christinahelena
I was an average weight person throughtout my childhood, teenage and young adult years. I did however, always fear being overweight and would put myself on crazy tea and carrot diets in high school to try to get more slender. I remember feeling fat at 120 pounds- my oh my, how misguided I was. I think it started with a ballet teacher who told me to suck in my beachball of a tummy, well.. i never had the flat or concave tummy... it always stuck out a bit. My parents, especially my mother, struggled with their weight and I feared that fate.
I put on some weight post college to about 150, and then dropped it and at some point became obsessed, and through a crazy regime of 3 hours a day of excercise and near starvation got to 110 pounds. I looked great, i think seeing pictures,but it never registered. I was looking for Mr. Right, and kept finding Mr. Wrong and wasting time. I should have focused on my health and career, and instead was focused on being lonely and and wanting to be married and having a family.
I could not maintain that exercise, starvation mode I was in, and being the all or nothing person I was, one day while suffering a broken heart, I just stopped. I went from running 3 miles a day, doing an hour and a half aerobic class, and eating very little to.... eating lots of low fat carbs and not exercising. The low fat diet rage was the worst for me, carbs are not my friend!
I gradually, over several years and bad relationships got up to 170. And then I did what any self respecting young lady did... i threw out my scale. Big mistake. I entered grad school, worked full time and got probably up to 200 but did not have a scale so maybe more, when my mother passed away suddenly. After that, while working full time and in grad school and being busier and more invested in myself, I managed to start excercising with a friend, got back down to 170 and was feeling hopeful about continuing a downward progression.
Then I met my husband. I finished grad school, sold my house, moved across the country , and became an instant stay at home mom to his daughter and had one on the way in short order. Being a stay at home mom was an incredible gift in so many ways, but it also came with a loss of identity, and the instant parenthood came with its own set of challenges. Being at home meant that any time I was frustrated, relief from my feelings was a short walk to the kitchen. I have a sweet tooth, and flour products are my nemesis. Especially when combined with chocolate. I don't drink, smoke or do drugs, but my chocolate or carb fix is my addiction! I am not one of those people who has gone up and down a lot, over the last 14 years and including two pregnancies, my weight just crept up. I was as high as 240 at one time, but with a Type 2 diabetes dianosis and medication, I buckled down and managed to get off 30 pounds. I am convinced I cannot see the kind of results I need without the benefit of the vsg surgery, and I desperately want a chance to put my diabetes in remission and keep it there. I have amazing children, and a wonderful husband who is supportive. I look forward to getting truly happy with myself again, to improved health and the love of exercise again....to reclaim happiness so that I can share that part of me with them. I so deserve it, and so do they. They deserve the best version of me and I am committed to making that happen. Wish me luck :)
