Diane J.

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I have been sitting and reading some of the blogs and other things posted on different surgery boards.

I see so many that say they have no willpower to go without food, I've even read that some say they can't make it and they want to know how and if others cheated and what, if anything can fill them up.

Well, I wonder how many of us has really, actually felt REAL hunger. I mean allowing yourself to be deprived so that you know what hunger really feels like. I for one, have. I know how it feels to have that gnawing pain in my stomach and I know how to eat to satisfy that hunger without overindulging, it's not so bad after all, if one would only take the time and effort to experience it. I also know that the saying about man being able to live without food but not water is true. I seem to crave something to drink more than I crave food.

To prepare for this journey I think it takes a person willing to submit themselves to doing somethings that they "think" they can't do. If one can not tolerate the pre-op diet how can they sustain themselves throughout the new life. It's a tough thing but survival and endurance are the keys that I want and so, that, I shall have. I wish that I could just reach out and help everyone to feel the same way that I do, but I seek the help of the almighty GOD. It's all about Him every step of the way. I will survive the challenging times on this journey and I will endure all to live to see another day. It doesn't hurt to lie in bed and meditate and talk to God, I guess I'm just crazy but He's all I have and I love Him.

No, this is no competition I'm just going thru this like everyone else but I seem to be really, really finding me during this time. And, asking God for help and discovering new ways to tame hunger and at the same time allowing myself to "feel" actual hunger. I feel like I am more prepared for this because of the hurdles that I have encountered and conquered(sp). I will make it and I will survive this new life and be happy ever after........because, "thru God all things are possible." Just believe that. God bless!

are these scales working? I suppose they are but I just wonder, they're digital and they may just have a mind of their own.  I had to step on and off more times than I would have liked to because I couldn't believe the numbers I saw. 323.8 whatttt, that's a nice drive from mile marker 396.6. If I could just get to 300 before surgery I might stand a chance of getting to or even below my dietician's set goal of 190 pounds. I don't have a problem with the 1 or the 0 it's the 9 that I have a problem with, so I figured I'd pick a number between 1 and 8 that I liked best and I think the lucky number will be 5.  I'm currently below my set goal that the previous NP had sat for me. I knew I could do better even if I had to sweat like a steaming locomotive. Do you realize what all I had to give up to get here?! Everything and I do mean everything! All of my junk foods, chocolate, sodas....all of that is gone from my life, I don't even enjoy sugar free candies, but I do get my rocks off on sugar free jello and puddings......mmmmmmmmm, lol. I tasted some Dorito's the other day but my youngest brother wound up being the one to demolish them and I tell you it didn't even matter, I gave them to him.

All joking aside, I'm a very determined woman, God has instilled that in me, to not be a quiter, but to continue to work towards a better aspect of whatever the situation is. This is one time I will listen clearly to the voice of the Lord and continue my journey. It's not so bad. I keep saying that I've enjoyed a wide variety of foods all of my life, but a time comes when you have to make the "right" decision and ask if that food or your life is more important and I chose me. I appreciate the compliments about my weight loss but I could not have done it without the mercy of God. As hard as I have worked I still have a BMI of over 50 but that will change.

I suppose the key to beginning an extremely successful journey is to start when the dietician tells you to and how they tell you to. Yes, it has been hard. I have learned to not eat and drink, I sometimes wait about an hour or longer before I drink after I eat. I always,always put the left overs in the fridge before I start or immediately after eating, they are no longer visible and I'm not enticed to eat any more than what I have eaten. I curb my appetite by drinking a lot of liquids. I'm getting in my vitamins and plenty of calcium and a whole lot of no calorie and low calorie liquids made out of water, so I am well hydrated. Sometimes I mix flavors to get a new and or an exciting taste. I mostly mix other flavors with lemonade, you will be surprised. The best drink mix is either Great Vaue from Wal-Mart or the Fulfill vitamin powder mix, which, I just happen to stumble upon while shopping at a local closeout store for $1.00 per canister with 6 tubs in each. Now about all of that skin......it's aweful, it's a horrible, horrible thing, but I'll just have to wait and see about it after surgery and I've lost more weight. I actually play with my midriff and call it my sugar mama, it has gotten laxed and sort of wrinkly. Well, I hope I've put a smile on your face.

It's time for me to go now and continue to pray that I be all that God asks of me.

Okay I have a few things to update everyone on. First and foremost I want to take a moment to think about my dog Diamond, who was my baby of 14 years. He passed away last night at 8:43. I will really, really miss him. I cry everytime I go out to his little plot in the back yard. I am going to plant some Marigolds on him they will grow every year because they are self germinating. If we ever move from here I will be able to take Diamond's flowers with me because they shed as seeds. He will always have a place in my lonely heart now. I have pictures of him and so many fond and playful memories that I don't think I will ever go a day without thinking about something new, that's how close we were. They say diamonds are a girls best friend, if there ever was any truth to that you can ask me I know my Diamond was my best friend.

Secondly, I received a call today in the midst of all of the hurt and pain,from my surgeon's office telling me that I had been scheduled for surgery. I am going in for the placement of my tool on July 21st at 7:30 A.M.. I may be hurting but I'm trying to be happy. GOD truly does have a way to brighten damp, blue skies. So, to all of you that have stuck this out with me. I gotta say thank you and I really do appreciate your time and the shariing of your knowledge. It isn't over yet it will be just beginning so stick with me a while longer and maybe I will morph into the beautiful butterflies that you are.

My Diamond was taken for a reason, but it's all part of GOD's mysterious plan and I'm not trying to figure it out, instead I take the bad with the good and continue to grow with the help and grace of the almighty Father GOD.

A new chapter in "my" book of life has just begun and where it will lead me only GOD knows, for He is the author of life.