cherylmathis

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A week from today I'll be home getting to know my new pouch. I still can't believe I got approved, let alone that THIS IS ACTUALLY HAPPENING.

At church this morning I snuck into the parish office break room to read my Success Habits book while Ben (5yo DS) was in faith formation. I sat there with a cup of water and a leftover birthday cake and cupcakes on the table in front of me, but I wasn't really tempted. A coworker of mine came in and we chatted a bit about my upcoming surgery. She said she was surprised that I was even eligible because she didn't think I was heavy enough. I've heard that a lot. I'm considered a "lightweight." A size 24/26 and I'm a lightweight. I'm glad I'm doing this at age 30 and not age 40 or 50. Or at a much larger size.

I'm still scared I won't be recognizable, and I probably won't be. I've never been skinny as an adult. Will I still be me? What if people hate me because I've sold out. But it's not! It's for my health. It's for my kids. It's for me! It's because skinny is healthier. And I have a whole life waiting for me. 

But I'm still staring at my face a lot this week. Wondering. 

 

Tonight’s Rosary Walk came with a tiny sprinkle that slowly eased into a heavy mist by the last two blocks. Since both of my kids insisted on coming with me on the walk, my husband came too, as well as our two pooches. The dogs were not pleased with the rain, but I was delighted. It felt like kisses from heaven.

The Glorious Mysteries are truly glorious. I chose Pentecost as the day for my children to be baptized last year, and it’s become our family feast day. I have a very strong devotion to Pentecost. So when the mystery began to unravel again with the Blessed Mother holding my hand, I was overwhelmed with a peaceful wonder. “A mighty wind filled the room where they were.”

Two connections come to mind immediately. One, the tornadoes that have been wreaking havoc everywhere and causing so much devastation and tragedy. Two, the anointing of King David. “From that moment, the spirit of God rushed upon him as a mighty wind.”

When you open up your life to Christ, not just your Sundays but your whole life, you might get knocked on your tush by that mighty wind. If you’re really listening to the rote prayers, it’s hard to disregard them. The Our Father, for example. We could meditate on the countless jewels of that prayer for the rest of our life. Since I’ve invited Christ and all of heaven to be with me in this journey towards health and glory, I’ve received so many blessings– confidence, joy, peace, patience and faith.

It’s like a mighty wind washing over my life, joining with the waters of my baptism to make clean my heart.

“Loves like a hurricane and I am the tree, bending beneath the weight of his wind and mercy.” (David Crowder Band, “How He Loves”)

I’m trapped in this body that can’t bend! I can’t touch my toes. I can’t leap up and rush to the call of God to help a neighbor. Praise God his mercy is bigger than even this large body, because he’s not waiting for me to be perfect to surround me with love. I can’t bend, but I am certainly the tree bending beneath his weight. And I’m totally okay with that. I’ve been so heavy for so long… I can’t do this by myself. So I’m on this journey with Jesus in my right hand and the Blessed Mother in my left, and neither have left my side. I still stumble, but they keep on loving me. Mary keeps nurturing and uplifting my humanity, and Jesus continues to support and forgive me.

I’ve found a mercy mightier than me. In the words of Matt Pitt from The Basement, “Not Perfect, Just Forgiven.”

(cross-posted from my other blog Food For My Journey at http://foodformyjourney.wordpress.com.