the morning, had soup pretty much all day.             May 31, 2010 – Had a small kiddy cone, went down ok but felt light pain on my left side, then had a quarter size hamburger and threw that up. (Threw up over 10 times in May)             June 1, 2010 – Strawberry carnation drink for breakfast, lunch ½ of a small choc. 
                                         milkshake with carnation mix, few slices of cheese (threw up the cheese).
            June 2, 2010 - Chocolate milk with carnation mixture in it.  Lunch white milk with carnation drink in that.

I really hope I didn't slip my band but who knows.

I guess I'll hopefully find out today.

Melissa
 

Well today I have my doctors appt. and I'm only at 247.

I was at 308 but this just sucks.  I know overall it's good that I've lost about 61 lbs. in less than a year but since Sept. 09 I haven't lost anything.

I've been stuggling with eating the right foods and I tried a plateau diet but I only made it a half day and my husband called me weak for only making it that long.  I wanted to be successful but I'm finding it so hard to be.

I'm so depressed right now.  I just feel like a failure and I don't want to be at work right now and dealing with all my emotions but I need to.  My husband has been great support throughout this and has told me I've been bad when I am being but my mom doesn't yet.  No matter what I will eat bad food and she won't say anything.

I know I should be able to do it myself especially since I'm 30 now but what is my problem.  I just don't get it.  I feel upset right now and shitty.

Melissa

Well today at 3:30 p.m. I have an appointment scheduled to see the PA and see if I need another fill.  It's been 6 weeks or about that since I last saw the doctor and at that time I weighed in at 260.4 and that was on June 22, 2009.
 
My grandma became ill on Friday, July 26th and I went back with my mom to see my gram on July 27th and sadly she passed away on July 3rd.

Today is exactly 1 month since she passed.  It was a hard time emotionally for me throughout this month and trying to stay on top of my weight loss.

Today I weighed myself and I weighed 254 without clothes and then I put on the outfit I was going to go to the doctors in and it said 255.  So that only means a 5 lb weight loss which isn't good but I'm going to be completely honest when I see the doctor today and hopefully he'll understand but the important thing is I'm going to do a lot better from here on out.

I usually tend to weigh myself before I leave for the appt so I know what I weigh at home vs the scales at the doctors office and luckily for me my scale seems to agree with the doctors scale.

I'm not sure if I'm going to get another fill or not but this morning I was very hungry and maybe he'll give me a small one but at times I think I might be ok not getting one.

Well that's all for now.  Oh I guess I did forget to mention that I did have to put a cat to sleep on July 16th.  It was just a bad bad month but hopefully this month will be better :)

Melissa

Well today at 3:15 p.m. I meet with the PA.  The last time I was there the PA sounded like losing 9 lbs in 4 weeks wasn't that great and now I'm going today and I weighed myself this morning without clothes on and I weighed 259 but with clothes it's 260.4 or something like that.

So technically since my last fill 5 weeks ago I've lost 7 lbs.

They told me I should lose about 1 lb a week so I'm hoping I'm going to hear that I'm on schedule.

melissa

Well today at 3:15 p.m. I'm supposed to get my second fill.

I'm not really nervous I guess I'm just not thinking about it too much right now.

I'll write more.  When I weighed myself this morning I was down 41 lbs but we'll have to see what their scales say.

Well I managed to go through yesterday without having a single taste.

Boy did I want to.

It really really sucks when it's sitting there looking at you all day long but I was strong and I didn't touch it.

It was still here this morning and after I got back from lunch but I didn't cave.

I was strong and now it's finally gone.  The only thing that really sucks is next Friday there is another b-day.

Damn too many May b-days.

Melissa

I'm trying really really hard to be a good girl and it's getting harder and harder at times like today there is a big choc. cake sitting across from me and while I keep telling myself I don't need it and it doesn't need me it's very very hard since it's sitting there looking at me.

It's very hard but I better make it through the day without trying to have a slice.

Maybe I should make myself a deal or something if I don't eat a slice or a piece of it.

I have to be strong here and I guess I needed to vent a little bit.  I have lost weight since my first fill, my surgeon said he'd like me to lose 1 lb a week for now and it stopped after I lost 4 lbs the first week so I'm not sure hopefully I can get it to move down again.  I'm sure I can make it move down again.

Just needed to vent,
Melissa

Well today at 3:15 p.m. I will be getting my first fill.

I haven't lost anymore weight since my 2 week post op but I'm hoping to have the scale move down again soon.

Melissa

Today I'm at work for the first day back and it's a tad uncomfortable to be sitting here.

I weighed myself yesterday and my scale said I weighed 281.  Which means I've lost 9 lbs. since last Tuesday.  Right now I trying to just eat my 3 meals of 1/4 cup of food.  It's hard to remember to eat at time since I'm still not hungry.  My surgery experience was ok.  I'm not going to sugar coat it here, it hurt pretty bad for me but everyone is different.

My surgery was scheduled for 12:15 and it seemed like everything was running on schedule because they took me back to get my IV started at 11:45 and they started the IV in my left hand and it seemed to work.  I was surprised the lady got it in so fast because normally they can't seem to fnd my veins at all.

It was finally around 12:30 and I asked them to give me some to relax and a nurse came in and adminstered some into my IV and that burned but I didn't feel relaxed at all.  When we got to the OR which wasn't that far from the waiting room, they had me move over onto the table and everyone was very friendly and said hi to me and then of course it happened.

My IV wasn't working.  They tried to knock me out but that didn't happen since my hand starting swelling and they realized that wasn't going to work.  So they flipped my hand over and tried my wrist....those hurt like hell....so he tried the other hand and wrist and nothing happened.  He tried my foot...man does that hurt as well.

Let me tell you by this point I was freakin out a bit and crying a tad.  They wanted to try to the IV in my neck and said that this one would work.

Well it ididn't.  They numbed me first before sticking me although the numbing stuff didn't help at all and they stuck me about 3 or 4 times their, let's just say that was very painful.  After that the surgeon stepped in and said we are going to try your chest.  That one hurt as well but as soon as they were in they said they were going to knock me out and they would see me in recovery.

I just remember smelling the gas or meds and then I woke up in a lot of pain in recovery.  They adminstered morphine which helped but I was in and out the rest of night.

I remember getting up around midnight or so to go the bathroom and get my MP3 player and luckily I was in a room by myself which was soo nice.

I had to do an Upper GI before I could leave on Wednesday which the nurse made me stop drinking at 3:30 a.m. since she said they would do it first thing in the morning.  Well that didn't happen.  I think I waited around till 2:15 p.m. or so until they could get me in.  I wasn't too happy with them only because I was really thrusty but not enough for the stuff they wanted me to drink, it was bitter and nasty.

Luckily, I didn't have to drink a whole ton.  Then I had to wait 1/2 hour till the water went through and that sucked especially sitting up in a wheelchair the whole time.  Finally though I was allowed to go back to my room and they gave me some meds and I was sent home around 5 p.m.

I went home and just crashed after taking my pain meds.  Each day I seem to get better and better but I'm still not back 100% but I'm gettting there.

Melissa

Well today is it.  I'm feeling ok so far.  Maybe it will hit me later, although last night I had a really hard time sleeping,  I wasn't too worried or anything I just couldn't sleep well.

My husband isn't feeling to well this morning which sucks but I hope later today he'll improve.  I told him he didn't need to go but he keeps saying he does.  I wouldn't be alone my mom is coming as well.

I'm scheduled to be in Altoona at 10:45 a.m. and surgery is at 12:15.

I just can't believe after all this talking about it and I'm here already.  It's crazy how time flew by.

Well that's all for now.

Melissa