Bexster

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So, I went in for what I thought was going to be my last meeting with the doc before I meet the surgeon. NOPE! LOL She informed me that I still have to meet with the dietician and exercise physiologist. It would have been nice to know this beforehand! Grr..

Oh well, so now I'm set up to meet with these 2 people on the 4th of August. THEN I should be on my way to meeting with the surgeon and scheduleing my surgery as soon as September or October! IT seems like so far off, but when I think about it, the time's gonna fly. I mean, I can't believe it's already the end of July! Before I know it, I'm gonna be working my way through recovery and trying to keep what little food I can eat down. Oh the price we pay for beauty, self-assurance and self-confidence (not to mention a really sexy pair of jeans!) =)

So, I really don't understand people. Not just media, but everyone on the earth. I think it's hilarious how people will go aorund preaching "be yourself. be happy & comfortable with who you are. don't let anyone tell you how to be" yet these are the exact same people who take one look at someonewho is overweight and think to themselves "Ew. Can't s/he lose weight?"

Honestly! The sad thing? I'm guilty of it myself. However, I always try my darndest not to judge people. I can sympathize with people b/c I'm so unhappy with myself, it's all I can do to get out of bed in the morning sometimes. I worry everyday that I won't find anyone to love me. That i'll end up alone and even more unhappy than i am now. The problem is, what do I do when I get the surgery and if I'm still alone? Granted, I'll be happier with me and that's what I think is mainly holding me back, but I'm still scared. I don't know..I guess I just get so frustrated at every little thing...it makes me sad b/c even some of my favorite bands put it in their songs. ::sigh:: i don't know. I guess the world is superficial and always will be.

Well, here I am! My name is Bek & I'm in the first stages towards getting surgery. For the longest time I wanted the RNY, but with my medical problems (I have 2 blood clots in my upper right thigh) I finally decided that the Lap-Band was probably better for me. So, I've been going through all the tests. I did the seminars, psych evaluation, stress test (aka Hell) and now I just have to go over the results with the doctor. THEN I can finally meet with the surgeon and set a date.

To be honest, I'm scared. Not just of having the surgery, but of what will happen. Yes, I'm scared about all the potential complications, but I'm also scared of the reactions I'll get post-op. I want too feel better and look better, but I have a lot of heavy friends. I don't want to be shunned or looked at differently b/c I decided to go through with the surgery. Does anyone else feel this way? I just don't want to be a 30 y/o weighing 300+ pounds. I know I'm headed in that direction - towards morbid obesity and so many health problems. Thank God I'm quite healthy actually, but how long will that last while I'm heavy? I need this surgery - not just for my body image, but for my emotional and mental needs.