bbmom

Send Message

Block

Add Friend

Well, I have had a rough couple months lately.  My cousin was killed in a motorcycle accident in April. very tragic.  He was a widower and leaves 1 child of his own and his late wife's 2 children. Very sad.  While I was at his funeral, my work had a conference call that I missed, and long story short....announced that our contract was being terminated early & that my position would be terminated May 31.
Ugh.  So, it has been a tumultuous time for me, and I have definately found myself emotional eating....not making healthy choices, not doing my protein shakes, snacking on a lot of crap and sweets and coming up with every excuse in the book as to why I should shove something into my mouth!
Consequently, I am up from where I love to be at 125-126 lbs to 132-134 lbs right now (132 today).  Until yesterday, I hadnt walked or worked out in 2-3 weeks (consistently-- maybe a walk here or there)  So, yesterday I signed up for unemployment and went back "on the wagon" with healthy choices, protein shakes back in, and limited snacking to a yogurt and a sugar free pudding.  Got on the treadmill as   well. During this time though, I could see old habits rearing their ugly head- with the sweets, pieces of candy, cookies, crap going into my mouth even though I wasnt hungry AND despite the fact that after I eat them, I feel like crap and go into a "food coma"!  But emotions can really influence us & despite physically losing the weight, I still have the same issues & have to continue to fight them daily.  I am back to remembering I am a FAT person who is "renting" a skinny body and I cant afford to start those bad habits again!  All this week I will be good and strict about my eating- see how much of those extra pounds come off and if they are still there next week, it is back to the 5 day pouch test to get myself back under control.
I am just glad that I only get to a certain point now before I realize I am slipping...so far.....this site helps- I can go back to where I was and look at my before pictures and realize that it is NOT worth that tiny taste in your mouth to go back to the misery I felt before I lost the weight.  I am so thankful for this new life-- I cant let a few obstacles in my way push me back down again!

Well, with the new scale, my weight has stayed consistent.  Which has made me be consistently good about my eating plan!  I have been at or below 126 now since I got the new scale! I have been happy with what I am getting to eat (mainly proteins) and am still at the smaller portions (3.5-4 ounces per meal) that I have been at since the 5DPT.

Had a work dinner program a week or so ago and overate at that (all proteins, but ate waaaay too much) and had terrible pain on the way home- actually went to the rest room before I left and tried to throw up to get rid of some, but was unable to....lesson learned!
Went to dinner last night and had some salad and a couple bites of cheesy biscuits (Red Lobster)- big mistake because once my food came I was pretty full...but I had learned my lesson and ate just what I could of my entree and sadly gave my lobster tail to my hubby instead.  Wasn t going to go thru another painful over full pouch just to enjoy some food....glad I had learned my lesson on overfilling it...but learned another one to remember to resist the salad, etc (I usually dont eat it or even have the waitress bring me one, but I was sooo hungry I thought I would just a have a little bit......) But instead of enjoying my lobster tail, I got a couple bites of lobster andended up with mainly salad & a little bread....will remember that next time!
Happy that the scale stayed at 126 today though, even though we went out!

Well, I am so much happier with the new scale...it is so consistent- I can do my obsessive getting on and off all I want and it is the same every time....LOVE IT!
Was 126.8 this morning without even trying - just being "normal"!  Thank God!
What a great weekend- had beautiful weather- spent lots of time outside & got lots of color....and really enjoyed it.  Now waiting for a rain storm to hopefully pass through so I can go take my walk outside instead of having to do the treadmill.  Guess I shouldnt have waited but didnt expect it to storm this early!
Gotta get in my walking though, or even the new scale wont make me smile....

Well, I am thankful that I got the new scale!  it is awesome.  Very accurate.  I had researched it on Amazon before I bought and the EatSmart brand had tons of great reviews on it's accuracy as well as how the company stands behind it.
Got it, opened it up and my husband & I both tested it out multiple times.  It was EXACTLY the same weight every single time...
Took it up and got on the old scale...I was 129.5 (UGH!) got on the new one & I am 127.6 (YAY!)  So, most likely all this anxiety & struggle was the scale..NOT ME!  I am thankful it is only up a pound considering how poorly I have been following my eating plan! (back to picking out of frustration..etc..)
This morning I am 127.6 again & I can live with that!  will still strive for 126.5-127, but this scale measures in increments of 0.2 lb & I am now happy with 127(point anything) on it after the past couple weeks! 
Felt like I was going crazy over this, but I have  read people's posts on this site and on the 5DPT site talking about how they have gained back 20, 30, 40 lbs....I just can not even imagine that.  I am soooo happy where I am & how I feel physically as well as my self image & confidence.  Let alone I can not afford to start having different size clothes all over again!

