Bexster
Wow moment!
May 01, 2009
This really helps my self-esteem! I'm finally starting to see an actual figure take shape. It's been a bumpy ride, but it just proves that through all of it, i'm so happy that i decided to go ahead with surgery.
Update!
Apr 26, 2009
My BFF is getting married next Saturday - May 2nd. I went for my final dress fitting yesterday. I had to go in 3 times because they had to keep taking the hem of the skirt in! Boy - that's a good feeling! Finally, I think I got to a place where I'll be good...for the wedding. I'm sure I'll have to have the top adjusted more later down the line when I want to wear it again. Woo Hoo!
Also, I finally dropped a size! I'm no longer an 18/20 but a 16! Yay!!! Creeping ever so slowly towards my goal of an 8/10! I know I can get there though. It's tough though - I definitely have some days when I feel like the weight isn't coming off. That I'm stuck at a standstill. I try so hard not to dwell on it and keep pushing forward. Knowing that I'm doing this for me, for my health and well-being. The weight IS coming off and it will CONTINUE to come off as long as I work at it. I can do this!!!
This is the last straw, don't wanna hurt anymore..
Mar 16, 2009
The next morning I felt better and so I just took it really easy. Finally today - Monday - I feel normal enough to know NEVER to do that again. I'm staying away from all carbs..well, bread, pasta, rice - stuff like that. It's a major bummer, but it's something I know I have to do now. In a way, I'm glad this happened to me because #1 - it taught me a lesson i'm sure to remember and #2 - it showed me that the band is working. Which brings me to my next topic...
Is it normal to feel like you're not changing at all? I KNOW i'm losing - I can feel it in my clothes, I see it on the scale but I don't see it in my body yet. I still feel like a huge fat pig. I'm still hiding in baggy clothes and definitely screaming for a fashion make over. Honestly, I want my Mom or someone to nominate me for that "What Not To Wear" once I lose the weight just so I can get a whole new wardrobe and so I can learn how to dress myself. I dunno, I just get very depressed somedays when I'm having a bad day and I don't know how to pull myself out of it. I've talked to my therapist and all, and she definitely helps but..I dunno. Sometimes I just get in a funk & can't pull myself out. Any suggestions?
Alright, that about wraps up todays session. I will see you all on the flip side. Each day I'm getting closer to Onederland! Yay!
Each day is a challenge and a new chance to overcome it
Feb 21, 2009
I have to admit some times are harder than others and I have slipped. I went out to dinner with my Dad and brother yesterday. I took too big a bite of my wrapped pita and had to sit there a moment and wait for it to pass. It's a scary feeling when you can feel this lump of food just sitting in your chest. I've only had it happen 2 or 3 times, but each time is a little reminder that yes- i had this surgery and yes- i cannot eat the way i used to. That's WHY i got the surgery. To change!
People have started to notice a change though! My boss' secretary asked me if I'm losing. I told nosy people that I had hernia surgery (which i did, it was just found and fixed during my band surgery). So, i tell them that i'm careful with what i eat because i don't want to mess up my tummy. Then my Mom's boss noticed too! I can't believe it! I've noticed a change in the way my clothes fit, but not in the mirror yet. I know I can't rely on that, but it still hurts to look in the mirror and be disappointed. That's probably why I refuse to buy a full-length mirror. Well, time will change that..
Forever & a day ago..
Jan 28, 2009
Well, I had my surgery on November 25th. It was rough, but I made it through with flying colors! I weighed in that morning at 242 pounds and am now cruising at 226.5. I was supposed to get my band tightened for the first time not too long ago - sometime last week, but there were complications with timing and all, so I'm set for next Monday to get my first tightening.
Things have been good so far. My scars have healed pretty well. I had a couple hanging stitches, which was gross, but my surgeon trimmed them up for me so I wouldn't fiddle with them. Bad habit, haha.
Anyway - I'm already noticing a difference in my clothes and how I feel. My clothes are a lot baggier first of all. Things that normally would fit pretty well to a little snug are a ton looser. It's a really good feeling! Then, I know I can't eat as much as I used to. One bad thing is that, the longer I've waited for the tightening, the more I am able to eat. I'm doing it to myself and need to stop, I know. I just gotta get back into that frame of mind.
I also went to try on my bridesmaid dress for my BFF's wedding. I was fitted several months ago and got a 2 piece set b/c 1) I didn't want another gown I'll never wear and 2) A 2 piece would be more flattering. So, I went to try it on and it's already too big! I need to get a ton of alterations done already and I'm hoping to need more done by the alteration date of March 28th. I'm really, really hoping to be under 200 by the wedding. It's about 27 more pounds and I know I can do it! With my better eating and keep doing my yoga & belly dancing, I can do it!
