CynthiaLouisaJane

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45 lbs down! Six inches off the old waist! 
I am finally starting to see a difference. I have been working out a little more and it really does help the distribution of the fat to be a little more tolerable. I can really tell a difference in my shoulders and arms and I lost 1.5 inches at my neck. 
A big day is coming for me. This is totally spiteful and vindictive. Ok, I got that out of the way. 
My DH's ex-wife despises me. She really, really, really wants him back and I could rave on about this for hours, but dont want to devote that much time to her spiteful ass. 
A few years ago, after they split, she went on a major weight loss and self-improvement gig. It worked! She lost a lot of weight and really looked great. No more stretch velour for that chick. 
Well, in the past three years, she has gained it back and looks like her old stretch velour-wearing self. Now, normally I would not bag on a fat chick. But during this time she did everything in her power to see me (we avoid each other like the plague) wear cute outfits, even crawled into my SUV one day with her boobs in my face supposedly looking for one of her kids lost flip-flops. The last straw was when she asked my DH to come to her car to look at something for one of the kids and then bent over in front of him so he could take a good look at her smaller ass. 
Oh, how the mighty have fallen. 
She has not seen me since well before Thanksgiving. I am going to a school function for one of her kids on the 24th. Normally, I would be cringing that I have to go, find something to wear and would be the largest one in the room. NOT THIS GO ROUND!
I have something to wear, as a matter of fact, it may be too big by then. I have some really hot shoes as well. It will give me great joy to go into this function and see/be seen. I know I am still a pretty big heifer, but I feel like I can strut my stuff a little bit. 
That is really bad. My worst charachteristic is vendictiveness. I am asking the Lord for forgiveness. I really do have to go to the event. Can I help it if I feel good about how I look and feel as compared to the illustrious Sanctimonious Snake Lady? 
No, I cannot. Besides, it is giving me the incentive to keep doing those ab workouts on a daily basis, and who knows how long I can really keep that crap up without some serious motivation???
XOXOXOXXO

Well, here I am back again! I have not fallen off the wagon, just been busy as ever. I passed my brokers test and started my new biz. That has taken up an enormous amount of time. We went on vacation to Santa Barbara/Solvang/LA and had a great time. I gained FIVE pounds, but they are gone now. This was my first time to have alcohol. BOY! Zing....Then came home and got sick with sinus infection. 
Oh, yeah. About that food addiction thing.
YES I AM A FOOD ADDICT. But working on that. I have a couple of books and a 12 step book, I am working on some stuff. It is really hard. One thing I have not had much of a problem giving up is sugar. But the flour thing is pretty hard. Usually it is due to poor planning. Therefore, I plan to plan. 
The big news is that I went to the doc because of a sinus infection and I have lost 43 lbs total. I will take it! I cant believe I have not posted in a month. I was really disgusted with myself on the last post. I am still disgusted, but I saw my dad and have not seen him in about a month and he said, "well, the weight is still peeling off!" That made me feel really good. 
Til next time!
XOXO Me

Ok, for at least 30 years of my life I have been playing games with food. This does not need explanation if you are a person who has had WLS or is considering WLS, you KNOW what I mean.
So, today....DH and I gave up eating out for Lent, it has gone very well, but today we go out to eat because we were out and about and had about 4 hours before we got home (POOR PLANNING.) 
We go to a Mexican restaurant. Should I have chips and salsa? Maybe one or two. No, heck no, I could not stop. Then our food comes (good ordering, low carb, no rice, etc.) Mine was cold. The waiter took forever to come back to our table to take mine back to reheat or replace. So, more chips. By the time my food came, did I ask for it to go? BECAUSE I WAS FULL> I WAS NOT HUNGRY. 
No, I ate a good portion of it. What the heck is wrong with me? I cannot stop justifying and rationalizing why I deserve to have food. Ok, this is not an everyday occurence, but like most addicts, the triggers (eating out is a huge one for me) set me off. Now I have been in a food fog all evening and really beating myself up. Yes, I should beat myself up because I spent a LOT of money to get this band and I am abusing it and myself. I need therapy.
I have to find a food addiction counselor post haste. 