Well, it has not been a good week for me.  Every time I got on my scale (even if I got on in succession) I weighed something different- up down up down...mainly up.  Very frustrating.Made me very bad about my diet- would be good all day then next thing you know, I would be up a pound despite staring myself, drinking lots of water & doing all the right things...so the next day, when temptation would hit...I would say "screw it!" and give in...because I may as well have this, since I wont keep the weight off regardless....(bad frame of mind....!) then I would feel guilty and be really good the next day...and so on and so on...
finally asked my husband if he has found our scale to be undependable & he told me he had same thing with it, you could step on and off and vary up to 3 or more lbs at a time.
So, I ordered a new scale that is coming today- hopefully that will help with my frustration.  Had a dinner program for work last night, and I ate 2 shrimp AND my 4 ounce filet mignon...and ended up with horrible stomach pain (knew better...did it anyways...wont do it again- wanted to throw up but couldnt.....)
So, this morning I am at 128.5 - not suprising with how I have been behaving with my food.  Now to get the new scale, get back on track and no more excuses!

Ok, yesterday I was 127. Gained a pound...for no reason....and today- again 127.  Now, I am aware it is only a lb...and I keep telling myself (and anyone who will listen) that I am happy at 127 (I am HAPPY at 126.5!)

Sounds ridiculous as I write this- it is a half pound.  But I was 126 on Friday. I did not cheat, I drank lots of water, I ate my tiny little 3.5 ounce portions & my protein shakes and nothing else.  Yet Saturday I was 127.  If I had gone from 126.5 to 127, it wouldnt have bothered me as much as it would be half a pound, right?! (I realize I sound totally insane, but these are the thoughts that keep going thru my head over this.....I am obsessed.) But gaining a pound while I am eating little or NOTHING and not cheating or having "bad food choices" really bothers me.  in fact, it terrifies me.  That is what happened when I gained all the weight to begin with. (when I got Hashimoto's).  I was working out 45 minutes a day, eating 1100-1200 calories max; and I gained 50 lbs in a month. Eventually it was 150.
Please, God, dont let me gain the weight back.

Yesterday I was so angry about it I didnt get on the treadmill before we went out for the day. (I actually got on the scale again & before I did said to my body "If you are 126.5, we will work out. If we are 127 or higher still- I am not getting on the damn treadmill today- the heck with it!"  (I was 127.5 by that time)

So, we went to a Sportsmans & Outdoor show & walked around all day.  I bought kettle corn...and ate it until I got a belly ache.

We went out to dinner afterwards, but I was good there- ordered a skirt steak & salad - ate quite a bit of my salad (been ONLY eating protein since the 5 day pouch test.) and a small portion of the steak.

I skipped my afternoon & evening protein shakes.

Hoping it is just constipation from the flax seed meal I rolled the PB balls in (did not have ANY yesterday). I have hardly pooped in 2 days. 

As I typed this I remembered that on Friday night, as I made dinner....I did "cheat"....I had a couple bites (3-4, actually) of cole slaw (sugar free, home made)...and a couple bites of mashed cauliflower that I had made as side dishes for my hubby & son......But should I really gain a lb from that?!

I also had a little bigger size portion of lean ground burger (5 ounces total meal) that night....with some cheese on it & 3 mushroom slices.....

So I guess I wasnt perfect- but should I gain a lb from those tiny little adjustments? (Not like I ate a cookie....or candy.....or french fries or a piece of bread- that stuff, I would see why!)  But a couple bites of "healthy food"?

Makes me wonder if 126.5 is "too low" for me & my body not gonna stay there.  But I am afraid to say it is "ok" to be a higher weight...like I am settling or something & next thing I will be 150....160.....

I know, I sound crazy.  Thats why I am blogging this.  Maybe if I get all these crazy weight obsessed thoughts on paper, they will go out of my head and I can stop thinking about it all the time (which makes me want to eat...hmmmmm)

I have to remember, I am a fat girl living in a thin person's body....this is a rental & I dont own it!  You pay for this daily & it isnt easy!!  But it is worth it.
Okay, I feel better now.  Re-reading this, I realize I am letting a lb really get blown out of proportion!  I will be good today & go back to my strict 3-4 ounces, protein only, with my protein shakes to ward off the hunger & lots of water....no more PB balls until I am "regular" again....
Guess I was just feeling sorry for myself because I feel like I am on a "diet" again & that is the way it is--For a few months, I got a way with being a little more lax, having side dishes, & bigger portions without gaining...but things change & if I am gonna stay a thin person, this is what I will do!  It is SO WORTH IT!

Well, this morning I weighed 126.  Have been very excited to be at 126.5 all this week.  I have been fluctuating up and down so dang much, that even after the 5 day pouch test success of getting the extra pounds back off, I just didnt think they would stay off.  I have been super super strict on every thing that goes in my mouth and have been only eating 3-4 oz of protein (only) for meals with  protein shakes in between for "snacks" and I am so happy that for 5 days in a row I have consistently stayed at 126.5. 

I made some "Peanut butter protein balls" from a recipe on the 5DPT website (low sugar PB, non-fat dry milk, splenda, ground flax meal & vanilla protein powder) and they have been my only "cheat" or "snack"-they are really yummy! (but I added the rolling them in a little flax seed meal & they are a bit constipating even only having 1 a day....may not do that next time I make them!)   

