Carmen C.
Well this is my Blog. It’s October 12th, 2008 and I have started my progress for surgery. I went into for Orientation on September 11th, in the evening. I knew right away that surgery was for me. I called two days later asking to get in ASAP. I kept calling and insisting for an appointment. I finally was able to get a hold of the person scheduling for new patients, I made my first appoint with the internal Medicine doctor, Dr. White on October 2nd, and Dr. Foote appt on October 9th. I then starting getting all my medical records, anything I could think about ready for my appointment on October 2nd. The same day I had to see Dr. White I scheduled my primary doctors appoint to write a letter of recommendation. It was no problems. He wrote it and printed it out the same day. I could not believe how fast it was. I meet Dr. White- she stated I did not need any pre-testing besides routine blood work, but she did tell me I had to stop breastfeeding. That was so disappointing for me but I started taking herbs and started preparing my body and pumping every 3 hours to get ready for this surgery. But I knew I did not want to post pond the surgery because I knew every day being overweight I was loosing time away from my kids. I then went to my evaluation mental on September 29th. I called them on October 8th, asking if I could get it soon, because the Weight Loss had an opening on October 9th (same day as my surgeon). Make a long story short, they didn’t get it to me in time, but I was still able to see their behaviorist. Meeting Doctor foote, was simple, he asked me if I had questions. He told me what was going to happen. And simple. Next appoints where just preop and surgery. My behaviorist was Christian, so that helped the interview. They did recommend counseling, which I had already thought about doing some counseling – dealing with my self and this spirit, and or maybe trauma from my past is affecting my eating. Is there something else I was not seeing that the behaviorist was seeing? Well now I am in a waiting game, I have to wait for the insurance to approve my surgery and then they can schedule me. My boss told me I had to wait till next year or my job would not be guaranteed, seems like she uses scared tactics. I called HR and found out my rights. So I have decided to go with the surgery. The reason for writing this is to remind myself, how ugly, and how horrible physically I feel. It has affected me so much. To intimacy with my husband, to loving my children. How can I be an example for them, If I am always sleeping. I can I be an example of weight loss for my son if I am always eating and NOT exercise. I tell the Lord, my body hurts and only he knows what I go through. Physically I just can’t no more. I cry inside stating that I have to get out of my body. Knowing that this is not good for me, I continue to eat, because of needs but there is very little enjoyment any more. I have concluded that my life is going to change forever. I know I will no longer be able to eat as I used it. Or go and pig out, or use my emotions to eat. I ask myself how much weight will I loose, will it be noticeable, will I have more energy. How ill the relationship change with my husband? What can I do to speed up the process? Well I started my therapy and I guess I could say I am really excited but I am not, scared old things are coming up. I have been going twice a week, to use up my 20 sessions for the year, so I figured why not. I have finally been put off hold on 10/28/09- so wondering how long it will take to get my insurance approved. So we will see. So now I have to start pumping every two hours, so many things have happened in my work, stating I would get written up if I go on leave because I don’t have FMLA. But at this point, I need to be healthy to go on. Sooo. With that being said. I have decided to go ahead and just get it done. I have bought my freezer to start storing- I am getting really, really sick of tried of pumping. Hoping I keep saying to myself. Just 4 more weeks and I will be done. I really wanted to provide breast milk for 1 year but right now I just can’t, I am sick of pumping. I have speeded up my process by calling the Doctors office and pushing them to submit my paper work, finally my date – December 23rd. I can’t wait.