Well, otherwise, things are going really well! Doing good at my job, looking to move out on my own, get a new car..craziness! So - keep your fingers crossed as I continue my journey!
Success!
Oct 13, 2008
Well, I got THE call today! I've been approved for surgery! I just need to call back and pick a date that works for me.
Wow, I can't believe how far I've come in such a quick time. Man, when you set your mind on something and want it bad enough, time seems to fly. I'm so excited about getting surgery, but really nervous too. I know I have a lot riding on this, a lot of hope so..what if it doesn't work? I know I can't use this negative thinking, but still..there's always that little nagging part of me that can't help but wonder if I'm going to be stuck fat forever. I'm terrified of the thought. More so than the thought of surgery.
Well, when I keep thinking about that, I just think of everyone who has inspired me. Not just my family who have lost weight on their own - but Judy. She was off to a rough start but conquered it and now she's rockin' it out! And then, I can't help but think of Caitlin Van Zant. She's a young woman about my age on General Hospital. I don't watch soaps, but she had the Lap-Band recently for health reasons. In 4 months she lost 40 pounds! Not too bad! I know she has a lot more pressure plus people around her to assist her, but really we're exactly the same. Doing this for health reasons and in order to make ourselves feel better and look better.
So, even though I get scared and excited just thinking about surgery, I know that in the end, I will be far better off than if I let myself continue down the road I'm on right now. I can't wait to let me new life begin! Here's to a happier (and thinner) me!
Almost There!
Sep 28, 2008
Well, I had my meeting with my surgeon last Wednesday. Things are progressing quite well! They just need to sent out my info to my insurance company (real great since it's going to change in about 2 weeks) and then I can schedule a date. I'm really hoping for the Tuesday before Thanksgiving. Then, because I have Thursday and Friday off from work, I'll have Tuesday through Sunday to re-coop and come back to work. I know that my boss and co-worker will probably not be happy about it, but I'm doing so well there, I would hope they would let me. I mean, I'm a hard worker and I've proven myself, so why not let me have the 2 days off that I'm earning? Well, we'll see.
Anyway - so I'm really nervous but getting more and more excited. I can't wait to get this done and start a new chapter in my life. I go dress shopping for my BFF's wedding next Saturday and I can tell you right now that I'm not looking forward to it. I know that I can get adjustments done and alterations, but still. Just the thought of having people measuring me and judging me is not my idea of a good time. I know that I just have to push through and know that I'm working towards a better, healthier and happier life for myself. Geez - I'm only (almost) 25 years old! I have so much living ahead of me still! I want to make sure I get the most out of it and enjoy my time here on this earth. So - here I go!
Working towards a date!
Aug 16, 2008
Well, I finally got approved from all my tests. Now, I just have to schedule a meeting with my surgeon in order to nail down a date. I can't believe how close I am! I can't beleive that I'm so close! It still feels unreal to me. I can't wait to see how I feel afterwards. I just hope that my heavier friends will still love me afterwards. I know I won't leave them b/c they've been there for me through everything - ups and downs. I just hope they'll feel the same way.
I also got a new job! In this one I can't do more than sit on my butt, stare at a computer screen and bug people all day. I won't be making telemarketing phone calls - thank God! I'll be working for the police department. I definitely don't want to get stuck in this juob though - even though it has a good locaton, good benefits, good pay, etc. I want to stay here for awhiel, build up a nest egg then go for my goal and work in a field that I studied to be in! I don't want that college degree to go to waste. So - keep your fingers crossed for me! I call the surgeon first thing on Monday! I need to see how fast I can get this surgery done too - I want to try and get it done between my jobs - quitting the one and starting the next so I don't have to take time off of a new job. But I don't want to put the surgery off. Anyone have any good suggestions for me? I'm open to your thoughts. Thanks loves! Ciao!
Results of "ew"
Jul 27, 2008
Ew
Jul 24, 2008
So, I am prepping for my colonoscopy tomorrow. My doc thinks I may have Crohn's Disease of Celiac, so he wants to check to make sure. This prep is gonna suck! I'm not a fan, but it'll be over tomorrow and at least I get to take the day off of work.
I pray nothing is found though b/c that means more hoops to jump through for this surgery. Everyone keep your fingers crossed!!
Plus, I'm kinda curious to see how much weight i'll lose after all the prep. This should be interesting! =)