Being down an extra half pound this morning was just a little Friday bonus!
I dont want to get below 126, so will keep an eye on that as well, but feel like after 5 days of staying down, I can let out that "whew" sigh of relief & feel like I am "back" and totally on track again.  I am so much more concious of what I am putting in my mouth again...and drinking water ALL day again- feels good to be back & consistent! Happy Friday!

Well, I researched more on the 5 day pouch test and it made me realize that day 6 and beyond is simply sticking with the food plan that they give you when you have the surgery!  No drinking 30 min before or after meals (I have always stuck with that one) drinking a LOT of water - 64 oz daily (I had really gotten bad about that & this was a huge eye opener- most of the time I think I am "hungry" if I just drink water...it goes away!)  protein first- and 2/3 protein with only 1/3 HEALTHY carbs from veggies....(I had been adding in too much stuff- little bites of whole grain breads, rices, starches, sweets (ugh, I hate to admit it but YES little bites of candy or chocolate!)  and keeping small portions (which I had been at about 6-7 ounces, but I would push it sometimes if I really like something.....) now am eating 3-5 ounces - almost all protein & it makes me COMFORTABLE and stays with me.......
This morning I am at my goal of 126.5 lbs! (the weight I was consistently from about August thru November....pre vacation & holidays....) This is the weight I am mentally happy at & wanted to stay at.  So glad I did the pouch test when I did- we just get busy, and lazy, and I think especially in these Northern winters, it is comforting to pick and graze & eat little bits of stuff we shouldnt...but since prior to getting the surgery, I always told myself "I would happily eat like that to look & feel like that...." and as I have felt since my surgery, it is well worth any "sacrifice" of the 10 seconds of pleasure that a given food may give to keep the weight off & look & feel great!  Back on track & loving it, thanks to the 5 day pouch test. 

I noticed  on their website that so many people wait until they have gained back  20, 40 or 60 lbs (or more) to do the 5DPT and I am so glad that I did it when I was 5-10 lbs up from where I wanted!  It made it quick & easy to get back on track & get that extra weight off I have been playing with for the past 3 months!
They also have some good looking recipes on the website- looking forward to trying one called "parmesan tuna patties". Bought the ground flax meal & some Albacore tuna for it yesterday & hope to make some today or tomorrow. Always looking for a new healthy high protein, low fat low carb recipe!

Well, this morning is the last day of my 5 day pouch test, and as I eat a piece of grilled skinless chicken breast for breakfast.... I feel great & LOVE this 5 day  tool!  It affirmed my pouch is still working perfectly for feeling full at 3-5 ounces...for losing weight easily (I dropped from 134 Monday to 127 This morning!)  Have struggled to get to 129 and stay there for a couple months, yet I am easily at 127 this morning.  I feel back in control, am back to lots of water all day & all protein (I had gotten into bad habits!) and realize how much I was picking and grazing- walking by something and taking "just a taste" here & there as I cooked, packed lunches, or just saw something that was a "little treat".  This was really easy, and a great "wake up call" that only takes 5 days to get you back in control- I feel just like I did while I was still in the "honeymoon phase" of no hunger & easy weight loss. 
Now tomorrow to ease back into a sensible maintainance- and keep those sugars, carbs & grazing OUT of my life!

Well, I am on day 3 of the 5 day pouch test, and I must say, I am impressed so far!  Day 1 was not the easiest....eating just sf jello & pudding, broth & protein shakes was not fun...reminded me of my liver reduction diet pre-op.  Wasnt bad during the day, but in the evening, trying to avoid watching & smelling my husband & son's eating dinner while I sipped chicken broth was a bit tough!! 
By yesterday, I noticed that I stayed full longer in the morning & wasnt feeling hungry at 10 am like I usually do!  I think because I was constantly drinking- something I have gotten very lax about- so I need to remember that & drink instead of eat when I feel hungry (and it isnt meal time!)
By last night I noticed getting fuller feeling faster with the pudding & being able to get rid of any feeling of "head hunger" by drinking more water.

This morning I was able to have soft proteins (hard boiled egg, tuna, fresh fish) & I noticed right away that I could not eat much at a time!  reminded me of right after surgery trying to eat an ounce...I amnow only able to eat about 3 ounces and I feel tightness in my pouch and very full!  It says you can eat as much as you want of the soft protein that you can consume within 15 minutes. (recommend 1 cup or 4-6 ounces) Within 5 minutes & 3 ounces- I am FULL!  Up until now, I have been eating 4-6 ounces at a meal with no problem.  This is great!  I did have a scoop of protein powder in my coffee this morning, and plan to have 2 protein shakes (one afternoon, one before bed) as I feel they keep me losing weight as well. It doesnt really say on the 5 day test instructions whether you can have the protein shakes after days 1& 2 or not, but I am going to include them as they have always been an important part of my diet plan.  The Unjury site guarantees you will lose weight if you have 3-5 protein shakes incorporated in your plan.

I am hoping I can break the 129 barrier- I started Monday morning at 134 lbs (ugh- a BAAAD weekend! Knew I was starting this on Monday & was a grazing alll weekend!)   Was 129.5 this morning - that seems to be where I get every week (before I screw up all weekend & add 1-2 or more lbs back on & start over...) so if I can get below that by Friday- I will be sooo excited!