Fill this past Tuesday. I was surprised I got a fill (now a 2.2 cc's) because I have pretty good restriction, BUT glad I did, it has made a difference. The restriction is amazing. Lost 5 lbs. last month.
One negative side effect-hair loss. It's not horrible, but I can tell. My hair is the longest it has been in three years, and I am getting it cut tomorrow, short and spiky. My queer friends call me Butch with short hair, but they mean it in a loving way, I am sure. 
I will have to post a pic of my new hair and somewhat smaller face. I had to break down and buy some new clothes because we are going on vacation at Easter to LA, Santa Barbara and SLO. I had nothing to wear that fits and no desire to spend every other day at the laundrymat. 
Getting my business going and studying has consumed my life. For the most part I have had no time to think about the band or food. The band is doing it's job! Normally, in a situation like this I would be eating mindlessly and continuously.
Today the band ROCKS!

Things are moving really slow over here. 294.....But not gaining. I only have one pair of jeans that fits now. Some of my favorite Ralph Lauren shirts dont fit anymore. They look like sacks. I am still fat, just not as fat. I have hope! One of my best friends has her first PS scheduled for May 10. She has lost over 200 lbs, she looks great already! She is absolutely an inspiration for me!
Just updating because I have not in awhile. One weird thing is that I am still not hungry in the am and if I dont eat all day (yes, I already know that is bad) then I have SO much restriction when I do eat, it is really TIGHT. 
I am almost home free on getting my brokers license, the new business will be up and running on April 1, 2007! I will have a little more freedom to have a schedule that allows me to eat lunch. 
I will post a new pic ASAP, I think my face looks a bit less like the moon.

For the past week, I have really loved my band. I am at 295, which is a total of 36 pounds. I still have not gotten it in my head that I weigh less than 300 lbs. It is really incredible!
I only have one pair of jeans that fits at this point, and I am waiting until they fall off to buy more.
I am so busy getting my business off the ground, I keep forgetting to eat and drink. BAD. 
Thanks to all the people who send me good thoughts and support!
CJ

Is 278 lbs. At that weight I will no longer be morbidly obese, just severely obese. At 278? Seems pretty morbid to me. I had to post it because I will forget. 
It is 20 lbs away!

I have made it back in to the 200's. I mean barely, but ok, it has been 5 FREAKING years since I have weighed less than 300 lbs. Restriction has been great, I hardly have any hunger. Have to watch chewing, forget to chew and then WHOA NELLY>stuck!
But the last fill is magic. I still can't believe it. I saw my Dad today for the first time in a month he was freaking out over my weight loss. That was a pretty good feeling. 
I am working on starting my own company and it is keeping me so busy I dont have time to eat, but in the old days I would be the drive=thru demon. Actually, today I hit a drive through for an unsweetened ice tea. It felt weird to be there, kind of like going to visit a long-lost friend. 
DH and I gave up eating out for Lent. So far, so good. 

I hope it lasts! Yes, there is restriction, it feels so much different than it has in the past few weeks. I really feel close to what I did the first few days home from surgery without the pain and gas. 
I hope this is it! But if it's not, we are getting closer. All I have had is liquid and smoothies so far, but seems much more restrictive!
YIPPEE!
I am telling you, it is a love-hate relationship. The PA at docs office says I am doing great, stop rushing it. I will need therapy to not wish I was already at goal. 
Hey, there's an idea...therapy!
CJ

I am such a hog. My first fill gave me no restriction. My second fill is tomorrow. I have lo-carbed and white knuckled it and really and truly fell off the wagon this weekend. Mardi Gras is here. I ate King Cake on Friday. Saturday was my daughters b-day and I ate everything I wanted to eat, only not so much of it. It has been a downward spiral into carbdom. 
I refuse to get on the scale and see how much I have gained. Tomorrow will tell the tale at the docs office. I really hate the lack of self-control I have, that is why I got the band and I feel like it is not doing its job at this point. And I will also point out that I have not done my part for the last three days, I feel like I have been on a lost weekend. At least tomorrow is Ash Wednesday and symbolically a repreive from all the wanton revelry. For Lent we are giving up eating out. YES< ALL THINGS REVOLVE AROUND FOOOOOOOD> 
At least my skinny pants fit me (if you can imagine the skinny pants a 300 lb. woman would wear.) 
I think I am going to bed now. 
CJ