deannhuss

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OK.....I have been getting ready for my surgery and I finished up all my shopping today. Well, at least for all my vitamins and protein shakes. I ordered some protein shakes from unjury.com (CHOCOLATE and UNFLAVORED), I got my Flintstones vitamins at target, my B-12 at Wal-Mart and my Calcium Citrate at Vitamin World. I am sooooo EXCITED !!!


Dr. Lord Patients:
Vitamin World right across from the hospital has all the Vitamins you will need. The lady that works there told me today that Dr. Lord came in the store personally and looked over all the vitamins and protein shakes and made a list of the ones he recommends to his patients. You can pick up a list there at Vitamin World.

Anyways, I am counting down and only 28 more days till my surgery. I wish my date was tomorrow. I am so excited !!! I haven't been nervous, or scared or anything here lately. It's like I am at peace with my decision. I mean I have always been at peace but I have absolutely no fear what so ever. I know I am doing the right thing.

I want all of my OH FAMILY to know that I love you all. Everyone has been so supportive and y'all mean the world to me. Words can't even describe how thankful I am to have such wonderful caring friends on this site. I wish you all lived here with me. Life would be perfect then. I am saying this from the bottom of my heart. I want each of you to stop and thank of how happy you made me just by being there for me. That's all it takes to brighten someones day. A simple "Hello, I'll be here for you when you need me" is all it takes to change a persons life....it did mine. I've learned in life; we all need someone to lean on, someone to show us the right way, someone to show us they care.....I have found all that in all of you...my OH Family !!!!

My surgery is just around the corner and everything is starting to set in. FEAR is the main thing. I guess I am just scared of being miserable the rest of my life. I don't want this surgery to be the biggest mistake of my life. I've had enough mistake's in my life I don't want to make another one. The closer I get to my surgery it seems the more people are trying their best to talk me out of it. Why? This surgery is gonna save my life. I took my kids school shopping yesterday and my daughter would find a cute shirt or dress and she would say "Momma you will look good in this after you have your surgery", or she would say "Momma your too fat to wear this now but after your surgery you will be able to wear it". I know it has to be hard on my kids seeing me like this. My daughter is 11 almost 12 and at her age she is easily embarrassed. I know my weight embarrasses her. If anything I am going to do this surgery for myself and my kids. NO ONE else. I have my mind made up. I am having this surgery regardless of what people think or say. I know the FEAR I have is common and it will pass. I really am excited about my surgery and can't wait. I have been counting down till the day my new life starts and it can't get here fast enough.

This morning my sister calls me up and wants me to go shopping with her and my mom. So, I decide it would be good for me to get out of the house for a change and I go with them. I left my kids with my husband and went to the mall with my sister and my mom. It was pure HELL....I was still upset with what my mom had said the night before and was dwelling on it. Shopping was just pure hell because I can't shop in the same size as them; I am broke as shit and didn't have money to buy anything. So, I followed them around for 4 hours watching them try on clothes and buy all kinds of cute stuff. I have wanted to cry all day but, refused to because I didn't want anyone seeing me. When it came time to eat lunch I went all out and got (sbrarro) the Chicken Parmigiana and Rigatoni. It was alot of food but, I just wanted to drown my feelings in it. So, I did....I ate almost all of it. All my mom and sister had was a chicken sandwich from chick-fil-a. I was so ashamed for eating the amount I did. I kept thinking; if I ate what they did then maybe I wouldn't be so fat. They watched me as if they were in plain disgust. Times for me are just so hard right now. I'm having problems with my husband, we have NO MONEY, I don't know how I'm going to pay my bills, I'm in the middle of adopting my nephew, and I'm waiting for approval for my surgery. I'm just so overwhelmed with all that is going on. I really take everything to heart. I use my blogs to release alot of stress and to get things off my chest. I don't expect sympathy although I greatly appreciate when I do get it. I got on the scales this morning and I have gained 5 pounds. It seems like the more weight I gain the more pain I feel; physically and emotionally.I have considered putting a lock on my fridge and cabinets but, what good is that gonna do when I have a key. Well, I could go on and on and on but, I won't. I just want to end by saying "THANK YOU". Thanks to all my OH family and friends for listening to me rant and rave. I appreciate everyones support.